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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be offended that everyone who sees me after a recent (large) weight loss asks me about loose skin

61 replies

pingu2209 · 20/12/2011 11:12

Over the past 7 months I have lost 7 1/2 stone. Huge weight loss, so people who haven't seen me for a long time are, understandably, very shocked. However, the majority of them (men and women) very quickly ask me whether I have loose skin.

I haven't seen my father since early August so when he saw me he was really shocked, pleased, but also shocked. One of his first questions he asked was about loose skin.

AIBU to find this attitude by others offensive? I am much healthier and look years and years younger, and if I do say so myself, prettier. Yes I have loose skin on my tummy, but in the grand scheme of things, this is small fry.

What is it that makes people want to know about the downsides of such a huge positive improvement in my health?!

OP posts:
pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 21:34

I had a Vertical Sleeve. Via key hole surgery they remove 85% of your stomach. There is no by pass of the intestine and the top and bottom openings remain the same. You have restriction on what you can eat, but also the part of the stomach that is removed is the part where Ghrelin is produced, which is the hormone that tells you you are hungary. You don't feel hungary and don't 'fancy' food.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 22/12/2011 21:34

It's quite rude, but more inconsiderate than anything.

Congratulations, that's a great achievement! :)

TheMonster · 22/12/2011 21:37

Thanks for answering my question, Pingu. I have been considering gastric surgery but the complications worry me. Also, I love eating and the thought of wanting to and not being able to makes me scared.
Not fancying food sounds attractive.
I have more weight to lose than you did to start with.

troisgarcons · 22/12/2011 21:42

People have a natural curiosity - but I have to say that is a marvellous achievement.

But can I ask a 'thick' question please? (and Im not being 'funny' or rude)

I understand the concept of gastric surgery. What happens when you reach your goal/ideal weight? If your stomach content has been that much reduced, how do you maintain your ideal weight, given the food/nutritional intake would remain reduced? Thank you, if you can answer that for me.

BetterBitOfButter · 22/12/2011 21:46

ooh yes, what troisgarcons said, i've wondered that before. Do you have any info OP?

Congratulations, I hope you feel healthier and happier

LaurieFairyCake · 22/12/2011 21:47

I don't think it's particularly rude because frankly I'm dying to ask the same Xmas Grin

sorry Xmas Blush

When you say its loose on your tummy is that it?!? I've got about 4 stone to lose and I'm a bit scared of hanging it all down my knees and jowls.

zookeeper · 22/12/2011 22:03

Firstly well done on your weight loss . What an achievement!

As a fatty with quite a bit to lose I for one would be dying to see what the weight loss has done to your skin. If you were a good friend I would certainly ask you and if it were me and a good friend asked me I would be happy to show her. I think we hear all about the health benefits which clearly are great but not so much about the bad bits!

hmc · 22/12/2011 22:06

Yabu. I had the same questions put to me - people were curious, so what!

pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 22:18

I am lucky. I had 'relatively' slim arms and legs. My weight was in my boobs and tummy. I now have saggy boobs and wrinkly saggy tummy. However, my skin is just like my mums, who had 3 children but not much weight gain. Her tummy was increadibly wobbly, so I would have had the horrible tummy anyway, as I too have had 3 children.

People hold their weight in different places. Some have huge bottoms and thighs and they tend to have really saggy skin at the top of their inner thigh. and the back of their legs can look crepe paper like. You can have an inner thigh lift but it is an extremely painful 'lift' proceedure and does not give great results anyway.

If you have a very fat face with a huge double chin that means there is no difference between your jaw line and neck, then weight loss can look like jowels and a lower face lift is the only thing that can help.

Other people have chunky upper arms and the weight loss can lead to huge flaps of skin that flap about when they move their arms like a flag. You can have this cut off but are left with long scars that are impossible to hide.

With the upper arms it is very hard to hide in the summer or if you want to wear a strappy dress. With the legs the stretched skin can be quite thin and when it rubs together it can get very sore and even split.

With the tummy it depends upon how much skin is left. A lot of skin can hang down like an apron over your pubic hair and even onto your legs. I am not in that position, thank god. I just have very wobbly skin on my tummy that does fold over but only by an inch so you can still see my 'bits'.

If you wear trousers or a more fitted skirt you can see a roll of fat/skin - my friend calls her's her 'mummy handbag'. However, you can wear very firm fit huge pants to hold it all flat and smooth to give a better line.

Of course you can also have a tummy tuck. Depending upon how much of a fold/flap/apron of skin there is, depends upon how much of a tummy tuck you have - mini, full or extended. A mini tuck is just about 4-5 inches just above your pubic line. A full tummy tuck is across from hip bone to hip bone. An extended tummy tuck goes all around the body.

I will most likely need a full tummy tuck but until that time, I will be using Spankx.

