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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think I am being unreasonable but please correct me if I am!

42 replies

PrisonerZero · 20/12/2011 23:07

Sorry another Christmas AIBU thread.

Background:

I have 2 DC, am divorced from their father on very good terms with him and we share DC 50/50 half a week each and take turns having Christmas morning each year. This year it is my turn, he will have them for a meal Christmas Eve, drop them here for Christmas day and pick them up about 3pm. Very happy with this arrangement.

I also have a 6 month old baby with partner.

My AIBU:

On Christmas day P has announced that he plans to spend an hour with me, my DC and our baby then take baby to his mothers at 10am, and for me to join them there at 4pm when my DC have left to go to their dads.

His (P's) Mother thinks this is a good idea because it will give me time alone with my DC and that it will do them good to have me to themselves.

I think that in reality they just want their only DC/Grandchild to themselves for the day.

I want all my DC together on Christmas day, especially as I only get it every other year, It is the babies first Christmas, and as my DC are only here half the week I think it will be good for us to be together Christmas day, I am a little worried they might think they are missing out/not bonding/feeling left out. P can go to his mothers and baby and I will meet him there at 4pm.

He doesnt want to miss out on his babies first Christmas but is choosing to leave the house and go elsewhere.

AIBU?

OP posts:
A1980 · 20/12/2011 23:09

I want all my DC together on Christmas day, especially as I only get it every other year, It is the babies first Christmas, and as my DC are only here half the week I think it will be good for us to be together Christmas day

YANBU at all.

Tell him to do one.

UnexpectedOrangeInMyStocking · 20/12/2011 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 20/12/2011 23:10

I don't think you are, why would he want to only spend an hour all together? Surely having the day together and then going over to his parents after the older two have been picked up would be the nicest thing all round.

GlitterySkulls · 20/12/2011 23:11

not at all- it sounds like your older kids are being snubbed. i wouldn't go along with it.

on the other hand, maybe they are genuinely trying to be nice & think they're being helpful?

squeakytoy · 20/12/2011 23:12

Your partner is the father of the child that is half sibling to your other children, he should stay there with all of you. What sort of message is he giving to what are effectively his stepchildren if he cant be arsed to show them any interest.

squeakytoy · 20/12/2011 23:12

And his mother is being a cow too, she should be welcoming your elder children as an equal part of the family.

tigerlillyd02 · 20/12/2011 23:13

Regardless of the adults feelings, I think it's important that siblings spend Christmas together where it is possible. And in this case it's entirely possible.

izzywhizzysmincepies · 20/12/2011 23:14

Ditto squeaky.

Angelswings · 20/12/2011 23:14

YANBU

MerylStrop · 20/12/2011 23:15

YA so NBU

It's really important for you all to be together as a family, and if your DP can't see that he is being a Berkshire Hunt

I think you should choose not to see Partner's Mum's offer as anything other than generous. Just his once.

Either you all go or you P and babe go over at teatime.

End. of.

Bohica · 20/12/2011 23:16

They may very well think they are being helpfull but this would be a big fat no in my book.

mrsjay · 20/12/2011 23:17

well they do sound as if they are saying all the right things you have your dc all to yourself etc etc but its splitting the familiy up and i think your idea of them wanting P and the baby to themselves is underlying even if they arnt saying it out loud , YANBU , id tell him you can go to his parents when the children go to dads ,

HoneydragonAteCliffRichard · 20/12/2011 23:18

Why can't she invite all of you? Sad

Original poster
PrisonerZero · 20/12/2011 23:18

I think its because he doesn't want to miss his mothers Christmas day breakfast! He has never spent a Christmas away from them - we stayed over last Christmas Eve. All the relatives go round for gift opening, pub, games etc. His mother is doing dinner late this year to fit in with when i'm free so its not like he'll miss his dinner. I don't mind him not being here, I do mind him taking the baby though.

Glad IANBU, will tell him to bugger off.

OP posts:
ThereGoesTheFear · 20/12/2011 23:20

YANBU at all. Is he usually so dismissive of your older DCs?
I remember your other thread. How are things generally?

mrsjay · 20/12/2011 23:20

does MIL live near why cant your children go round too maybe dad can pick them up there ? I think your Partners being selfish for leaving you out , as you said tell himt o bugger off ,

squeakytoy · 20/12/2011 23:21

Well, he can go and have breakfast with Mummy and then come back. Or you all go round there, but now he is in a relationship with you, and has child with you, your little family should come first, and that includes all your children, not just the one he has fathered.

Now is the time to start new traditions.. like him cooking breakfast for you and the kids Grin

TroublesomeEx · 20/12/2011 23:21

YANBU.

What an awful suggestion.

The baby is yours too, you only get to have your DC's every other year and this year you're supposed to spend the better part of the day without one of your children!

That means your baby would be nearly 3 before getting to spend Christmas day with their siblings. No. Chance.

My MIL is a bit like this. Beware.

FredFredGeorge · 20/12/2011 23:22

If the mothers Christmas is so important to P - why don't you all go DC and all? (YANBU to want your immediate family together)

TroublesomeEx · 20/12/2011 23:22

Oh and going to his mum's for breakfast?

He needs to grow up. He has a new family now!

Original poster
PrisonerZero · 20/12/2011 23:23

HoneyDragon - They don't have any children round at Christmas. Its very much an adult Christmas, lots of drinking, music etc - although now we have a baby that will shake things up a bit.

My DC have only been to their house once - to much like hard work having to get them to watch manners, best behaviour, etc (they are very well behaved though)

To be fair to her, she has made my DC a stocking, got them Christmas Eve PJs etc.

OP posts:
mrsjay · 20/12/2011 23:24

I second folkgirl my late MIl was like this , she suggested dh take dd1 over xmas day so i could have a rest Xmas Shock before we went to my mums , in the first few years she didnt accept me because we were not married , she was a funny old b coot ,

HoneydragonAteCliffRichard · 20/12/2011 23:26

Definitely no then. Adult Xmas's are not for babies ...that's all wrong.

manicinsomniac · 20/12/2011 23:27

YANBU

Either everybody should be invited or nobody goes until your other children have gone to their father's. Nothing wrong with wanting your family alltogether.

squeakytoy · 20/12/2011 23:27

Ah, I remember that other thread too. I hope things are better now.

I would insist he stay with you, otherwise he will probably be half pissed by lunchtime if he goes there for breakfast.