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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DD to have larger room than au pair?

39 replies

FreckledLeopard · 15/12/2011 12:21

Need opinions on this please. New au pair (not yet found - currently looking for one) due to start with us, live-in, in January. In theory, he/she will be with us at least 7 months.

We have four bedrooms. Two single, two doubles. One double used by me, other is where last au pair was. DD has single room with cabin bed, DSS has other single.

Now that original au pair is leaving, I'd like DD to have her room. She has so much stuff that doesn't fit in her room, she doesn't have a proper wardrobe and she is forever having friends for sleepovers, playdates etc. Plus I think a bigger room with a proper desk etc would be good for her now that she's approaching secondary school.

DH on the other hand is adamant that children must have smaller rooms and that 'no self-respecting au pair would willingly stay in a single room'.

I feel that since DD lives in the house, whereas au pairs come and go, then DD should have the nicer room. DH thinks that kids should be lower down the pecking order than the au pair.

So, AIBU or is he?

OP posts:

firsttimemama · 15/12/2011 12:39

I think your dd would cope in the smaller room for another 6/7 months. Also what message would it send to your daughter about the Au pair's importance.

Rhubarbgarden · 15/12/2011 12:43

Adults need more space than children. Plus I think you will struggle to find a decent au pair willing to be accommodated in a single room.

MollyTheMole · 15/12/2011 12:48

yabu your dd can have the double room when the au pair goes

squeakytoy · 15/12/2011 12:49

Well, I guess as I work late and DH rarely uses living room (he prefers to read in our room), then I'd be happy if they would hang out downstairs and watch TV

I think that would be unfair on the AP too. She may feel as if she is forcing your husband out of his own living space.

Original poster

FreckledLeopard · 15/12/2011 12:49

Ok . I am duly told.

DD's cabin bed does have a built-in wardrobe thing but it's tiny and useless. And she does have far too much stuff everywhere (toys, games), so guess could do a big clear out.....

OP posts:

Oggy · 15/12/2011 12:54

YANBU to want to avoid the big clear-out, that's been on my "to do list" for about a year

reallytired · 15/12/2011 12:55

Just curious what is your logic for not consider your step son for the bigger room. Does your DSS live with you full time?

I think you should allow the AP to have the bigger room. She needs personal space away from the familiy.

Original poster

FreckledLeopard · 15/12/2011 13:07

DSS is with us only 50% of the time, doesn't have much stuff, doesn't have friends (is autistic) and his room layout is better than DD's. Hence not considering him for it. Plus DD has been on at me for a bigger room, double bed (like all her friends have )

OP posts:

OldGreyWassailTest · 15/12/2011 13:08

Maybe the Au Pair won't WANT to spend all their spare time 'hanging around' in your communal space? I wouldn't as it's too easy for her to be on duty ALL the time. Give her the larger room.

samandi · 15/12/2011 13:17

Plus DD has been on at me for a bigger room, double bed

Kids don't need a double bed!

Can't DD have DSS's room if it's a better layout and he's there less time?

brandysoakedbitch · 15/12/2011 13:25

I have 4 kids and we are moving in the New Year to a 5 bed house. My kids (2 boys and 2 girls) share a room together - we will have a double on the same floor as them and the small single is an office. Our Au Pair is having the Master room with her own bathroom at the top of the house. Partially because I want to be one the same floor as the children but mostly because I do think to have a chance of retaining anyone half decent I need to treat them as well as I can. Having the nicest room I can give her and privacy far outstrips giving my daughter her own way (who wants her own room but I have said no)

SantasStrapon · 15/12/2011 13:27

Au pair should definitely have the bigger room. She will need her own personal space, away from the family. And your DD should be grateful she's not being kicked out of her room to make space for the au pair. I was regularly consigned to my Dad's study on a camp bed.

Scholes34 · 15/12/2011 13:29

Until we did a loft conversion recently, my DSs were sharing a room. If either has a sleepover, they take over the lounge, with two sofas to sleep on, and a floor for plenty of extra sleeping bags. They still do this, even though they have their own rooms (possibly because it has a large TV and Wii in there).

As said already, your DCs are your most precious things. Make sure you treat your au pair very well, and DD, by the sound of it, doesn't have to wait long before the double room is hers anyway.

valiumredhead · 15/12/2011 13:38

I would give the bigger room to the Au Pair and have a telly/kettle up there so she can have her own space. I'd put a small sofa or comfy chair in there too if there is room.

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