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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DD to have larger room than au pair?

39 replies

FreckledLeopard · 15/12/2011 12:21

Need opinions on this please. New au pair (not yet found - currently looking for one) due to start with us, live-in, in January. In theory, he/she will be with us at least 7 months.

We have four bedrooms. Two single, two doubles. One double used by me, other is where last au pair was. DD has single room with cabin bed, DSS has other single.

Now that original au pair is leaving, I'd like DD to have her room. She has so much stuff that doesn't fit in her room, she doesn't have a proper wardrobe and she is forever having friends for sleepovers, playdates etc. Plus I think a bigger room with a proper desk etc would be good for her now that she's approaching secondary school.

DH on the other hand is adamant that children must have smaller rooms and that 'no self-respecting au pair would willingly stay in a single room'.

I feel that since DD lives in the house, whereas au pairs come and go, then DD should have the nicer room. DH thinks that kids should be lower down the pecking order than the au pair.

So, AIBU or is he?

OP posts:

CoffeeMum · 15/12/2011 12:23

How old is your DD, and how much longer do you anticipate having a live in au pair for?

HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 15/12/2011 12:23

I think your DD should get the larger room, I should imagine she will have more stuff han the au-pair, plus will do more socialising in it.

canyou · 15/12/2011 12:24

Does your DD have a play room? Will your AuPair be sitting with you in the family room watching tv?
TBH I would give the AU Pair the larger room,

squeakytoy · 15/12/2011 12:24

YABU.

A child doesnt need a huge room, as it should really be used mainly for sleeping.

The aupair should be given a room that is comfortable for her to spend time in.

It isnt about "pecking order", it is about treating your employee decently, and in return they are more likely to do a better job.

Get DD bunk beds so she can still have sleepovers.

cantspel · 15/12/2011 12:25

depends if you expect your au pair to join you each evening in the lounge or you expect her to be in her room.

AgentProvocateur · 15/12/2011 12:25

I've never had an au-pair, so feel free to ignore my opinion, but I do think your DH is right. Your AP is an adult, and she needs space to be "hers". Your DD can presumably spread her stuff throughout the house if she wants. If I was an AP (or the parent of an AP) I wouldn't be happy with a single room for accommodation. Sorry.

SarahBumBarer · 15/12/2011 12:25

How much time are you going to expect au pair to spend in their own room? Will they be welcome to spend the evenings/weekends with you in the living room etc or will you expect them to spend some/most evenings in their own rooms. How big is the single room - will au pair have room for a desk, a tv etc? I tend to veer towards agreeing with your DH on this one since the au pair is living out if their family environment I think they have more need of an appropriate bolt hole.

funnypeculiar · 15/12/2011 12:26

Hummm.... where do you want the aupair to be when not in duty - in her large room with her own TV, or in the family space...?

Kladdkaka · 15/12/2011 12:26

I think the au pair should have the bigger room, it's more important for her to have enough space away from the family than your daughter.

porcamiseria · 15/12/2011 12:26

I wou;d give au pair larger room, so she has her own personal space and can leave you in evening in peave, get her a TV/internet line too

sue52 · 15/12/2011 12:26

The Au Pair needs her own space and to feel she has a (temporary) home. I'd give her the larger room.

slavetofilofax · 15/12/2011 12:26

I think it depends how big the rooms actually are, but I would probably want to lean towards givving dd the bigger room.

Are you sure your dh is worried about the au pair having a bigger room, or could it be that he is using that as an excuse because he doesn't want one of his children to have a bigger room than the other in his home?

Original poster

FreckledLeopard · 15/12/2011 12:27

Well, I guess as I work late and DH rarely uses living room (he prefers to read in our room), then I'd be happy if they would hang out downstairs and watch TV. Having said that, I think DH would prefer them to stay in their room.

DD is almost 11.

Keep the opinions coming!

OP posts:

Oggy · 15/12/2011 12:28

In all honesty, I would be giving the au pair the larger room, as others have said, it's not about pecking order but I just think if you're having a grown adult living in your house as part of the family (as an au pair is intended to be) then they should be given an appropriate room, which for an adult would be the double. I wouldn't hand on heart be able to welcome an au pair into the house and stick them in a box room.

That said, I would imagine responses would be about 50/50 on this.

cat64 · 15/12/2011 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Esta3GG · 15/12/2011 12:30

I au paired very briefly in my youth.
I would not have accepted a position which housed me in a cramped single room.
If you want a decent au pair you need to provide the best working/living environment possible.
Your husband is right.

pooka · 15/12/2011 12:30

I also agree with your husband. The au pair is an adult 'guest' in your house - less able to spread around and leave stuff in other rooms than your dd. also more likely to spend longer chunks of time in her room.

Oggy · 15/12/2011 12:30

Just to add, your DD is able to make the room a bit more spacious with use of the cabin bed, but presuming you are not expecting the Au Pair to sleep in a cabin bed and that will make the room even smaller for her.

Eglu · 15/12/2011 12:33

I think the au pair needs the bigger room as it is the only space that is hers in your house.

StopRainingPlease · 15/12/2011 12:36

Agree about chair and maybe table for au pair - if she wants to read on her own, she shouldn't have to sit on her bed.

seeker · 15/12/2011 12:36

Au pair should have the bigger room. And your dd should not have a bigger room than your dss.

samandi · 15/12/2011 12:37

I would have the au pair in the double room, and get a proper wardrobe/storage space/desk for your DD.

DoMeDon · 15/12/2011 12:37

Au pair should have bigger room - for all the reasons above.

nativitywreck · 15/12/2011 12:37

YABU! The Au Pair is an adult and will need their own space. Children are fine in small rooms. Get rid of some of DD's stuff-she obviously has more than she needs.
Charity shops will happily take toys and games that they can sell to families who would be glad of them.

CoffeeMum · 15/12/2011 12:38

I tend to think that DD should have the smaller room - as others have said, she can have a cabin bed or bunk beds for sleepovers, and plenty of shelves for storage, and hooks for hanging things. Could she hang special clothess/school uniform in your wardrobe? Small rooms can be lovely! I had a small room til i was 14 and actually preferred it to the larger room i got after that. Also think it's good for both of your DC to have the same size room if possible, and bear in mind she'll still have a room of her own - plenty of children share rooms, and there's no problem with that either!

I think the au pair should have the bigger room. Childcare is hard work, and if you're living in the house of strangers [at the start, anyway] you just need your own space. I would imagine you'll limit the number of potential au pairs anyway, if you offer a small bedroom, might be worth thinking about. And do you really want an au pair in the lounge with you and DH on a Saturday night when you've having a cosy night/when you have a stinking cold/when you've having a row?

I think a good general rule of thumb is: Keep the people who are looking after your children VERY HAPPY! They are taking care of your most precious things!

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