Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be a bit concerned that DD was 'shy' at her Christmas concert

41 replies

professorsnape · 16/12/2011 18:26

DD, age 4, was an elf at her Xmas concert today. They've been practising it for weeks in her montessori, she was all excited about it.

Now can I just say, I'm not one of these pushy 'my child has to perform', pageant moms.

But when she sang the songs at home, she was great at doing the actions and all. She was frozen with stage fright, but sang the songs alright. She waved up at us and seemed to enjoy it.

Gawd, reading back, I sound like a bit of a head-wreacker, it's such a non-problem.

But I think the problem is that she seems much more confident/extrovert at home but seems different when out and about. I suppose am just concerned that she'll be ok in school (starting next Sept) or if I can do anything to make her more herself/more relaxed when out and about.

I have twin boys, so outings have been limited and we tend to keep ourself to ourselves outside montessori/creche and family/cousins, etc.

Was thinking of enrolling her in gymnastics, ballet classes - would that be a good idea?

Her montessori teachers say she's doing great there. I suppose it's ok to be a bit shy.

Does anyone get nervous about how their children will act/get on with others in this way?

Ok, sorry for ranty email.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 16/12/2011 18:27

Sounds completely normal

valiumredhead · 16/12/2011 18:28

She is 4 getting up in front of people and performing is a massive deal to some kids. Would you be ok getting up in front of a room full of people? I wouldn't.

Give her a bit of time before you start worrying and enrolling her in things to encourage confidence.

AgentZigzag · 16/12/2011 18:32

I was a fairy in a panto when I was three, I stood in the middle of the stage, pulled up my socks and went off crying

You shouldn't really have the expectations you have of a 4 YO, she's only tiny!

Definately nothing to worry about, I bet she was great

JamieComeHome · 16/12/2011 18:34

It's normal. Performing in front of a lot people is a big deal for the majority of people. IME a lot of children who are confident in class, with their friends or at home freeze on stage. And she's only 4

OTOH, some children (like my DS1), come into their own on stage

Stop worrying.

Snowy27 · 16/12/2011 18:35

This sounds very normal. My reception class were amazing singers and signers in every rehearsal. Concert day arrives and it was practically a teacher solo!

Some children thrive on everyone watching, but a lot find it intimidating, scary and sometimes are just more interested in looking for Mum in the audience than singing!

Does she talk to family members or friends? Interact with other children? Then I wouldn't worry too much.

Gymnastics, ballet etc are all great if she enjoys them ,but do think about how tired she is, lots of mine have extra religious classes in the evening and can be absolutely knackered after a full day of school!

valiumredhead · 16/12/2011 18:35

And actually OP with respect you do sound pushy, sorry. It is pushy to consider enrolling dd into things just because she got a bit shy at a Christmas concert.

Bibbo · 16/12/2011 18:38

My DD is 4 and also like this. she was an elf too! tbh I was just glad she sang the songs and didn't dissolve in tears at the sight of me and DH in the audience

I really feel she is too young to get uptight about it. Also, any uptightness will no doubt be completely counter productive and will probably rub off on her and make her even more shy!

Has your DD's confidence in public improved since starting school? When mine began she was much more shy than she is now, in tears every day etc. She is making tiny bits of progress all the time and I think the best thing is just to try to relax about it and let her find her feet in her own time.

Lucky21 · 16/12/2011 18:40

lol - agree with everyone else - totally normal, bless! My little girl is really loud and singy at home and if she's totally comfortable but can completely clam up if put on the spot! It's sooo not something to waste your precious time worrying about!!

JamieComeHome · 16/12/2011 18:41

I think you might need to have a think about why this is so important to you, and keep remembering to accept her how she is. I speak from experience

thepeoplesprincess · 16/12/2011 18:42

Ah bless. She's only four.

JamieComeHome · 16/12/2011 18:43

jeez, I sounded patronising. Sorry

festi · 16/12/2011 18:45

it is normal I wouldnt not worry, my dd goes to stage school and is in y1 very over confident in general at school and at home, she was miserable as sin in her school nativity, she did not smile, did not take part spent half the time swinging around and looking at the people behind her, she was out of step with dancing and was pulling at her clothes. It was not a comfertable moment for her and she didnt enjoy it, its no biggy I just felt for her that she wasnt having as much fun as she had when doing at home and rehersing at school.

Dd came out and said thank goodness no more horrible nativity, and I high fived her as she just didnt get into it and was happy it was over. I did joke and say if she had aspirations as mary in future she must chage that attitude, she just chuckled You cant put expectations on a four year old l;et alone any child to perform when they are not feeling it.

