My parents book a panto every year and take me, dh and 4 dc out for a meal afterwards. they pay for everything and it is lovely. we are very grateful as we couldn't afford to do it. usually they come back to our house and socialise for a bit. This year they asked when to book it and we chose a date which we thought would be fine. They said money's a bit tight this year so could we get a take away instead after the panto and of course i said we didn't EXPECT a meal and we would pay for a take away instead (feeling terrible inside and wishing we could afford to take us all out). Now dh's parents have booked a meal for us all on the same date for his brothers birthday. Brother is usually away but has decided to come home this year. Dh wants me to tell my parents that we are going out with his parents that night and to forget the take away and ask them to babysit as well! I feel like this would be using them, to go to panto which they have paid for then disappear, leaving them with the kids! Dh says, as his parents never ask us and my parents always do (they are often here helping out with kids etc) it is unfair on his parents. Aibu? I feel that the reason we see more of my parents is because they are here all the time helping out. His parents do help us too (we are lucky, i know) and we go to theirs either once or twice a week. We hardly ever go to my parents but they come here three times a week (once for a visit and twice because they have come to look after the kids). I am trying to be fair but.... well what do you think? Don't want to snub anyone but in my book, if something's arranged already you can't just unarrange it!