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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go out from 8am till 4pm for the next week??

35 replies

MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 08:56

we do not speak to my MIL (dp's mum) it was his choice to cease all contact a few months ago, she is toxic and very very nasty oh and I forgot sneaky!

She has a habit of turned up at our door when its just me home to give presents / cards / ambush me to see dd, I think she does this as dp will tell her where to go and freeze then panic when she shows up.

It is inevitable that in the week before christmas she will show up with some kind of tat present for dd, she did it last year when things were very strained between us all and literally launched the thing at me.
This year I intend on being prepared, I have a few ideas so I:

A) go out between 8am + 4pm so I won't be in and if she comes after 4 dp will be here to confront refuse the gift

B) chance that she will turn up and be ready with a speech prepared - along the lines of 'oh you know dp doesn't want you being here so please do fuck off leave?

C) never answer the door just incase? This could prove awkward due to mindees being dropped off!

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Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 08:58

Turning* not turned sorry!

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Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 08:58

Turning* not turned sorry!

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BarkisIsWillin · 16/12/2011 08:58

Why should you forego the comfort of your own home? Answer door with chain on.

Flisspaps · 16/12/2011 08:58

D) Answer the door, if it's her, close it again without speaking, turn the TV up so you can't hear her knocking again and leave her outside in the cold?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 09:02

I think she does this as dp will tell her where to go and freeze then panic when she shows up

This should read I think she does this as dp will tell her where to go and I just freeze then panic when she shows up.

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Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 09:02

I think she does this as dp will tell her where to go and freeze then panic when she shows up

This should read I think she does this as dp will tell her where to go and I just freeze then panic when she shows up.

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KittyFane · 16/12/2011 09:04

Answer to door, say hello but make your excuses straight away
e.g. "hi Mil (who we don't see because of xyz), I'm sorry I can't invite you in, I've got plans today/ am going out. DH will let you know if it's convenient another time, I'm really sorry. Bye"
It's better to let DH handle it.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 09:15

fliss I like that idea..pulling faces from the side window would be immature wouldn't it?

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Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 09:15

fliss I like that idea..pulling faces from the side window would be immature wouldn't it?

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mrsjay · 16/12/2011 09:16

I would answer the door to her then stand outside saying im really busy etc dont let her in if its going to be uncomfy , are you a childminder just when you said mindees , ? just say im working let her launch the present and then go in , Dont go out all week thats just daft and its bloody cold outside Grin

Flisspaps · 16/12/2011 09:17

Absolutely not MaryPoppinsMagic, in fact, I'd heartily recommend it!

Tattymum · 16/12/2011 09:29

I would just open door with chain on and say "DP has asked me not to let you in or accept anything from you and I must respect his wishes"

squeakytoy · 16/12/2011 09:30

Without knowing the back story, its hard to say really.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 09:31

mrsjay yep I'm a childminder, I'm wondering whether the children would like an adventure of avoid the evil christmas witch

fliss your a bad influence putting ideas in my head Grin

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Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 09:31

mrsjay yep I'm a childminder, I'm wondering whether the children would like an adventure of avoid the evil christmas witch

fliss your a bad influence putting ideas in my head Grin

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HandMini · 16/12/2011 09:35

YABU to suggest leaving your own home for 8 hours a day, and presumably dragging your mindees along with you.

You need to do what others have suggested: answer door, but DO NOT let her in, accept tat present graciously, and very firmly say "I am working, you can't come in". Perhaps even make up a spiel about one of the mindees being a bit off colour and so important that they're kept quiet and cosy.

Practice your spiel about 20 times so when she shows up you just say it. And just keep in mind at all times DO NOT LET HER IN.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 09:38

Its all a very long story and I would here all day typing about it all just to give a brief outline of what happened.
The main points being - putting dd in danger, guilt tripping, ignoring me and dp when it suited, shit stirring with anyone who would listen, putting dp down saying he ruined her life (he's eldest of 4).

That's a tiny part and if I put everything you wouldn't believe me!

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Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 09:38

Its all a very long story and I would here all day typing about it all just to give a brief outline of what happened.
The main points being - putting dd in danger, guilt tripping, ignoring me and dp when it suited, shit stirring with anyone who would listen, putting dp down saying he ruined her life (he's eldest of 4).

That's a tiny part and if I put everything you wouldn't believe me!

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anneatkins · 16/12/2011 09:41

I'm sorry, I have children here and regulation are that those in the home must be CRB checked, so unless you have your papers with you, I am afraid I am not allowed to let you in.