Nativity performaces are just very intence and to expect a 4 yr old to do a solo is quite sad and OTT in my opinion.

Goolash · 16/12/2011 18:47

I think many adults would froze with stage fright

lljkk · 16/12/2011 19:22

I am so amazed at how well most of them do, standing singing speaking in front of great big audiences.

"Mary" with the lovely voice barely managed to sing to us at preschool Nativity this week. She just stared bog-eyed.

One boy (who I know well, very confident laid back and sweet normally) in the y2 choir sobbed thru everything he couldn't cope with the heaving audience.

I had the reverse experience, the quiet as a mouse 90% of the time DC who could easily stand in front of the whole school to loudly recite things.

Pandemoniaa · 16/12/2011 19:56

It was all I could do to persuade ds1 (aged 4) to be a reindeer in his first nativity at primary school. He had absolutely nothing to say but for all that, he was distinctly unimpressed about making any sort of public appearance. Apart from this he was a sociable lad with plenty of friends.

ds2 (who, in fairness, did go on to get a degree in Drama) acted as if he owned the stage at his first nativity. However, from my experience this was very unusual. The majority of four and five olds will find the reality of suddenly appearing in front of an audience daunting, no matter how confident and sociable they are and no matter how often they have rehearsed their parts.

So please, treat your dd's shyness when performing as perfectly usual and no evidence, whatsoever, of potential problems to come at school.

boglach · 16/12/2011 19:59

I wept at my ds nativity. He is a quiet, reserved sort of boy. Very bright, loving and full of passion for life - but definately not an extrovert or performer

He was a narrator. I helped him practice his words but reassured him to just try his best and not to worry if he found it daunting. Well he did it! Yes he was nervous and a little overwhelmed but I was so proud of him.

I am 32 and I still cannot handle public speaking. I do wonder if it is good to encourage the shy ones to overcome it a bit, as it is a life skill. But no, never be pushy or expectant

pigletmania · 16/12/2011 20:08

She is only 4 give her a chance, of course she might be anxious or worried performing in front of all those people, it would stump any adult let alone a little 4 year old.

slavetofilofax · 16/12/2011 20:51

You are being silly. Today I was with a child in my class of reception children burst into tears before singing the one Christmas song they were doing in the play, mumble her way through it, then burst into tears again as soon as it had finished.

She has performed well in all of the practices, her Mum says she sings all the time at home and is always looking for an audience, and she is more than happy to sing little songs or tell stories standing up in front of the rest of the class when she gets the chance. She socialises very well, and is doing well in every other way.

A bit of stage fright at age four does not indicate that there is anything at all to worry about. It's natural for you to worry, as you would probably worry even if she had sung a whole carol solo, but really, your little girl is fine.

WashingLion · 16/12/2011 21:37

My very loud and confident dd was a shrinking violet during her nativity. Her father and I are quite happy to stand up and give presentations at work and we are both shy! It's very weird but I wouldn't worry-people are very complex!

exoticfruits · 16/12/2011 21:51

Completely natural. Half the adults couldn't stand up and talk to the audience if asked to!!
It is a big thing. There are lots of complaints on here from posters who want their DC to shine in a main part-the DC probably wants to be the back row of the chorus!

BliggOfTheDump · 16/12/2011 22:48

If she is a bit shy, its not a bad thing. Everyone is different. But it is probably a case of being on stage and feeling a bit perplexed by it all. Either way, nothing to worry about.

CrapBag · 16/12/2011 22:50

My DS (nearly 4) is pretty loud and bossy, quite a ringleader with his friends. He sat chewing his fingers in the play and refused to do the part he was suppose to.

I admit I was disappointed as I was looking forward to seeing him, but he is more shy in front of a lot of people. It is normal and I know I was the same.

I think enrolling in classes is a good idea. I am going to send DS somewhere soon, football or marshal arts to wear himself out a bit more! Hoping he will be more confident in front of people as well. I don't want him to be like I was, but if he is then I won't push it.

Pantofino · 16/12/2011 22:51

I am 43 and perfectly confident in most business/ social situations. Make me go on a stage and SPEAK though.....I would be a blushing, crumbling wreck. She is 4 - please cut her some slack.....

superduperdiva · 16/12/2011 22:51

Gawd I had chronic acute shyness as a child.

I now do a job that involves major public speaking. Like serious stuff.

Don't worry about it. Totally normal at that age.

cestlavielife · 16/12/2011 22:53

She is only four but find a local drama class if you want something to boost her confidence

Flip

1 2