Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit pissed off with people who announce they are not doing Xmas pressies today!!

59 replies

RachelHRD · 16/12/2011 16:57

Just found out re DH that his DB left him a message today to say that they aren't doing Xmas presents this year as money is a bit tight. Fair enough money is tight for us too but I have already bought their presents!! The 16th Dec is a bit late to tell us.....

They will be embarrassed if we give them so I either have to take them back (not sure I still have the receipts) or keep them for another time.

Hmmmmppphhhh.....Xmas Hmm

OP posts:
phyllisdiller · 16/12/2011 17:29

We had to tell people we were not doing presents the other year Sad. It was pretty crap tbh, not sure if we got the timing right or not as I'm sure some of my friends start shopping very early.

The nicest response we got was from my friend, she said she didn't give gifts to get one back and to enjoy our present.

I think we kept on trying to be able to afford it and eventually had to admit defeat!

thepeoplesprincess · 16/12/2011 17:29

I also would imagine they'd been hoping some money would magic itself up in time for Xmas.

Just give the presents anyway. Leave them on the doorstep in a carrier bag if you're really genuinely planning not to hand them over to save them embarrassment.

Original poster
RachelHRD · 16/12/2011 17:30

I don't think it's an unforseen issue and I totally don't mind about the whole give but don't receive thing but TBH money is tight for us and I'm having to cut back on the DC's this year so it would have been handy to know sooner. Another friend asked in early Nov if we could do a no pressies thing which was fine and again I was rather relieved due to finances.

I think if we see them over Xmas I'll take the pressies for the kids - if not I'll leave it as they'll need to be posted.

OP posts:
tiredfeet · 16/12/2011 17:31

YABU they are meant to be gifts, not a trade of objects of equal value.

tiredfeet · 16/12/2011 17:31

YABU they are meant to be gifts, not a trade of objects of equal value.

mrsjay · 16/12/2011 17:33

week before christmas and they announce they arnt doing present which TBH is fair enough if money is tight they couldve said sooner , Id see if you have receipts or regift them another time ,

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 16/12/2011 17:33

They have maybe done exactly what I have done this year and got all their own dc things first and if there is anything left over they start buying for other people. They probably do realise they have left it late but have been desperately trying to sort out finances. They also probably thought that as such close family you would understand.
Give them the presents you have for them explain you already had them and give them with good grace because they are family and you do understand.

lisad123 · 16/12/2011 17:37

So you are mad because you couldn't really afford to buy pressies but instead of saying something, you struggled on. Then they have found themselves in same position and have decided they can't buy, and have said something you are mad they didnt plan properly and are now with holding presents you brought!!
You don't appear to have got the point of buying presents is to find joy in giving rather than receiving!

slavetofilofax · 16/12/2011 17:37

I think they are out of order to leave it so late, even though it's fine for them to not want to do presents. And I don't know why posters seem so shocked that their dc might not get presents from you. Presumably your dc won't get presents for them either!

I would save the presents, use them yourselves if they are things you might like, or give the childrens presents to a hospice or childrens hospital instead if your own dc won't be interested in them.

mrsjay · 16/12/2011 17:41

think the OP needs a bit of a break , of course christmas is supposed to be about giving and not getting but she is a bit miffed and also doesnt want to make her inlaws feel awkward , , I was thinking could you give the presents to the grandparents to give, and next year tell them you are going to do the same about giving,

Original poster
RachelHRD · 16/12/2011 17:42

lisad123 you don't appear to be reading my posts correctly - I'm not mad. I'm not withholding and I do get the whole give rather than receive thing - they will be EMBARRASSED if we give when they aren't - that is why I don't think it's a good idea to still send them...

I just wish it had been mentioned sooner..

OP posts:
lisad123 · 16/12/2011 17:43

Yes they may be embarrassed but I'm sure they would still like them, especially the children.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 17:44

Bit harsh, lisa.

With the best will in the world, the 'joy' of giving a present to someone who's said they don't want one is a bit reduced!

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 16/12/2011 17:45

well, if you're certain that they would be embarrassed and not touched that you wanted to get them something anyway, then what about selling them on ebay if you can't get a refund for them?

DeWe · 16/12/2011 17:51

At least they told you before. Bil waited until dh was giving him a present for the third year before he let him know he'd decided (and it wasn't finances) that he wasn't giving presents any more. And he took the present too. Shock

lisad123 · 16/12/2011 17:52

well they are hardly likely to say, "we cant buy you all gifts this year, but will want the ones you brought us"!

MeltedAdventCalendarChocolates · 16/12/2011 17:57

Give the kids the presents, they will be delighted and it will cross out their parents' embarrassment. If you don't do that YABVVVVU

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 16/12/2011 17:58

If you have already bought for their kids, they should get the gifts. If BIL cant do gifts this year, your gifts to his kids may be much appreciated by the littler ones. Adults, well, once you have kids, you could stop buying for the parents each year, bit of a financial ease on both families.

Eggrules · 16/12/2011 18:03

If you give your DN & N's presents in front of your DC, will they understand 'gifts, not a trade of objects of equal value'. I'm not sure my 5 YO would.

I would ask your DH to call his DB to let him know that this information would have been appreciated much sooner and that it should just be all DC this year.

mockingjay · 16/12/2011 18:06

Wow, there are some sanctimonious people about tonight, with the "you don't give to receive" stance.

No, you don't give to receive. You give because it is someone you care about, and you presumably chose something that you wanted them to enjoy. If they are going to be embarrassed and therefore not enjoy it, then your moral high ground is sinking fast Xmas Wink

LoveInAColdClimate · 16/12/2011 18:11

YANBU - it's a bit late to announce that 9 days before Christmas! Totally fair enough to do it (and wish we were TBH!) but frustrating to only share that once most people have finished their shopping!

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 16/12/2011 21:23

Maybe you could drop neice/nephews gifts off a few days before christmas, especially if you wont be seeing them on the day anyways. Then your DCs dn't have to not be on the receiving end of gifts that may not appear?

Eggrules · 17/12/2011 08:36

(how's it hanging LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite) - good idea about pressie drop off for DC btw.

exoticfruits · 17/12/2011 08:45

It was a bit late to mention it but very sensible-we dropped them years ago.

tigerlillyd02 · 17/12/2011 08:50

Because you've already bought their presents I would definitely still give presents to the children and tell them you've already bought them. I can understand the parents being embarrassed by receiving a gift themselves - but how can anyone be embarrassed by a gift for their child? You can't deny any child that.

If I was extremely skint this yr and decided I couldn't buy presents for others, I wouldn't expect them to then say "oh well I'm not getting your DS anything then" just for that very reason. How very sad if they did - and I'd certainly look at them in a different light. If someone else told me they weren't giving presents, I'd take pity more than anything and certainly would never leave their children out. Surely they need the extra help if they're struggling.

Swipe left for the next trending thread