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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for my kids to stay in bed wheni put them there!!!

33 replies

queenofthedancefloor · 14/12/2011 23:06

hi all.. i have a recent problem with my ten and seven year old. bit of background...single parent...have recently started seeing someone (four months ago). He comes around at nine(a few nites a week). Usually all my kids asleep then that is until arund two weeks ago. They are in and out of eachothers bedroom arguing banging...have tried everything from ignoring them to confiscating toys...no avail. They have only briefly met him and i am sure it is to do with something like they doing it for attention or because he comes around and they feel like they missing out on something i dont know...As am dreading xmas eve they gna b up all nite:-((

OP posts:

A1980 · 14/12/2011 23:08

Is this a joke?

Please tell me it is.

A1980 · 14/12/2011 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Original poster

queenofthedancefloor · 14/12/2011 23:13

ha ha thanks for support. how lovely and no it not a joke...and no i am not a bitch just expect some me time like any ordinary adult single parent deserves. Some people eh.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 14/12/2011 23:15

Why not talk to them about it? See what's bothering them and then try to sort the problem

FlightRisk · 14/12/2011 23:19

A1980

She's not anything of the sort!!!

queenofthedancefloor

I see what you mean my ds took himself to bed at 8.30 and I thought weyhey bonus early night and peace for me. He was still "needing" the toilet at 10:30.

I was the same to my single mum when I was a child (are you sensing an awful pattern here). Its because things have changed . You need to have a good talk to them about bedtimes and perhaps send them at seperate times and earlier. Its scary for them too (this man isn't their dad) see how they feel about him and discuss their worries/thoughts Xx

Original poster

queenofthedancefloor · 14/12/2011 23:20

thanks sirzy have tried this approach. They say nothing botherring themi explained also about how even though i have a "friend" coming over that they still most important things in world to meand mean more than anything to me. I dont know. Tuck them in read a story and then they used to settle fine but now recently all hell breaks loose.

OP posts:

FlightRisk · 14/12/2011 23:23

Give them piriton haha Xx

Original poster

queenofthedancefloor · 14/12/2011 23:23

flight risk yes youre right maybe they are scared of this but have tried to reassure them. They settled now. I will have another word tomorrow.

OP posts:

WhoopsyLa · 14/12/2011 23:24

Er, WHY are people calling her a bitch? For having a boyfriend? Who only coms round once the DC are all tucked up?

OP...they must have got wind of him and want to be part of the excitement of visitors...I know mine would...take their lightbulbs out....once they're in bed and lights are off....unscrew any that they cn get to. Just gt one of those plug in dim ones so they can get to the loo...theygo in the plug holes...my DC are like yours now and then....no lightbulbs seemed to work.

troisgarcons · 14/12/2011 23:27

TBH with you OP - I'd not slate you for having a persaonal life. Thats your business.

but if your children are unsettled, and even if he's coming round after they are in bed, you run the risk of introducing them to someone who may not be long term.

maybe you should arrange your sex life for when you dont have your children in the house?

WhoopsyLa · 14/12/2011 23:28

Not sure they'd be frihtened...my DHworked abroad for ten months and while he was away, a dear (gay male) friend came for a weeks visit...my DC were not afraidand they'd never met the guy! They had daddy away and then this man they'd never met come in to visit...not a hint of stress...only excitement.

Original poster

queenofthedancefloor · 14/12/2011 23:28

lol at the lightbulbs. Good idea did think of it but thought i might of been accused of being a bitch. Depriving them of light lol. They have dimmer ligts also. Good idea. Will try having a chat first though aswell and think tomorrow night those silly bulbs must have blown. He he.

OP posts:

WhoopsyLa · 14/12/2011 23:29

BUt th DC don't know shes' having sex with him trois....should NO single parent have mates round after bedtime....ever incase the DC think they re haing sex?

FlightRisk · 14/12/2011 23:30

If i arranged my sexlife for when my ds wasn't in the house I would have sex 3 times a year!!!

(thats if I was in a relationship)

WhoopsyLa · 14/12/2011 23:30

I never told mine their bulbs had blown! I just whipped em out!

Original poster

queenofthedancefloor · 14/12/2011 23:32

but troisgarcons. they always in the house and we do go out but babysitters are hard to comeby...and i work when they in school. Their dad not much help having them overnight so what to do???

OP posts:

WhoopsyLa · 14/12/2011 23:32

The 1st sign of them messing and I was up there...bulbs gone.

FFs it's not like the poor OP is having orgies in the daytime! And locking the DC in the yard!

She's having a friend round....during adult time...my DC know that unless they're ill or upset or worried about something genuine... Mummy clocks off at 8.30pm....

Original poster

queenofthedancefloor · 14/12/2011 23:33

and lol whoopsyla :-)

OP posts:

lisaro · 14/12/2011 23:35

A1980 - what issues do you have? Jealousy?
The kids are scared of missing something, be strict, but understand, it's human nature - we're all the same. Hope your relationship goes well, OP.

FlightRisk · 14/12/2011 23:37

Oh my word its the 50's we have children and we're either out of wedlock or its the evil sin of divorce.

We should be locked in the dungeons and never be heard of again Xx

troisgarcons · 14/12/2011 23:38

As I say, none of my business. But if you are posting that your "friend" is impacting on your children, and you cant deal with it - then you've made it somethign to publically comment on

if he's a "friend" then he can come round in daylight

Original poster

queenofthedancefloor · 14/12/2011 23:43

c ur point trois but i was trying to be wise and make sure he appropriate before bringing him into their lives. They met briefly. He wants to see them properly anyway so will let him see them in daylight soon lol

OP posts:

WhoopsyLa · 14/12/2011 23:45

She's at work then Trois and what doesn't bloody impac the DC? I go for a wee and my 3 year old has a wobbly....they get impacted by everything.

WhoopsyLa · 14/12/2011 23:46

Yes he'll think they're all vampires queen

troisgarcons · 14/12/2011 23:46

Well, I'd say, if they knew him, he wouldn't be of novelty value, then they'd bugger off to bed and stay there. If they know he's a bit 'secret' then that makes him something unusual and curiosity arises.

Just my take. But maybe he should be introduced, randomly, as a friend - in the same way you'd have a female friend - and then he has no novelty value.

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