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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit concerned that DD was 'shy' at her Christmas concert

41 replies

professorsnape · 16/12/2011 18:26

DD, age 4, was an elf at her Xmas concert today. They've been practising it for weeks in her montessori, she was all excited about it.

Now can I just say, I'm not one of these pushy 'my child has to perform', pageant moms.

But when she sang the songs at home, she was great at doing the actions and all. She was frozen with stage fright, but sang the songs alright. She waved up at us and seemed to enjoy it.

Gawd, reading back, I sound like a bit of a head-wreacker, it's such a non-problem.

But I think the problem is that she seems much more confident/extrovert at home but seems different when out and about. I suppose am just concerned that she'll be ok in school (starting next Sept) or if I can do anything to make her more herself/more relaxed when out and about.

I have twin boys, so outings have been limited and we tend to keep ourself to ourselves outside montessori/creche and family/cousins, etc.

Was thinking of enrolling her in gymnastics, ballet classes - would that be a good idea?

Her montessori teachers say she's doing great there. I suppose it's ok to be a bit shy.

Does anyone get nervous about how their children will act/get on with others in this way?

Ok, sorry for ranty email.

OP posts:

Pantofino · 16/12/2011 22:54

There was an old Dave Allen joke (showing my age) about "I would rather die than speak in public" So upshot is most people would prefer to be in the coffin than give the Eulogy....

NorksAreMessy · 16/12/2011 22:59

I used to be a management trainer, and started a lot of courses with " who is afraid of snakes" - 5 or 6 hands went up...."'who is afraid of flying" 8 or ten hands went up..." who would be afraid of standing up here in front of all 60 or so of you" , nearly everybody's hand went up.

Standing in front of lots of people is SCARY and being scared is NORMAL.
Especially when you are 4

duvetdayplease · 16/12/2011 23:00

Really normal. As hard as it is I would just praise everything you thought was good and let her work out for herself if she wants to be centre stage or not. Not everyone likes performing - really not important either way as long as in later life you can do what you need to for work or to achieve what you want.

I am a back room person, still been successful but will never be the one in front of cameras, unlike my husband.

MrsBeaver · 16/12/2011 23:07

My DD looked miserable in her pre-school play, even though she loves it there. The event is just too big a deal for the little ones.

duvetdayplease · 16/12/2011 23:09

That is why they should only have to do two songs IMO. Everyone is happy, they get to dress up, we go to see it, we all clap, we don't have to sit through 45 minutes of badly written pap... I am not a massive fan of the school play.

exoticfruits · 17/12/2011 08:39

How sad duvetdayplease-I absolutely love them-even when it isn't my DC.
I have shy DCs, but many shine on stage. It depends on the child. I don't go 'just to see my child'-I go to see the whole production. It is also good for them, they gain confidence in time. I would have been the very shy child at 4 yrs but I could happily stand up and talk to a hall full of people now.

StupidLikeButton · 17/12/2011 08:49

It's normal....I struggled so much at first when I realised my now 7 year old was extremely shy....but she is getting over it AND even if she doesn't I have resolved to accept it.

Of course I help her by offering to take her to lots of activities....but the fact is, she's not that happy about this sometimes. The good news is that she has always been able to make friends and often makes very tight little groups of mates who appear to really be fond of her.
Your DD will be fine...I advise you not to push her too much...but to follow her lead. Gymnastcs was the est class we ever went to as there wasvery little ng things on their own.

Dustinthewind · 17/12/2011 08:52

One of the lovely things about being a teacher in the same school school for 7 years is that you get to see the progress over the time. The shy 4 year old who might have had an accident on stage or cried for mummy becomes the confident 11 year old doing a cheeky parody of a teacher at the Y6 leaving show, or the soloist, or a stalwart member of the chorus.
It is very normal to be shy in front of an audience, especially if you haven't got a lot of experience.

DuchessofMalfi · 17/12/2011 09:00

DD has been going to ballet classes since she was 3, and I think that has given her so much confidence. I thought she was on track to be painfully shy, like I was as a child and wouldn't speak to anyone, but she isn't, and I think a lot of that has been down to her ballet teachers.

The ballet school encouraged everyone to take part in their show earlier in the year - it was optional, but DD was very keen to have a go, and thoroughly enjoyed her experience there. So when it came to the Christmas school play she was comfortable with appearing on stage.

OP, if your're thinking of ballet (or other dance) classes, I'd wholeheartedly recommend them for confidence-building, and all the other positive things that come from them.

Runoutofideas · 17/12/2011 09:11

My 4 year old dd (reception) is outgoing and slightly bonkers at home, but at her nativity she burst into tears as the introduction to the first song was played and spent the remainder of the show cuddled up on the headteacher's knee. Am I worried about her confidence? No - it'll come in time. It shows progress from pre-school last year when she refused to put her costume on, was an angel in jeans and a t shirt for 30 seconds before bursting into tears as someone else did their bit wrong!

StupidLikeButton · 17/12/2011 09:33

Aw Runout I love it when they do their own thing...we had a shepard doing his own dance throughout the show this year.

OldeChestnut · 17/12/2011 10:01

cant stand those kids who are all "acty/drama-y" - loud, fake type people who keep dancing/singing/shouting at the drop of a hat

i just want to whack them with my handbag and say stop showing off

DuchessofMalfi · 17/12/2011 15:11

OldeChestnut - bah humbug . Not every child who goes to acting/dancing class is a show off. Some of them, like my DD, just find it confidence-building. I certainly don't encourage "show-off" behaviour, but I am proud of the fact that she wasn't fazed by appearing on stage and didn't burst into tears and run off at the sight of a hall full of parents and teachers.

fallon8 · 17/12/2011 16:58

Did you consider jumping on the stage,pushing her orf and doing it yourself?After all she is four and should be perfectly able to perform in front of a roomful of over bearing,pushy parents without being upset....Catch yourself on and dont waste time/money on pushing her any more.

Laquitar · 17/12/2011 19:37

Tbh i think the more you get stressed and the more you try to boost their confidence it can backfire.
Children do sense it when their parents are stressed and have high expectations.

The biggest confidence boost imo is seeing their parents enjoying their lives/hobbies/friends.

As for the drama/dance classes are fine if the child enjoys it -my dd2 goes to one- but it is only a hobby nothing more.

exoticfruits · 17/12/2011 19:50

When my DS was 4 yrs he spent the whole play on his grandad's knee in the audience-it is no big deal.

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