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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

do you think it is wrong for nativity casting to be blatantly partisan? Or should all children have an equal chance?

28 replies

Greensleeves · 14/12/2011 17:58

I was at my kids' christingle yesterday (sorry, second thread on the bloody thing Blush)

I noted that Mary was the daughter of the local Baptist minister who is very chummy with the Head, comes into school twice a week and is a leading light on the governing body

Is this wrong? Or is it perfectly OK? I don't even have a girl and I'm an atheist, so not personal axe to grind, but I did notice last year that the principals in the school nativity were equally well-connected. Is it unfair on the other kids, or does it just not matter?

OP posts:
minimisschief · 14/12/2011 18:04

who really cares when it comes down to it. I am sure the other kids do not care that they are sheep or flowers or whatever crap they come up with in these things.

It only appears to be the parents that are bothered

hiddenhome · 14/12/2011 18:04

It's totally unfair on the other kids and people who do this should be thoroughly ashamed Angry

slavetofilofax · 14/12/2011 18:10

It's unfair, and I am surprised the teachers that actually spend time with all the children allow it to happen.

KittyFane · 14/12/2011 18:11

Don't you think primary schools are cliquey in this way full stop?
The parents who 'pop in' every 5 mins to do this that and the other are well known by staff and therefore their DC stand out from the crowd.
It doesn't happen in secondary schools really because doors are not open to parents generally.

EdithWeston · 14/12/2011 18:13

We know nothing about this child's individual qualities nor why she was picked for the role.

Or can she never have a major role in anything because of what her family is like?

Esta3GG · 14/12/2011 18:13

Twas ever thus.
Our school was dominated by a couple of families who ruled the PTA etc and whose litle darlings got leading roles in all the shows.
It never bothered me much. But my mother was incensed by it.

justaboutisnowakiwi · 14/12/2011 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moln · 14/12/2011 18:15

hmmm in one way it's wrong but on the flp side that little girl shouldn't not be mary becuse of who her dad is

i certainly recall in my primary that it was always the blonde pretty girls who got the main roles in everything, i certainly wasn't pretty and not blonde and i certainly noticed the trend after a few years of the same girls getting the principal roles and myself and another girl never ever being in anything, considering there were so few of us it should have been easy to rotate each year

so in other words i don't think it is jsut the parents who notice

susiedaisy · 14/12/2011 18:19

Never has the phrase 'it's not what you know but who you know' been truer than during auctions for the Xmas play in a primary schoolGrin when they get to senior school and you stand back and reflect you realise none of it matters and the kids have all but forgotten about it, sooo glad I have got past that stage now, this year no Xmas plays, no Carol singing no helping out at Xmas fair, bliss!!!

Fennel · 14/12/2011 18:20

I think it's often coincidence. I have one dd who is a "Mary" type, gets chosen for lots of things. She's quite, well, forward. In-your-face-first-to-volunteer. And my other dds, both much blonder, are "back-of-donkey" type and "3rd row angel" type. I'm the same parent for all 3.

youtalkintomeunderthemiseltoe · 14/12/2011 18:22

At ds's school Mary was played by a boy, now you don't get much more equal opportunity than that Grin

Northernlurker · 14/12/2011 18:27

I think you'll find that children of parents who attend church will often get picked for stuff. This is not because God is on their side Grin. This is because they have spent significant portions of their life with adults not their parents or relatives and have been participating in various church activities basically all their lives. My dds are used to standing up at the front of church and reading etc. Yes it probably does give them an edge over children who haven't done that and yes in primary my dd1 was given the big part in the Christmas play.That was because she has a photographic memory in addition to the above and the part (oddly for year 1!!!) had a lot of lines. I think you need to wind your neck in tbh - you know nothing about what's happened here.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 14/12/2011 19:28

Not in my experience. My (year 2) boy had a big part in this year's nativity - and we are not connected at all. It's a CofE primary but we don't attend church, I'm not on the PTA and in fact rarely get to the school for pickups and dropoffs because I'm a full time teacher.

