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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is excessive (Xmas presents)?

49 replies

hatesponge · 18/12/2011 18:47

Ex and I have 2 DSs, ages 10 and 13.

For Xmas, I have been told by DS1 that Ex has bought DS2 a desktop computer so he (DS2) can play World of Warcraft on it Hmm. And the game of course. And other small stuff.

DS1 says he is getting clothes (a pair of Vans, Hollister/Lyle & Scott type stuff), money, and another 'big' present though not sure what.

AIBU to think it's too much? (Not that theres anything I can do about it, it's up to him what he buys them, but it just seems such a lot...)

OP posts:
itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 18/12/2011 18:49

I think a big purchase like a computer should be jointly agreed
Will it have all the safety software on it?

StealthPolarBear · 18/12/2011 18:53

I'm sorry I don't see the problem? Do they live with you? He probably wants to spoil them

DeWe · 18/12/2011 18:55

It doesn't sound ridiculous for that age. Maybe he wants ds2 to be able to play WoW at the same time as himself so they can play together.

Liluri · 18/12/2011 18:57

Lucky boys - lots of expensive presents there, but not to the point of extremes.

Annpan88 · 18/12/2011 18:57

I guess its a lot but its nice to see a thread with a dad whose makiing an effort

PersonalClown · 18/12/2011 18:58

Will the ex be playing the subscription for WOW?? It's about £8.99 a month once the initial term is over.

I'm thinking..no.

valiumredhead · 18/12/2011 18:58

Why do you think it is excessive?

Annpan88 · 18/12/2011 18:58

As in instead of the standard 'useless' ex posts, not to say I thinlk dads don't make an effort

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 18/12/2011 19:01

Is the computer to be kept at your house or Dad's house? It sounds like a lot, but many non resident parents do seem to think that money = time = alleviation of the guilt of not being resident...

Original poster
hatesponge · 18/12/2011 19:03

I should think it highly unlikely there will be any safety software on it, unless it comes pre-installed, Ex is even less computer literate than me (which is saying something!)

Possibly I'm tight then? I have spent about £250 in total on the boys (which I think is a fair figure tbh), he's spent nearly double that each.

Oh, and it's only DS2 who wants to play WoW as some of his schoolfriends play, he'd be playing on his own/with them.

OP posts:
FeebleFeebie · 18/12/2011 19:03

so all those buying laptops, iphones, ipads and whatnot for their kids are also out of order ? Or only if they are men?

Original poster
hatesponge · 18/12/2011 19:06

nothing has been said yet as to where computer will be kept, but I expect that Ex will want to keep it at his parents where he's currently living - the boys stay there on their weekends with him. On that basis I guess he'll be paying the subscription as well...

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 18/12/2011 19:07

My ex told me yesterday that he has got ds an ipod touch.

Ds already has an ipod touch that I gave him a year ago, and although it is the smallest one you can get, it was still a bloody ipod!! This one has more memory apparantly, and he will be able to do face time Hmm

I am annoyed because we had talked about presents, and I'd told ex that I wanted to get ds a 3DS. This is a big purchase for me and he knew that, because we discussed it!

I think he was just jealous that I was getting the thing that ds had asked for and he wanted to trump it. Never mind the fact that ds will already have enough electronics as it is, and I don't want him to end up spoiled and thinking he can get two big presents every Christmas and Birthday just because his parents split. It is very annoying and I'm quite upset, but ther is bugger all I can do about it. So I feel your pain, but at the same time, at least your ds is getting clothes. It saves you buying them at least.

squeakytoy · 18/12/2011 19:08

If the father can afford it, then what is the problem?

If he spends the rest of the year avoiding paying for essential needs that they have, then it is wrong, but I dont see any mention of that in the OP.

nerfmum · 18/12/2011 19:09

we have bought DS1 10 a laptop (2nd hand though) not excessive they need it for high school next year.
Be grateful you are not scrabbling for maintainance.

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 18/12/2011 19:11

I think I would be quietly pleased if my DCs' father bought them presents like this.

Computers and clothes are expensive and useful - it's not like he's buying them quad bikes.

I have always had to shell out for these over the past eleven years, and I wish my ExH would have helped, instead of buying them a book and a pair of socks each at Christmas.

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 18/12/2011 19:11

In that case, if you have to find room for it, pay for it and supervise it's use then YADNBU

If it's to be stored by used by during the week paid for and supervised by XP then YAprobablystillNBU but there's sod all you can do about it except give DS a strong grounding in not talking to randoms online!

herbietea · 18/12/2011 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bunbaker · 18/12/2011 19:15

"It doesn't sound ridiculous for that age. Maybe he wants ds2 to be able to play WoW at the same time as himself so they can play together."

It does to me. It sounds a bit like guilt buying. That is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a child. I would have thought that the PC would be a nice joint present, and can also be used for doing homwork on. DD started at high school in September and is expected to use a computer for homework. I would also strongly advise that you download some anti-virus and firewall software

Hulababy · 18/12/2011 19:17

Well, if he can afford it, isn't spending more than he has and all that - then it is up to him.

Do the children expect it or do they appreciate what they get? Being in the position to recieve more expensive gifts does not make a spoilt child/person, that's to do with attitude.

We spend a fair bit at times on DD but never spend what we can't afford. Some years it may be something very big and expensive, other years not. Each to their own and all that.

Original poster
hatesponge · 18/12/2011 19:18

slavetofilofax, that's kind of how I feel. They each have a Ds, Xbox, flatscreen TV, ipod touch, Ds1 has a Blackberry etc etc. I am naturally frugal, Ex isn't, and it doesnt sit well with me.

I will probably get accused of AIBU by stealth now (sorry!) but he doesn't actually pay me a penny. He's not technically doing anything wrong because there is no court/CSA type thing in place to fix what he should pay. And for many reasons I prefer to manage without his money, and am lucky that I have a job and can support the three of us.

OP posts:
BarbaraMillicentR0berts · 18/12/2011 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 18/12/2011 19:25

Well I take my comment back because I don't like making comments when I haven't the full information.

I'm afraid that I don't understand your situation, even with the extra posts,
so I couldn't advise you.

But I wish you well and Xmas Smile

Original poster
hatesponge · 18/12/2011 19:26

bunbaker, I would definitely prefer it as a joint present. Because I know that DS1 will now be unhappy that Ds2 has a computer and he doesn't. So either I'll have to buy him one for his birthday or next Xmas, or Ex will. But then that can't be joint because the other one is DS2s, and that's not fair. So if it's kept here I'll have DS2 moaning that DS1 won't let him use it. And so on.

This is how they've ended up having an Xbox each here, and another at Ex's parents...

OP posts:
Kova · 18/12/2011 19:34

Tbh I think it's more important that kids learn things like computers are to be shared, and games consoles tbh, otherwise it just gets silly.

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