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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit pissed off with people who announce they are not doing Xmas pressies today!!

59 replies

RachelHRD · 16/12/2011 16:57

Just found out re DH that his DB left him a message today to say that they aren't doing Xmas presents this year as money is a bit tight. Fair enough money is tight for us too but I have already bought their presents!! The 16th Dec is a bit late to tell us.....

They will be embarrassed if we give them so I either have to take them back (not sure I still have the receipts) or keep them for another time.

Hmmmmppphhhh.....Xmas Hmm

OP posts:
buggyRunner · 16/12/2011 16:59

They should have told you earlier. Fair enough on not doing them though

roulade · 16/12/2011 17:01

Save them for birthdays.

lisad123 · 16/12/2011 17:02

So you would rather them get into debt Hmm
You can always give your gift, you don't need anything in return if the gift is given with love and thoughtfulness

Dozer · 16/12/2011 17:03

Take'em back! Or keep them for birthdays.

YABU not to keep receipts.

Eggrules · 16/12/2011 17:04

It is very late to announce a present embargo. Xmas Hmm

I would not give them and either take them back or recycle another time.

Original poster
RachelHRD · 16/12/2011 17:04

No I don't want to get them into debt Hmm- money is tight for us too but surely if you decide not to do presents you should let people know a bit earlier than 9 days before Xmas? As I said they will be embarrassed if we still give them....

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 16/12/2011 17:06

That is way too late to tell you.

I think the idea of keeping pressies for birthdays is a good one if you can't find receipts. TBH if money is tight then returning them where you can is probably the best option.

Original poster
RachelHRD · 16/12/2011 17:06

I only tend to keep receipts for our stuff as don't send them with presents - do many people send receipts with Xmas pressies? I kind of assume that people can exchange without receipt if they really want to..

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 16/12/2011 17:07

What are the presents?

SmethwickBelle · 16/12/2011 17:08

Having bought them, I'd give them, so what if they're "embarrassed"? Thyey should have told you earlier. Just say you'd already bought them, and it doesn't mean you expect one back.

Original poster
RachelHRD · 16/12/2011 17:10

Thankfully they aren't Xmas related so I can prob use the kids presents for b'days but the adult ones we don't do birthday pressies and I'm not sure they will suit any other people. Just a bit annoying when money is tight for us and I could do without the unnecessary expense and buying birthday pressies so early!!

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/12/2011 17:14

YANBU

if you've lost the receipts you could try selling the items on Ebay

lisad123 · 16/12/2011 17:14

So the kids won't get their presents from you either? Sad

carernotasaint · 16/12/2011 17:15

They are unreasonable to tell you this 9 days before xmas. Theyve obviously not realised that not everyone leaves everything to the last minute. I dont give to recieve either. If i were you i would just give them to them as you have bought them now. But if they say anything i would just gently say that you find it less stressful to organise Christmas stuff earlier.

Yulewithadragontattoo · 16/12/2011 17:16

I think that is rotten this close to Xmas. It's not just about the money it's the stress of choosing something and going round hot, busy shopping centres looking for the perfect gift. Why don't you say you've already got the gifts so perhaps the no presents thing could start next year.

StupidLikeButton · 16/12/2011 17:20

They may have been aiting for some money that's not turned up...o have realised they're tighter than they were...it's not their fault.

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 16/12/2011 17:20

otoh, perhaps they have tried and tried and tried to find the money in order to avoid the embarrassment of having to lay out their financial problems, but now have accepted that they simply are not going to be able to find the money and have no other choice.

tbh, I'd give them the presents. Say you'd already got them and you'd love them to have them, and please don't worry about not giving one back because you don't give a gift to get a gift, etc etc etc

Laquitar · 16/12/2011 17:22

I thought in most shops you can return them with no receipt but they will give you vouchers instead of money back. Confused

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 17:22

It is late - something must have happened though. Maybe they thought they could afford it but now realize they can't?

FWIW, we are in a bit of a pickle because money we thought we could count on hasn't arrived, and we have been trying like mad to rearrange everything - I expect your BIL has been doing the same, hoping he could manage presents then realizing he can't.

Can you not just say you've already bought them but not to worry about giving you anything, or would they be offended?

Pixel · 16/12/2011 17:23

I'd be annoyed at being told so late as well. It's all very well saying use the presents for something else but if you've put thought into finding what a specific person might like it's not always possible.

Ds has come home today - last day of term - with Christmas cards from other children in his school taxi. I know they are only cards but probably important to the children and now ds won't get to send any back. The thing is, Ds is picked up first and dropped off last so I don't get to know who the other children are, whereas the other parents do (Ds non-verbal, can't ask him!). I know they haven't done it on purpose, it won't have crossed their minds with everything else going on (truth be told I probably wouldn't have thought of it either if things were the other way round), but arrgh cos I thought I'd been super-organised for once!

I suspect the OP is feeling miffed because she thought she was organised too having bought these presents, and now other less-organised people have made her efforts go to waste, not to mention wasted money for no reason. YANBU to think they could have mentioned it sooner and saved you a lot of hassle.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 17:23

Oops, cross posted with you Hecate and now see you've said it all already! Grin

usualsuspect · 16/12/2011 17:24

I give presents because I want to ,not to receive anything back

I would still give the presents and say don't worry about not getting us anything

Pixel · 16/12/2011 17:25

Of course, having just read the posts that have appeared since my slow typing, I agree that if recent events have dictated their belated decision then it puts a slightly different spin on things...

Cankulzof · 16/12/2011 17:26

if money is tight for them (and you are close) could you give them the kid's presents to the parents to give as part of their overall gifts? So it appeared that they came from their mum & dad. Or would that embarrass them? :(

whostolemyname · 16/12/2011 17:27

What usual suspect said. You don't give to receive.