I think they picked him because he has the memory of an elephant and a voice like a foghorn. That's my theory, anyway.

BarbarianMum · 14/12/2011 19:36

These threads annoy me Hmm.

I've helped out at our school/pre-school for years (I'm Chair of the bloody pre-school committee FGS). And my children are persistently given 3rd shepherd from the left type roles. My eldest was a potato at harvest festival - one of a host of potatoes actually (is that the right collective noun?), rather than a dancing sprout, or singing strawberry.

Ungrateful bastards! What am I doing wrong?

clam · 14/12/2011 19:40

Oh for FUCK sake, not this again! IT'S A LOAD OF COMPLETE BOLLOCKS!!!!

Alright?

ginmakesitallok · 14/12/2011 19:41

Does it really matter??? Surely you are just as proud of your child if they are the 3rd Shepherd from the left, or angel stuck behind a donkey??

DD was said Angel in one nativity and then reached the heights of Mary the next year- I was just as proud of her both times (oh - and we have NO connections with anyone one the "giving out the costumes" panel)

lazylula · 14/12/2011 19:43

It is easy to decide that this child got the part because of who her father is, but if this is the first time she has been Mary, then maybe it was felt it was 'her turn' or maybe she read well or maybe it was done on a 'draw straws' type scenario. She should no more get the part because of who her dad is, than not get the part for fear of thoughts like this.
The school I worked it, it was all worked out fairly and we did our best to ensure no one got the 'starring role' twice but remembering from year to year can be difficult, although in general the starring roles went to year 2 as they were the oldest in the infants.

skybluepearl · 14/12/2011 19:52

at our school it's the same two girls year after year - they are quite loud, sing OK and are the teachers faves. I find it very predictable. I'd much rather have a more interesting less obvious choice of lead to watch.

lljkk · 14/12/2011 19:52

It sounds pants, OP, but I can't say that it fits with my real life experience.

TheOldestCat · 14/12/2011 19:56

My DD was Mary in her school nativity (she's in reception so am new to all this).

She was given the part in the same week her grandmother died. I think the teachers were being kind.

cardibach · 14/12/2011 19:59

My daughter (15) is the lead in our school play, which I direct. I can tell you categorically it is not to do with me, it is to do with her abilities. You can disbelieve me if you like, but that is the case. Maybe this child is just the best for the job?

saintlyjimjams · 14/12/2011 20:19

I think this is unfair often and sour grapes. Ds2 is often chosen for main parts or decent speaking parts at school but has just been in a professional play touring from the west end so I presume he's reasonable at what he does Hmm ds3 gets smaller parts - it's not his thing. the same girls get the big parts in his class - but they are both very good. Fair enough! All the kids get something to do and Mary and Joseph this year both had SN.

Ds2 often misses out on sports teams or scrapes in (he's actually more interested in football than anything else) I like that he has something he's good at.

KittyFane · 14/12/2011 21:12

cardi did you do cast list as well as direct?

Cloudbase · 14/12/2011 21:16

I don't think it necessarily it has anything to do with being connected, but I hope they rotate characters - this year my DD was the Nativity Pig and all the other girls were angels and dressed in princess costumes and tinsel. It didn't bother me in the slightest, but she hated her costume and was upset that all the other girls got be pretty and she didn't (but she's reception and new to it all, so we had a chat about all taking it in turns to play different parts, that wearing pretty costumes is not important and that she was the only very best pig in the play!)

Cherriesarelovely · 14/12/2011 21:21

My colleagues daughters go to our school (one is taught by her mum). In my colleagues case she actually has to MAKE herself single her daughter out for praise or a good part in a play because she is so worried about people thinking what you are thinking! In her case (she teaches Year 5 and 6) she always makes sure that the selection process for plays is transparent, she pulls names out of a hat or gets the children to audition and then gets another teacher to come and verify her decision! I bet not everyone is as careful though!