Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To donate to a womens' refuge??

84 replies

catherinea1971 · 16/12/2011 10:24

Inspired by a very brave mumsnetter who has had to flee an extremely abusive relationship this past week I would just like to ask the kind people on this board to consider sending any of their unwanted/no longer needed belongings such as kids/womens clothes, toys and any unwanted toiletry gifts you may have.
These refuges run on very little and everything donated can be of use to women and their children hoping to take back their lives following abuse.

OP posts:
Original poster
catherinea1971 · 16/12/2011 14:08

It is probably always a good idea to phone ahead and see if they would like what you have to offer.
Majorquimby, you have not hijacked the thread at all, on the contrary it is lovely to hear from a man already doing what they can to help these women and looking to see if there is more they can do:)
I started this thread in the hope that it would give people the idea that they can help these women.....I really think it is working, thank you everyone. :)

OP posts:
InfiniteFairylights · 16/12/2011 14:11

Yes, friend said tins of food are really useful too...

InfiniteFairylights · 16/12/2011 14:29

Sorry massive x-post Blush

PeneloPeePitstop · 16/12/2011 14:33

Oh I always call, with ours you can't take it to them they collect so they ask what you've got anyway - the location is secret.

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 16/12/2011 14:39

When the women move on to their own accommodation, do they (presumably) also need donations then?

I'm wondering about storage problems at the refuge.

For instance, I have bunk beds going spare but where on earth would anyone store them?

Anyway, great thread and thank you. Smile

Original poster
catherinea1971 · 16/12/2011 15:03

I am sure things like bunk beds would be really appreciated for a woman getting her own place, call and ask, they may have storage for that type of donation, from what I hear they are all very different. :)

OP posts:
Crawling · 16/12/2011 15:14

I have to say that donations are very appreciated. When I was a teenager we left everything friends, family clothes photos and it was just before christmas and a kind woman donated some toiletries wrapped up for christmas and I was so grateful I was crying it made things seem better to open the present and have some make up and the knowledge that people cared.

wifey6 · 16/12/2011 15:58

How would I find a local refuge to me please? I would like to donate/help out if it's needed.

Original poster
catherinea1971 · 16/12/2011 16:49

I believe you can just google womens refuge and the area you are in, or else look at the womens aid website :)

Crawling, I have to admit I didn't think of older children/teenagers.
I hope yours and you mums lives have benefited from her making the decision to get out. :)

OP posts:
thejoanwilder · 16/12/2011 16:58

I agree- great cause. I donated loads of stuff to our local one before DH and I moved overseas. Stuff that was in good nick, but we didn't want to ship or store for one reason or another. They gratefully took clothes, kitchen utensils/ sets and bedding. I like to think that it made a difference to someone- I hope so. Makes you think about how incredibly priveledged you are.

soandsosmummy · 16/12/2011 18:22

I visited a refuge as part of my work a few years ago. The facilities were very good and the staff extremely dedicated.

They tried to provide all those who arrived with basic toiletries. Basic food -eg pasta, sauces, tea, coffee, milk, eggs, bread, cheese. Nappies were provided if required (I took a bag that DD no longer needed and they were very gratefully received). Also they like to take clothes, coats and toys

DrCoconut · 16/12/2011 19:31

I luckily still had my family and didn't end up in a refuge when I left my abusive ex. But I have huge respect for the work they do and support them in any way I can. Our local one directs you to an office where you can leave donated items so the location remains secret. I donated loads of DS1's outgrown clothes and toys. I remember standing in the street with nothing but my baby and a few bits hastily chucked into a carrier bag and thinking what now? So I really appreciate how much basic things that people take for granted mean.

Rudolfsgottarednose · 16/12/2011 19:50

Linerunner- if you donate to your local furniture recyling agency, they have a waiting list for all needy families, including women wjho have left refuges.

Family Support, based in Childrens Centres will sometimes take donations via MW and HV's and hold the items for the most needy. These are shared with DV charities, who clients are signposted to/from.

WinterWonderlandIsComing · 16/12/2011 19:53

Great idea about toiletries. DD's school had a, "donate something you would be pleased to receive" collection for Women's Aid this year and all I had to hand in that respect (apart from toys and clothes) were some lavender-scented handkerchiefs from my mother Blush

I am boycotting Boots due to workfare but should get a few nice bits this Christmas which I can pass on.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 16/12/2011 19:54

you need to check with them first, last year my local one wasn't taking anything they had too much. And they don't take any donations from men so make sure you're in for collections and don't send your DH to them with donations, mine was sent away and I had to go back with the stuff I brought the year before. (We didn't go to the refuge obviously, we went to the office)

Bathsheba · 16/12/2011 20:06

Just to reiterate please contact them first. I run our local NCT sales and we get a large amount of really good quality things donated. Women's Aid was our first thought and we invited them to come and take anything they need. However they told us they could only take things they had a need for at that exact moment in time as they couldn't/weren't allowed to store anything for the future, even if it was something that it was obvious they would be able to use at some point (cots, prams, baby vests).