Now - do you think I should give that detail to people if they ask?

OP posts:
hmc · 22/12/2011 22:21

No - they would probably have glazed over by the time you get to the end of it

pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 22:22

Why do people ask then!?

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 22/12/2011 22:24

I asked a sensble question and got overlooked.

But can I ask a 'thick' question please? (and Im not being 'funny' or rude)

I understand the concept of gastric surgery. What happens when you reach your goal/ideal weight? If your stomach content has been that much reduced, how do you maintain your ideal weight, given the food/nutritional intake would remain reduced? Thank you, if you can answer that for me.

hmc · 22/12/2011 22:25

A lot of women are body conscious and compare notes on these things - ime any way. Don't you find that most of the people asking have a couple plus stones to loose themselves? ( and hence are reflecting on possible implications for themselves)

Mum2Luke · 22/12/2011 22:28

WOW Congratulations! Tell me how you did it cos am rapidly losing faith in Slimfast lol!

I have an underactive Thyroid which makes it doubly hard to lose weight, whatever I do I cannot seem to get under 11 stone (am 5'4" and medium build but not fat, just got spare tyre after 3 kids).

I try to start going to the gym but I get bored easily, I want to go swimming but need that kick up the arse to actually go, it would help if the times fitted in with my work times, they all seem to be at lunch time and I cannot afford Weightwatchers/Slimming World on my wage.
HELP!!!!!

hmc · 22/12/2011 22:29

My loose tummy skin isnt too bad but I am pondering a tummy tuck since I have - I kid ye not - the beginnings of a six pack due to lots of abs work in the gym, completely ruined by a veneer of loose skin. Vain - yes, you betcha (reckon it's my mid life crisis)

fluffy123 · 22/12/2011 22:30

Congratulations Pingu , you have done so well. YANBU by peoples comments. I have recently lost weight ( not as much as you) but just under a third of my body weight in seven months and had a couple of comments about facial wrinkles. I don't understand how people can be so rude.

DontFreekinEatMeImJustATurkey · 22/12/2011 22:35

Well done Pingu!!! I am with you there, also had a vertical sleeve... lost 5 stone thus far. Would have been more were it not for steroid use... but I persevere!

My skin isn't bad at all... I think it depends on one's age and whether one smokes etc. I don't smoke and am in mid 30s.

I would far rather have a flabby tum that have to carry around the weight again though! Haven't had anyone ask me re skin yet.

All the best on losing the last bit!

zookeeper · 22/12/2011 22:41

Well that's just what I wanted to know, thanks Pingu Smile.

zookeeper · 22/12/2011 22:41

still want a look though ...Wink

DontFreekinEatMeImJustATurkey · 22/12/2011 22:49

If someone has a boob job... do people ask her for a looksie? Xmas Confused

TalkinPeace2 · 22/12/2011 22:50

Pingu
this is why
www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2066094/Former-worlds-fattest-man-begs-NHS-operation-remove-folds-skin-losing-40-STONE.html
BUT
what is not made clear is that people who lose the weight steadily and healthily and exercise will not get the problems

I swim with a lady who has lost at least 7 stone in the last year but as she is exercising the whole time, her skin is shrinking with her - she might need a teeny tummy tuck but nothing else - and I see her in the pool !

Well done you by the way

Flanelle · 22/12/2011 22:51

Just do a Miranda - look at them and say "Rude!"

zookeeper · 22/12/2011 22:52

I'm not sure that's right; however slowly and healthily you do it, once the skin has lost elasticity it's not going to ping back into shape., surely?

TalkinPeace2 · 22/12/2011 22:56

zoo
the lady at the pool had no stretch marks - hers is definitely shrinking - her belly no longer folds down onto her thighs and she has a (very pretty) neck now ;
she is in her 50s

pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 23:22

Troisgarcons - When you first have the operation the max you can eat is about 600 calories a day. As you are pretty huge to have the operation in the first place and probably just to maintain your bulk you could eat at least 3000 calories a day, you lose weight really fast.

As you lose weight you need less calories to maintain your weight - so your weight loss slows down. However, at the same time your stomach stretches (it is supposed to) so that you can consume 1200 calories a day. So weight loss slows down even more.

If you purely ate a healthy diet only, after the operation the average calories per day would be 1200, because you can't eat very much at all. Therefore, yes you would keep losing weight, even when you got to your ideal weight.

However, 1200 calories is based on purely a healthy diet. Because you can eat high calorie food like ice cream or chocolate or drinks like milkshakes or alcohol etc then although you can't consume a lot, the odd unhealthy addition to your diet means that eventually you eat more than 1200 calories a day - more like 1500-2000 - which is why weight then stabalises.

The operation is not a guarantee. You still need to change WHAT you eat, not just purely HOW MUCH you eat.

As nobody is that perfect, that is why weight can stablise.

OP posts:
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