To be upset by leaving a baby crying like this?

[tigerlillyd02]

I'm quite upset to have read by someone on facebook that she's left her baby crying for 50 minutes.

From reading previous posts of hers, it seems she has one of those that cries quite a lot.

I am not against controlled crying and did it with my DS at about 8 months.

However, this baby isn't yet 3 months old. Someone commented and said that the 50 mins was a long time and she said "Yes, it was hard to ignore him for that long but I have to be cruel to be kind".

So, leaving a 3 month old baby crying solidly for 50 minutes?

AIBU to be a bit upset at the thought of this? Would you say something or is it really none of my business? I hate judging and jumping in but I strongly feel this is extreme.

Maybe someone will tell me IABU!

Babies are meant to need their parents

I would feel the same.

I accept that many people feel that leaving a baby to cry is fine. I disagree but I understand that nobody is forced to share my view! imo, a baby cries because that it its only form of communication. It is saying that it needs something. That something may only be a cuddle, reassurance, doesn't have to be a physical need like nappy or food. By not responding, they learn that their needs will not be met and there's no point crying.

To me, that seems, well - cruel. The baby is only trying to communicate a need. I personally feel that a baby will feel more secure and therefore less likely to cry, if their needs are met. I think that not responding may create anxiety. Where is my parent/I am alone/I feel vulnerable.

I don't think they think about it in those terms, I think it is an instinct rather than a thought.

But I recognise that people feel differently about it. It doesn't mean they don't love their baby. They love them very much. They just don't agree that leaving a baby to cry makes them anxious and they think that they are doing the right thing by training their baby to not cry.

You are right as normal Hecate. DH and I often joke to each other about whether there was ever a more adored child than dd, which always prompts a discussion about how yes, most babies will be as adored as she is and as such everyone is doing what they feel to be the best for their child. That may be different for everyone, and I do struggle to remember that sometimes as something like not being left to cry is pretty fundamental in how we are bringing up our enormously (depressingly sometimes) independent and secure dd.

YANBU

I agree with Startwig and Freudianslipper that you should try to offer her some support with a chat, coming round to yours or you going round to hers as she might be struggling (although you need to approach this carefully and it may be difficult depending on how close a friend she is). If you can't do this or she is not interested, then I would hide her from your FB updates.

YANBU

But if she is posting it on Facebook I would guess she knows perfectly well that she has made the wrong choice and is hoping to be reassured by lots of "happy mummy, happy baby" type responses.

It might not be as you think, baby could be fed, watered etc and mum could be checking there ok (peeping through room etc). But mention it if you want to but I wouldn't go in all guns blazing to begin with

YANBU and this ranks right up there with the early weaning boasts on Facebook. I would comment with a link to very recent research about the damage CC does to small babies. Idiot woman.

my wee sister did this - her prem DS was left to 'cry it out' from day one at home (so he was about 36 weeks by then, IIRC) because she 'didn't want him to think he was in charge'. She also weaned him at 12 weeks corrected. I spend a LOT of time biting my tongue and asking if she's spoken to a HV.

Annoyingly, her DS is a far better sleeper than mine, despite being 18 months younger but I still hate to think of a newborn being left to cry themselves to sleep all the time.

So YANBU.