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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH should flipping well cook for once?

29 replies

RagamuffinAndFidget · 18/12/2011 16:16

FIVE YEARS I have been cooking meals for this man. Five years. In that time he has made lamb stew, once, spaghetti bolognaise, three times, and started to make a shepherd's pie which I then finished because he got bored.

Today I really can't be bothered to cook and I think he should do it instead. DH thinks I'm BU. Am I?

OP posts:
michglas · 18/12/2011 16:17

I think you should get a takeaway instead for today. After that, you should roster DH into cook twice a week.

rainbowinthesky · 18/12/2011 16:17

WHy do you even have to ask this question? WHy have you been a mug for 5 years? You're as much to blame for this as he is.

WorraLiberty · 18/12/2011 16:18

Stop enabling him to be a lazy git then.

troisgarcons · 18/12/2011 16:19

Out of curiosity, how many times have you done heavy DIY? Or serviced the car before an MOT?

Just asking!

hocuspontas · 18/12/2011 16:27

Blimey, has your dp done heavy diy and car servicing every day for 5 years?

Op, you can't just ask out of the blue, you need to set up a system where chores including cooking are divvied up between you. It's no one's job to skivvy for the other.

Goolash · 18/12/2011 16:31

What are his reasons for saying you're unreasonable?

itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 18/12/2011 16:32

You've been a mug for five years!!

troisgarcons · 18/12/2011 16:36

It's quite simple - who is in first, cooks.

If one of you is always in hours ahead of the other then divvy it up at weekends. My DH does Saturday and Sunday breakfast and lunch. I would not expect him to cook of weekday as he gets home 4 hours after me.

So unless your DP is an unemployed crackhead, playing the xbox on the sofa all day, suffounded by a reef of dirty plates, cups and pringles tubes I presume he works. I presume you work too (be that outside the house or as a home maker?) so you both have jobs.

These stupid tit-for-tat rota suggestions wind me up no end. People fall into a patttern of what they feel comfortable with ie
I cook, you bath the children.

I cook, you make me endless cups of coffee all night!

You cook, I do the dishwasher.
You cook, I do the ironing
and so on.

It just isnt worth getting uptight over making a spag bol.

StewieGriffinsMom · 18/12/2011 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbbyAbsinthe · 18/12/2011 16:51

That's disgraceful Shock

What's the rest of the distribution of labour? Not that it makes a difference!

Original poster
RagamuffinAndFidget · 18/12/2011 16:52

I am a SAHM, he works (as a chef!) five days a week. He's not actually lazy - he doesn't do DIY and we don't have a car though. He doesn't think he should have to cook because he already does it five days a week.. I said if I felt that way about caring for our children/doing the hoovering/walking the dog then we'd all be in trouble.

I don't actually mind cooking usually, I enjoy it, but I am feeling quite tired (lazy?) today so I think he should give it a go for once! He disagrees. He said his cooking isn't as good as mine (presumably thinking a compliment would get him out of it?).. I said in that case he probably needs to practise!

OP posts:
BlissfulMistletoe · 18/12/2011 16:53

My dh used to be a fantastic cook, however I took over and he forgot how to cook.

I love cooking so together we clean the kitchen

Original poster
RagamuffinAndFidget · 18/12/2011 16:54

By the way, this isn't me DH-bashing, I do actually love him a lot and think he's wonderful, etc etc. I'm just hoping that if enough MNers say he should be cooking he might actually take some notice Grin

OP posts:
BlissfulMistletoe · 18/12/2011 16:55

Op does he do anything or is he using the house as a hotel.

gothicangel · 18/12/2011 16:56

when i tell hubby to cook he gets takeaway :)

so i just him once a month its his turn to cook, x

squeakytoy · 18/12/2011 16:57

If he cooks all day every day I dont blame him BUT he should allow you to have a day off it at home.

My husband doesnt cook, and hasnt cooked me a meal in the ten years we have been married.. but he does pay for a takeaway at least once a week, and also takes me out for a meal every couple of weeks too, even if it is just a cheap pub meal.

He also doesnt moan when on some days we just have a bacon butty or cheese on toast rather than a full cooked meal like we are doing today, and we have not starved to death yet. :)

Original poster
RagamuffinAndFidget · 18/12/2011 16:57

He does lots of things Blissful, I'm not usually even that bothered about cooking (although don't tell him that or my 'I've cooked all your meals for the last five years so go and get me a hot chocolate' argument goes out of the window!) and I do enjoy it. I just think it's a bit rich that on the one day I ask him to cook he says he CBA!

OP posts:
BlissfulMistletoe · 18/12/2011 16:59

Op I think both of you are tired and a takeaway should be on order

CardyMow · 18/12/2011 17:03

Ugh! My Ex-P was a chef. He was exactly the same. Too much like a busman's holiday apparently. I didn't put up with it though! IMO, you should kick him into the kitchen, and tell himto get on with it. If he works as a chef, then his food will be at least edible, so the compliments are just to try to get out of it, the lazy arse!

My answer would be "Kitchen's that way, get on with it".

Oh - and WHY have you put up with this for 5 years?!

AbbyAbsinthe · 18/12/2011 17:04

Yeah, if there's a job that he really hates, he shouldn't have to do it Hmm
Cos I LOVE cleaning the toilet...

Suppose he could pay for a takeaway - but once in a blue moon when you cba, he should do it , imo. It's selfish.

NinkyNonker · 18/12/2011 17:07

Yanbu, at all.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 18/12/2011 17:09

Does someone who works in childcare get to do nothing child related at the weekend? No

He should cook

troisgarcons · 18/12/2011 17:11

He's a chef and you want him to cook when he comes in? I can understand that, who wouldnt like a live in chef!!!! - but I can understand he might not want to "bring his work home" with him!

One of my mantras is "I hate fecking ironing" and this will go on for at least 3 hours on a Sunday accompanied with many sighs! MN-ers will tell me
(a) make him do it
(b) make the kids do it
(c) get an ironing lady
(d) leave it as no one irons anymore.

But I would counter that with
(a) he cant stand for 3 hours because he's diabetic with ulcerated legs
(b) yeah right!
(c) If you think I'm paying £1.50 a shirt to be ironed when I have 20 work and school shirts a week let alone other things, think on
(d) no one leaves this house looking like bag of crumpled shit.

Therefore I do the ironing even though I hate it with a passion.

But DH will make my lunch and supply me with coffee Grin

Life is about give and take; we all have to do things we hate. Or we can make a list for the ""fair"" division of labour, piss everyone off and wonder why relationships fail. Compromise is the word. I moan, he makes lunch simples. Mind you, now I've twigged tumble drying the lot in the industrial machines at the launderette once a week
(a) saves my lekkie by £120 a month
(b) reduces ironing to 20 shirts, 4 trousers
(c) gives me 2 hours back
and I still get endless coffee Grin its a win-win situation!

BlissfulMistletoe · 18/12/2011 17:16

See I hate ironing I will happily run out of clothes before I will pick it up. My dh does the ironing. I don't touch his iron so he don't touch my cooker lol

troisgarcons · 18/12/2011 17:19

See? a woman aftrer my own heart - but you'd think wouldnt you? that "they" can put a non-gender-specific humanoid on the moon - but they cant fecking make crease free school shirts! (Yes! M&S, I mean you bunch of mis labelling twats!)