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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get santa to send DS1 a new message saying he is now on the naughty list.

66 replies

tralalala · 19/12/2011 18:11

Did Portal santa message thing last week. DS1 (aged 6) loved it was enraputured, and a bit nervous when they find out if they are on the naughty or nice list.

Today he has been a true nightmare; hitting his sister and brother, shouting at me, ripping things up, lying, tbh he is like this a couple of times a week.

Would it be wrong to get Santa to send him a you've been naughty message, since time out, ignoring him and threats of not going ot the panto have failed, or is it really tight?

(I will follow it with a nice message.....if he deserves it!)

OP posts:

Original poster

tralalala · 19/12/2011 18:46

Northern - he is 2nd oldest of four. The hitting comes from anywhere, and no where, his younger brother (by 20 months) has been literally hit every single day of his life. Sometimes it is understandable (teasing/toys) sometimes it is out of anger because DS2 won't do as 'told' by him and sometimes just out of nowhere. He won't do it to the older one and rarely to his little sister.

OP posts:

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 19/12/2011 18:47

YABU I think. I don't know, it just doesn't sit right with me. It's like saying if he behaves for one measly week then that's fine, he gets presents... What about the rest of the year?

Original poster

tralalala · 19/12/2011 18:47

vivi that is awful

OP posts:

Groovee · 19/12/2011 18:48

I did it for my 2 and they've both bucked up their idea's after bawling their eyes out.

ViviPrudolf · 19/12/2011 18:55

Yep it was, but that was only on a very rare occasion. I guess in the early eighties, behavioural disorders were not well understood and I imagine his parents will have had very little support. (I'm being as fair as possible here!)

Happy ending though, he was diagnosed as an adult (still a long laborious process mind) and is now medicated, managing and thriving . I wouldn't change his special brain for anything (and I will not apologise for the use of the word 'special' because it really is)

squeakytoy · 19/12/2011 19:02

YABU I think. I don't know, it just doesn't sit right with me. It's like saying if he behaves for one measly week then that's fine, he gets presents... What about the rest of the year?

Small children dont think on a long term basis. A year to them is a lifetime. A week is forever, so using Santa as a threat is perfectly acceptable with only a week to go till the day.

Original poster

tralalala · 19/12/2011 19:08

one measly week would mean a lot to us

OP posts:

BlissfulMistletoe · 19/12/2011 19:09

Santa have never been used in this house for disaplin, because I believe in following through with threats.

You will get presents, so do something you will follow through with

Original poster

tralalala · 19/12/2011 19:11

I never say no presents I just say less presents, in fact I normally say more presents if good, therefore they get stickers and the more they have the more he will bring.

OP posts:

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 19/12/2011 19:13

I did that with ds because he turned into a cocky, badly behaved git the second he found out he was on the good list.

Poor bugger ran out of the room backwards and dived into bed when santa uttered the naughty words

He's back on the good list now tho.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 19/12/2011 19:14

I even put 'a lump of coal' as his present of choice >

perceptionreality · 19/12/2011 19:15

Yes, it would be wrong and YABU to do this. One of the reasons I so dislike the Santa lie story is that it is used frequently to hold children to ransom. The fact is, parents are lying to their kids about it in the first place and so the only defensible way you can carry it off is to make sure it is used only in the kindest way and not connected with punishment.

All children can be naughty sometimes and at this time of year they are all a bit high. My 7 year old who I hardly ever have to tell off has been a bit ott this week and I put it down to excitement. Getting presents at Christmas from your family shouldn't be conditional on behaviour imo. You can address the behaviour in a different way.

BlissfulMistletoe · 19/12/2011 19:16

What's he routine like, my son has austism and does not like change at all. ATM he is a nightmare as the Xmas decs have gone up, Christmas parties in school and alot of other changes.

And you hv and gp are fobbing you off, I would make them do a referral if you suspect ADHD, asd ect as it takes along time to get a diagnoses

thisisyesterday · 19/12/2011 19:18

tralalala at 6 i wouldn't be waiting and seeing if you suspect he has a problem such as ASD or similar.
my 6 year old has recently been diagnosed with high-functioning autism, i think it's quite a common age to get a diagnosis because it's the kind of age where you start to think that actually this ISN'T just because he is a little kid, it's becuase there is something wrong.
does that make sense?

what do school think? any concerns there?
I made a list of ALL the behaviours that shouted out ASD to me and took it to the GP and she referred us to the comm. paeds who did assessment and referral.

Personally I think your idea of using Santa isn't a great one. if there is an underlying issue such as ASD then your son won't be able ot just behave. threats only work if the child is capable of altering their behaviour by themselves, fully understanding time and consequences and WANTS to alter how they behave.
What will you do if it doesn't work and he doesn't behave? will you actually give him no presents at all?
can you imagine a christmas day when one of your 4 children has nothing?

perceptionreality · 19/12/2011 19:22

I don't know much about HF autism but those I do know that have children with HFA take things very literally so if you suspect he may have this disability then it would be even more cruel to tell him Santa has put him on the naughty list.

Please don't do it...

GypsyMoth · 19/12/2011 19:25

His little brother had been hot every day if his life

That's worrying.......yet he will still watch him open a pile of presents the same size as his, and he will think Santa has no regard to how he feels being hit every day.

Op, I think this thread has maybe made you realise you need to do something about this? Is 'the step' a good enough punishment for a 6 year old? I don't think it is.

GypsyMoth · 19/12/2011 19:25

*hit.... Not hot!!

perceptionreality · 19/12/2011 19:30

Littles - the OP thinks her son may have HFA (sorry if I misunderstood).

ImperialBlether · 19/12/2011 19:33

Christ, that is really hard on your other son, not only to be hit but to be the only one who is hit.

elliott · 19/12/2011 19:34

Ok so has anyone got any constructive suggestions for op? I ask because I have a challenging ds2, and I'm all out of ideas for how to respond when he loses it.

ImperialBlether · 19/12/2011 19:36

How old is your son, elliott? How many other children do you have? What's the problem with his behaviour?

GypsyMoth · 19/12/2011 19:37

Perception...... No. Read the thread! It's been put forward as a consideration. That's all

DressDownFriday · 19/12/2011 19:37

OP has this thread turned out how you expected? I thought it was going to be a light hearted thread but some have taken 'Santa Threats' a little bit too seriously imo.

Go ahead, send him a Santa warning - give him little shock .

Improving his behaviour is a whole new thread.

ViviPrudolf · 19/12/2011 19:47

DDF I agree that this thread was stated with lighthearted intentions and some have perhaps taken it overly seriously, but as the thread has progressed, the OP has outlined behaviours which may indicate something other than normal 6yo boy behaviour, and while this may or may not be the case, if he does have a spectrum/behaviour disorder, then the Santa threat would be futile at best, damaging at worst...

ViviPrudolf · 19/12/2011 19:48

how many times can I fit the word 'behaviour' into a post?

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