NeedlesCuties · 16/12/2011 21:53

I volunteer for Women's Aid and am :) to see so many people wanting to help out.

Yes, you can donate to the refuges directly, and I agree that it is sensible to ring them first to ask do they need/want X Y or Z.

But another thing is that you can ring the local Women's Aid office and leave the things to them. Then they redistribute the items eg toiletries to the refuges or community resettlement team if needed. Sometimes refuges can be awkward to get to due to distance or secret location, but most towns have Women's Aid offices that can be called into or rung directly.

HTH

theoldtrout01876 · 17/12/2011 00:35

The company I work for has "adopted" a womans shelter. We collected money and toys for Christmas. Each department took on at least 1 family and we had a huge box in the break room for toy donations. We had a raffle and silent auction also. We ordered extra food for our company Christmas luncheon and brought it over to the shelter. we collected all kinds of household stuff also, not just toys. The shelter we adopted is actually a place that sets these women and children up in apartments,helps then find jobs or get training etc. Its a great organization.

Throughout the year we have a box for gently used clothing,bedding,dishes appliances etc. Our Lab week activities all benefit this shelter. Its not just a Christmas thing, though obviously there is more done at this time of year.

We got a list of 26 families in the shelter, who had been there for a while and 18 "rooms" which are short term stays as there is no "space" for them.This is 1 small shelter in a very minor city out side boston

I actually had to pull up a young (26) colleague who was bitching about the nerve of these "deadbeats" asking for gifts for themselves and " all those kids they couldnt afford to have". She had never actually heard of a womans shelter,didnt know what domestic violence was and assumed these people were "welfare bums" HOW SAD IS THAT. By the time I was finished with her she was actually in tears about these women and made a huge cash donation then went home and cleared out her designer wardrobe and donated to the shelter.

Donate,donate, donate is all I can say

xyfactor · 17/12/2011 00:48

Refuge is a great cause and it should get a lot more govt funding and social backing.
But does anyone else feel that seeing homeless people in doorways freezing at wintertime the real crime of our society?
I know some are alcoholics and some unbelievably choose to live on the street but I for one can't walk past without a kind word and the change in my pocket.
I don't have much but if everyone that's able did the same thing we could make life so much easier for them.
The advert for a large hotel chain made me think when they quoted they have 500,000 rooms to let.....surely an arrangement with local councils could help in the wintertime?

RealLifeIsForWimps · 17/12/2011 01:07

XY You might not help them though. You might just fund a bigger drug habit. I think even Shelter say don't give money direct to homeless people.

xyfactor · 17/12/2011 01:11

I'm hearing you RealLifeIsForWimps and understand completely what you are saying.
But watching a figure in a doorway compassion takes over and I know everyone else thinks the same. Somebody should do more and I just know it's the government/councils that should weigh in.
Until they do I just can't walk past.
This stems from a period of homelessness I suffered albeit for a very short period in my life.

WilsonFrickett · 17/12/2011 01:20

Just to say the original thread ended up in Feminism because of lots of negative comments re John Lewis support and also some quite nasty comments about refuges and domestic violence IIRC. Very Smile to see such a positive thread tonight.

iscream · 17/12/2011 04:06

I donate to a church, who is the "middle man" for a woman's shelter, every year. You have to call first, and they will say if they do not need any more of... say, hats and mittens. A few years ago they had so many they were directing people to a local youth shelter for warm outwear drop offs, also the local police will accept them. They keep hats and gloves in their cars to give out when they see people on the street with in adequate clothing.

Original poster
catherinea1971 · 17/12/2011 06:33

Wow, I am so pleased how many people have responded to this thread, it is lovely to hear from people who have had to use a refuge and how they appreciated the help the received.
It is also so lovely to hear so many posters who are already donating or giving their time.

It was a bit of a risk posting in aibu as there is always the risk of things turning but I posted here as I felt that it would reach more people, which it has. I posted the same in relationships with a lot less response.
Thank you so much, I hope the lady who inspired me to post will be able to read this thread soon and will take heart from the many lovely/positive responses. :)

OP posts:
sashh · 18/12/2011 11:14

I gave my wii to the local shelter (housemate has one - silly to have 2) along witha few games, but I didn't think of toiletries or hampers - I love making pickles and chutneys but don't actually eat them - I'll get in touch with them in the new year - I know there might be food hygeine issues with homemade food.

AlpinePony - glad things are back on track

Swipe left for the next trending thread