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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset by leaving a baby crying like this?

33 replies

tigerlillyd02 · 15/12/2011 02:15

I'm quite upset to have read by someone on facebook that she's left her baby crying for 50 minutes.

From reading previous posts of hers, it seems she has one of those that cries quite a lot.

I am not against controlled crying and did it with my DS at about 8 months.

However, this baby isn't yet 3 months old. Someone commented and said that the 50 mins was a long time and she said "Yes, it was hard to ignore him for that long but I have to be cruel to be kind".

So, leaving a 3 month old baby crying solidly for 50 minutes?

AIBU to be a bit upset at the thought of this? Would you say something or is it really none of my business? I hate judging and jumping in but I strongly feel this is extreme.

Maybe someone will tell me IABU!

OP posts:

BlissfulMistletoe · 15/12/2011 02:19

yanbu 50 minutes is along time for a baby

Arachnophobic · 15/12/2011 02:20

YABU

The baby won't suffer if fed etc.

Mind your own.

lisaro · 15/12/2011 02:32

YANBU. That's awful.

StickyGhostofXmasPast · 15/12/2011 03:00

I agree that 3 months is very young and 50 mins is a long time, but not knowing the whole scenario makes it hard to judge. e.g. Constant full-on crying vs grizzling off and on. Maybe this lady is at the end of her tether and this is the only way she can cope and things will now improve (silly her for posting this on Facebook though, just asking to be judged)

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 15/12/2011 04:05

If she's posted it on FB, then she's fair game. If she doesn't want to be judged, she shouldn't offer herself up on a platter.

Them's the rules.

idlevice · 15/12/2011 04:18

YANBU. Maybe she should spend less time on FB & more on trying to see if there are alternative approaches to settling the baby. Is it a colicky baby/have reflux/had a difficult birth etc? Are there really babies that are just ones that cry a lot without reason? OTOH I can understand it if she's genuinely having a hard time & it's better that than her losing her rag with the baby.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 15/12/2011 04:34

I can understand resorting to sleep training if you're having a hard time, but surely even that involves making sure the baby is OK?

I mean, he could have got an arm or leg stuck in the cot bars, or be freezing having come out of his blanket or sleeping bag. Or be in pain. In which case, if and when he does fall asleep it will be through pure exhaustion, not because he's been 'trained' to.

Plus, IME, the longer a baby takes to settle, the more fitfully it sleeps, and the earlier it wakes.

50 minutes of untelenting crying is a long, long, long, long time.

runningwilde · 15/12/2011 05:58

Yanbu, that is disgusting and she is an idiot. That poor baby, I'm pretty sure even Gina Ford doesn't advocate leaving a baby for so long. Some people are so obssessed with getting tiny babies to sleep they will do stupid things like that and it is all for THEM. I would tell her it is too long.

filipolarbear · 15/12/2011 05:59

I have a friend who posted the same thing on Facebook, even the you have to be cruel to be kind bit except she added "because x is gettin too clingy now" her baby was 8 weeks old. I found it very sad but its her baby, her choice.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/12/2011 07:35

Wouldn't judge too harshly - although FB entries about this kind of thing are bloody stupid. My friend's baby new literally never stopped making a really irritating, semi-crying noise all the time he was awake. Wasn't distressed, hungry, sick, didn't need a nappy changing. She often had to leave him to it or she'd never have been able to do anything else, including looking after her older child.

NinkyNonker · 15/12/2011 07:47

Yanbu. Totally not my thing and would be tempted to hide anything like that permanently.

onefatcat · 15/12/2011 07:47

50 Minutes is really far too long!!!

Some babies do cry more than others. My dd cried A LOT!!!, we never knew what was really wrong, but in hindsight, she was just sensitive I think, to very small things, because as a child she cries A LOT about things other children don't cry about. I never let her cry too long as she would be sick if left more than 5 minutes without attention.

FreudianSlipper · 15/12/2011 07:57

babies should not be left crying

but at times you struggle and you need to walk away maybe she is struggling and reaching out for support 50 min is far far too long

then again i think cc used for babies is cruel but it is given a name so that is ok

Mishy1234 · 15/12/2011 08:00

YANBU.

Babies cry for a reason and this poor soul must have been terrified. There's a reason why it's hard to leave them. It's nature's way of telling you it's wrong and your child needs you.

MorelliOrRanger · 15/12/2011 08:02

YANBU - I don't know how anyone can leave a tiny baby like that to cry for that long, jeez.

The mother with the clingy 8 week old needs a slap. Selfish mare.

I think some parents, just think a baby is going to arrive and their lives won't change at all.

Mind you I don't agree with CC as I think it's cruel.

NinkyNonker · 15/12/2011 08:02

I can understand more doing it kind of post 1yr, though I wouldn't do it myself...but this is too you imo. Babies are meant to need their parents.

startwig1982 · 15/12/2011 08:05

Poor little mite. I left DS at that age for 10 mins or so, just to make a cup of tea or go to the loo. 50 mins is too long though. However, judging her probably won't help. Maybe offer help/cup of tea if you live close enough? I remember it being tough being at home whole DH was out and DS was being a little pickle. It's still hard now, at 6 months and I can leave him for a bit longer now!

deliciousdevilwoman · 15/12/2011 08:09

To leave a baby crying it out for 50 mins is barbaric. Imagine the distress. I would have said something! Perhaps by PM though

mrsscoob · 15/12/2011 08:12

YANBU. Did you say anything?

storminabuttercup · 15/12/2011 08:13

Yanbu to be upset, I don't even leave ds who is 16 months for longer than ten mins! But you know you can't say anything judgey, you don't know what she's going through! Agree with others, offer a sympathetic ear and a Cuppa!

FreudianSlipper · 15/12/2011 08:16

i agree you should pm her

ask her if she wants some company rather than chat over fb

aldiwhore · 15/12/2011 08:16

I can't judge the situation really because well, I wasn't there, but I agree with slinking shout it to the world, expect the world to comment!

BillBrysonsRucksack · 15/12/2011 08:17

YABU. Mind your own business.

JoandMax · 15/12/2011 08:20

YANBU to be upset, I can't imagine leaving my 21 month old that long let alone a 3 month old! I still feel crying/waking for comfort is as justified as hunger or pain but I know a lot of people disagree with that.

However, don't judge too much - I have a very good friend who has used CC at 10 weeks for all her DC, she is a lovely and kind parent in every other way but cannot cope with broken nights. She feels it was that or she'd have ended up with PND..... All her DCs are very happy and secure so although the idea seems abhorrent to me I can't see any negative effects so far.

NinkyNonker · 15/12/2011 08:21

If people don't want their business minded by all and sundry...don't post it on FB for all and sundry to see!

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