Done. ;)

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 16/12/2011 09:42

I like the idea of getting a chain then just shutting the door if she turns up.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 16/12/2011 09:47

To be honest on the face of it a grandma wanting to drop off a present for her dgc at Christmas is actually a lovely and normal thing to do. Can't you arrange a short visit with her to drop off any gift and wish your dc merry Christmas? That way you're not worrying about her just turning up and DP can be out if he wants to but child and grandmother get to retain some sort of relationship which they might actually really value in future even if you don't now.

RainboweBrite · 16/12/2011 10:08

Sorry, I think your DD doesn't need a GP like this in her life. It's up to you if you answer the sooe, but don't let her in, for goodness sake!

namechangerbat · 16/12/2011 10:12

Is it only me That thinks its incredible sad that your MIL cannot give a gift to her GC at Christmas time with out being "left out in the cold"

Blimey.... I hope she turns up when your mindee parents come to collect their kids in the hope you could at least be polite to her.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 10:40

I think I need to go into it a bit more;

Things were all very petty for a while then things turned very nasty, when I had dd I suffered quite badly with post natal depression MIL wasn't there for us at all instead she went saying to people only bad mothers get depression she shouted at me telling me I should pull myself together and cook her sons dinners and get the washing done because that's what proper 'wives' do (were not married, or even engaged for that matter) DP distanced himself from her and she would send nasty texts to him telling him he ruined her life, that she doesn't care about him.

Then in august dp told me he didn't love me anymore, things had been awful for a while and subsequently we split up, he moved in with his aunt and we agreed to go to relate, prior to the break up we were building bridges with MIL, she was coming over once a week to see dd and slowly things were getting better, even though she would barely speak 2 words to me or dp we let it go for the sake of dd having a grandparent in her life.

DP told MIL that we had split up, and asked her not to come round unless arranged with him and asked her for some space, she was a huge part of us always falling out so we agreed we needed to sort ourselves out before her, then

A few days after dp had moved out she showed up at the door and barged past me into my home, she stood there telling me she was glad dp had finally seen sense and then proceeded to tell me she was getting a solicitor for dp to take dd away from me and make sure I never see her (dd) again.

Dp had no idea she was coming round, neither did he have a clue about this solicitor. He sent her a text asking why she had ambushed me like that and she replied telling him to get stuffed and that if he doesn't do as she says he is out of her life for good.

He decided to cut her off completely, we then went to relate and things are now better than they have ever been before between. His mum is just a dark cloud that hangs over us sometimes and as much as I joke about it the whole situation is pretty nasty and raw.

I will never forgive her for the things she said and did to us and quite frankly I am protecting my dd from what could happen to her in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 16/12/2011 10:40

I think I need to go into it a bit more;

Things were all very petty for a while then things turned very nasty, when I had dd I suffered quite badly with post natal depression MIL wasn't there for us at all instead she went saying to people only bad mothers get depression she shouted at me telling me I should pull myself together and cook her sons dinners and get the washing done because that's what proper 'wives' do (were not married, or even engaged for that matter) DP distanced himself from her and she would send nasty texts to him telling him he ruined her life, that she doesn't care about him.

Then in august dp told me he didn't love me anymore, things had been awful for a while and subsequently we split up, he moved in with his aunt and we agreed to go to relate, prior to the break up we were building bridges with MIL, she was coming over once a week to see dd and slowly things were getting better, even though she would barely speak 2 words to me or dp we let it go for the sake of dd having a grandparent in her life.

DP told MIL that we had split up, and asked her not to come round unless arranged with him and asked her for some space, she was a huge part of us always falling out so we agreed we needed to sort ourselves out before her, then

A few days after dp had moved out she showed up at the door and barged past me into my home, she stood there telling me she was glad dp had finally seen sense and then proceeded to tell me she was getting a solicitor for dp to take dd away from me and make sure I never see her (dd) again.

Dp had no idea she was coming round, neither did he have a clue about this solicitor. He sent her a text asking why she had ambushed me like that and she replied telling him to get stuffed and that if he doesn't do as she says he is out of her life for good.

He decided to cut her off completely, we then went to relate and things are now better than they have ever been before between. His mum is just a dark cloud that hangs over us sometimes and as much as I joke about it the whole situation is pretty nasty and raw.

I will never forgive her for the things she said and did to us and quite frankly I am protecting my dd from what could happen to her in the future.

OP posts: