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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

scared

29 replies

blondmagnet · 18/12/2011 00:33

Im 17 weeks pregnant with no2 and my hubby has just told me he no longer wants me. He says I was always a mongrel on the outside but a beautiful person inside but now I'm mining on both. He then said roll on wife number 2, no I mean 1 because you don't even count. He's now saying I've to keep quiet until baby is here then we'll take it from there. I'm in bits, have no family or friends to talk to and am getting bullied at work just now. Please someone tell me it'll get better because I'm 3 foot from the edge.

OP posts:
winnybella · 18/12/2011 00:38

What a wanker. I don't think anyone can tell you it'll get better, tbh, as I doubt that a person capable of saying something so insensitive, cruel and nasty has it in him to ever be a loving partner. I suspect it didn't come out of the blue?

belledechocchipcookie · 18/12/2011 00:39

Sad Oh pet. Was he like this during your last pregancy?

winnybella · 18/12/2011 00:39

And I'm very sorry you're going through it. Is there really no one you can talk to? How old is your DC1?

ChocolateTeacup · 18/12/2011 00:40

what a fucking twat!!! It will get better and you can manage on your own, it is possible it is him being scared and lashing but what a wankerish thing to say

squeakytoy · 18/12/2011 00:48

Oh it can get better. Getting scum like him out of your life will make it much better, for you and your children.

Do you have family that you could move nearer to? Or go to stay with for a while?

Original poster
blondmagnet · 18/12/2011 00:55

He has always been there for me but the past few months we've been arguing more and more about everything from money to my mental state to my family. I'm a very damaged person. That stems back to child abuse from my parents hence no family. I've been signed off by mental health services saying I'm fine even though I'm not. He was always there for me through my last pregnancy but this time he hasn't been there. He prefers to chill on the laptop and moans at me for everything. My little girl is 8 months. I'm terrified and very lonely

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 18/12/2011 01:09

I think you need to go back to your GP on Monday for a start. Explain that you are feeling unwell again.

Do you have any friends at all in the area? People who you knew before you met your partner? Anyone at all who you could turn to?

If, not then WomensAid will be able to give you advice too. His behaviour is abusive and you do not need to put up with it.

winnybella · 18/12/2011 01:14

Look, it's very late and you won't get that many replies but try to get some sleep and come back on here tomorrow. There is a lot of fantastic MNers who will give you lots and lots of support- I guarantee that.

And remember that even after blackest moments happiness can come and however shitty this situation is at the moment, it can get better. I think you may be vulnerable and putting up with being in an emotionally abusive situation. He had no right whatsoever to say a thing like that.

I have to go to bed now (it's after 2am where I live) but I'll come back tomorrow.

winnybella · 18/12/2011 01:16

GP and WA both good ideas. BTW WA is not only for women beaten senseless every day, it can advice and help victims of all kinds of abuse.

winnybella · 18/12/2011 01:16

*advise

AgnesBligg · 18/12/2011 01:35

Agree with winnybella about returning tomorrow for available excellent support from mners.

What kind of a husband says this to his wife? He is an utter cunt. He is not the be all for your life, christ almighty, you can develop a solid wonderful future for yourself and your DC. Without this loser. It can definitely be better, better than ever for you.

lollilou · 18/12/2011 02:41

Please please keep coming back to this forum.What he has said said to you is horrible and you need support and people to listen to you. We are all here to do that. We can be your friends and family if you need us.

lifechanger · 18/12/2011 06:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittyFane · 18/12/2011 07:51

I'm so sorry fir your situation OP.
You can find your local woman's aid here they can offer advice and support.

Innkeeperno3 · 18/12/2011 08:04

Oh that is just awful Sad. Please listen to the advice and get away from this man.

maja15 · 18/12/2011 10:11

Go and see your GP straight away. Hopefully they'll arrange some help in the form of counselling that should help deal with this. And keep on coming back here.

CardyMow · 18/12/2011 10:28

OMG. Your HUSBAND is a mongrel on the inside AND the outside to say something like that to you. Please call Women's aid. You don't deserve to be treated like this. Just because you had a shit childhood (been there) doesn't mean you have to have a shit time of it when you are grown up. You don't need anyone in your life who will treat you like this. Please get away from this man, you deserve so much better.

JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 18/12/2011 10:32

Ye Gods... What a horrible, horrible man. Please do call Women's Aid immediately.

Please don't let your little girl learn that his treatment of you is "normal".

Onemorning · 18/12/2011 13:15

Blond, I'm so sorry. It sounds like you're getting rubbish from all sides at the moment.

No advice, just huge squeezy hug xxxx

FeebleFeebie · 18/12/2011 14:14

was he drunk/drinking?

some people say nasty things when they are under the influence :(

Frankly the minute he said i was a mongrel, i would have laughed in his face then walked out, why havent you?

ImperialBlether · 18/12/2011 14:42

FeebleFeebie, I assume she didn't laugh at being called a mongrel because she suffered abuse from her parents which has led her to have terrible self esteem and mental health issues.

NinkyNonker · 18/12/2011 15:02

It can only get better from here, because he is an arse of the highest order. There will be lots of help for you, see the CAB and get rid pronto.

LizaTarbucksAuntie · 18/12/2011 15:14

Well done, you made a good choice to post this and there will be lots of people around to help and support you.

Your best move will be away from this horrible excuse for a human being and with support you can do this.

Veda · 18/12/2011 15:58

How dare he tell you to keep quiet til the baby comes!!!??? You owe him nothing after all he's said. Think about the security of your family and ger shot of him before baby comes so you can move on. And tell everyone you can think of so that you are not alone in this.

I'm so sorry

TheTinselsTheWrongColour · 18/12/2011 16:08

I feel awful just reading this

how long have you been together
does he work
any idea if he had been there for you in the past why he would suddenly change
did you plan another baby so soon after having the 1st
is there any other abuse
does he interact with baby
is there anything you have not told us (possibly as you feel ashamed/afraid)if so don't feel like it as a lot of good advice/support on here

I would be digging deeper into this but definately go to your gp,if you still have the sameone then they know your history and definately speak to wa/cab to get some clear advice