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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with my DH over Christmas

49 replies

chickydoo · 19/12/2011 10:30

I'll try to be brief. DH earns a pretty good wage, I earn a small amount.
My money pays for all food, petrol, phone, clothes for kids, school stuff and holidays, birthdays, going out and babysitting. (all my car expenses, and any household stuff from plumbers to lightbulbs) 3 kids 2 adults. This leaves me with 0 at the end of the month. I earn an average of £700 a month.
This christmas I have found things really difficult. We are having family over, and just buying the food has been a nightmare! I have a big family, and there are lots of kids to buy for, as well as buying for my own 3 kids. I pay for 100% of Christmas, DH buys one gift for me, that is all he does....Oh and carves the Turkey!! I have told him I can't afford the big food shop this week, all he did was shrug his shoulders. I think it will be beans on toast for Christmas lunch... he is so tight, AIBU to be very pissed off with him?

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 19/12/2011 10:32

YANBU.

What does he do with 'his' money and why does he think its ok to live off you?

grovel · 19/12/2011 10:32

That sounds crazy. That's all.

itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 19/12/2011 10:32

Why have you lived like this for so long? What does he pay? The mortgage?
How much does he earn!
Why isn't all the money put together?
Tell him he needs to buy Xmas shop
Yanbu!!!

ChocHobNob · 19/12/2011 10:32

What does "his" money pay for?

Rather than being criptic and saying you can't afford the food shop, did you ask him to contribute?

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2011 10:32

That's ridiculous. You're Husband and Wife...you're supposed to be a partnership.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 19/12/2011 10:33

What the fuck?

PeanutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 19/12/2011 10:33

YANBU your a partnership and if your struggling he should help. Its Christmas and he should willingly contribute more due to the increased expenditure at Christmas.

AgnesBligg · 19/12/2011 10:34

omg! tight bastard. Does he pay for anything at all?

Original poster
chickydoo · 19/12/2011 10:34

He pays household bills, and school fees (2 kids at private school....his choice!)
Thank you though, just good to know that It is not just me who thinks he is an unreasonable twat!

OP posts:
thefurryone · 19/12/2011 10:34

YABU as you should be annoyed with him about more than just christmas, why are you paying for everything all the time?

ZacharyQuack · 19/12/2011 10:34

This is ridiculous. How on earth do people live in a marriage with such a huge financial inequity between partners?

ChickensThinkYouCanGetStuffed · 19/12/2011 10:35

I can never get my head around married couples splitting their finances to this extent. You either trust each other and are committed or you don't/aren't. Tell the tight git to get down the supermarket.

HairyNigel · 19/12/2011 10:35

That's bonkers! Why are you paying for everything, where does DH's money go?

Jackstini · 19/12/2011 10:35

What does he earn per month so we can compare it to yours?
What does he pay for each month?
What does he have left over and where does it go?
Why is he not contributing to Christmas at all?
YANBU from what I have seen so far....

Original poster
chickydoo · 19/12/2011 10:36

I love you all :) I think I'll show him this thread, Thank you....feel so much better

OP posts:
samandi · 19/12/2011 10:36

Weird.

gamerwidow · 19/12/2011 10:36

If you have seperate finances then why isn't he paying for half of all the presents and the extra christmas food?
I think you need to tell him that unless he contributes to cjristmas then it isn;t happening.

Original poster
chickydoo · 19/12/2011 10:38

He earns at least 6x what I do, but need to work it out properly.

OP posts:
itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 19/12/2011 10:39

Well household bills plus school fees must come to a lot
Do you know how much he has over?

giveyourselfashiny · 19/12/2011 10:39

so what does he pay for?
mortgage
council tax
electric
gas
insurance
tv
water
phone
net
school fees X2...
thats a fair wack aswell,
how much does he earn?

itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 19/12/2011 10:40

Hmmmmm

It might be that he can't actually afford to pay any more

School fees are £1000s a term , no?

UnexpectedOrangeInMyStocking · 19/12/2011 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ambrosius · 19/12/2011 10:42

IMO a husband and wife (or partners living together esp. with children) should share financial responsibility for all aspects of family life and the amount should be reflective of what they earn. personal expenditure is different. I assume he pays the mortgage and bills? do they take up his entire wage or does he have money left over, what does he spend iy on? if he doesn't then you both need to rethink your budget.

troisgarcons · 19/12/2011 10:44

6 x £700 is just shy of 5K per month - is that gross or net - coz with the mortgage and usual household bills plus life insurances and pensions - that is about right to be running a house in the South. Fair enough we choose to pensions, life insurance, house insurance etc. But throw in prep school fees and I can see your joint incomes being sucked roight away.

squeakytoy · 19/12/2011 10:45

so you have 0 left at the end of the month, he has how much left? It it is 6 x 0 then fair enough, but I doubt that is the case..

you simply say to him, "I need £xxx" for the christmas food shop and presents"

I dont understand married couples who have "his and hers" money to this extent, particularly when there is a gaping differing in income.

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