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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you take a day off to look after your sick child

127 replies

cuteboots · 14/12/2011 13:37

You shouldnt be made to take it as a days holiday? Especially as I havent got any holiday left this next year so they have taken a day off me for next year??? How does that work when it wasnt bloody holiday and I spent it cleaning up puke for most of the day!! Am I being a bit oversensitive???

OP posts:
ShellyBoobs · 14/12/2011 21:01

still, profits before anything else here, eh.

What do you suggest then?

Parents to be entitled to extra paid days away from work over and above what childless people are allowed?

I do know a few people whose employers allow them paid time off (3 days I think) to look after dependants, but they're all public sector. I can't imagine an employer who has to make money doing that.

laptopdancer · 14/12/2011 21:01

I work at a university and get no carers leave

stressheaderic · 14/12/2011 21:14

As a teacher, I receive no holiday entitlement of my choosing so cannot 'use a day of my leave' when things like this occur.

13mo DD was in hospital earlier this year, I was called out of work at lunchtime to meet DP at hosp as DD become suddenly very ill.

It was at my headteacher's discretion whether to pay me or not. I hadn't had a day off sick in 5 years. He chose not to pay me for the afternoon.

I fully understand the law and the reasoning, but do think an ounce of compassion here and there means you get an awful lot more back from your employees.

BlueCat2010 · 14/12/2011 21:20

Zoe1234 - so you expect small businesses to pay staff when they are unable to work because they are off for the emergency? In the real world no business can afford to do this as the knock on effect of a member of staff not being productive will have already decreased the profits (usually this would be the only earnings of the person owning the business!) I have no qualms with the nicey nicey feelings you are expressing, and have no doubt the majority would like to do this, but it just isn't practicable.

clam · 14/12/2011 21:23

stressheaderic I'm Shock at your HT docking wages for a hospital dash. Very short-sighted of him, imo. Give and take. He'll be expecting you to turn up to out-of-hours PTA events and so on? Hmm...

t0lk13n · 14/12/2011 21:28

The only time in 11 years that I didnt go in was when my son with cerebral palsy hurt his ankle....thought he had broken it, but thankfully it wasnt, I had to phone work and genuinely said what had happened and they put it down as a sick day not me. He couldn`t get to the loo unaided and needed to be supported to do so. Otherwise I have never phoned in sick for a child....my colleague has done it on many occasions!

WillowFae · 14/12/2011 21:28

As a teacher I cannot just take a days annual leave. We are allowed the first day off paid leave but then it is unpaid. This is to try and give you a chance to sort something out for the 2nd and subsequent days. I'm luck to have two sets of grandparents nearby and I've only had to have days off when DD was in hospital.

t0lk13n · 14/12/2011 21:30

I am a teacher too. Never had to worry about it as I am lucky my husband works shifts plus my boys are older.

FabbyChic · 14/12/2011 21:35

Its either that or you take it as unpaid leave, simple really. Why should parents be treated any different to other staff.

Knackeredmother · 14/12/2011 21:42

I work in the nhs and had 2 days off earlier this year when my son was very ill in hospital. I received paid carers leave.
A month later he became seriously ill again and was bluelighted to hospital having stopped breathing. I called from the ambulance and
was told I had to attend work, no option of unpaid or annual leave! I was in a real state and clearly unfit to work and an hour before my shift some kind person arranged a locum. I am paying the time back.
I would never expect paid leave and would be very grateful for the chance to take annual leave.

Rollergirl1 · 14/12/2011 22:01

It entirely depends on the flexibility of where you work of course. But you shouldn't feel any more entitled to more sick days just because you have children. It also obviously depends on the severity of the illness. Taking time off because your child has chicken pox is entirely different to taking time off because your child has been hospitalised.

It is one of the plights of this day and age and what working mothers have to battle with. This issue alone is one of the reasons why I am considering giving up work, having worked after a years maternity with both DC's for nearly 6 years. I feel continoulsy guilty when I am not able to fulfil my work commitments due to one of my children being sick (and yes I have lied in the past and said that I am ill just because I don't want to admit to my child being ill again) and I am acutely aware that it is this kind of thing (through no-one's fault) that makes working mothers undesirable to employ.

It's very hard. I can see both sides of the story.

troisgarcons · 14/12/2011 22:40

Those of us in the state sector - that tell the truth - get docked a days pay.

BreakOutTheTinselSantasAComing · 14/12/2011 22:54

I thought it was the law that you could take reasonable time off for dependants, to make other arrangements for care. Unpaid, obviously, but I don't see how they can make you take that out of your holidays instead.

The parental leave is a set amount of time- I think it's 2 weeks a year- until the child is 5, again unpaid. You probably have to apply in writing for that, everywhere I have worked has anyway, and I think they can refuse it if they have a case that it will affect the business at that time-i.e. 2 weeks before christmas in a shop.

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/12/2011 08:01

'family care days' should be un-paid!

Why should an employer have to pay (and possibly find paid cover) so that someone can take time off to be with their sick child.

If you have children you should expect that there will be days when you cannot work due to having to care for them at home if they are ill.

What did the OP expect? special treatment for being a mother?

NinkyNonker · 15/12/2011 08:08

In all private sector firms I've worked in you've been allowed time. One was a huge firm that allowed 5 days a year for personal emergencies (and one for Christmas shopping oddly, and a day for moving house) the other was smaller and allowed it on a discretionary basis. Ie: ok, keep your blackberry on, or pass anything urgent to a colleague and take what you need. All worked well.

BlueCat2010 · 15/12/2011 09:22

BreakOut - I think most parents would rather they were paid a day's holiday rather than be skint. I think it was optional rather than compulsary, but if not you are right!

JackMatthias · 15/12/2011 09:55

I'm self-employed and twice have had to take time off to look after DC2 - once for the strike on 30th November and then because DC2 was sick. On each occasion, DW was entitled to unpaid leave but we need her income so I took the time off

tulipgrower · 15/12/2011 10:20

YANBU - 10 days per kid per parent, or double for lone parents every year over here (Germany) - PAID! (But capped at 25days per parent, double for lone parents) (Of course you have to prove it, i.e. need a doctors note. So not really used for a day off with the sniffles.)

How unrealisistic to not have paid parental leave for when kids are sick! Kids get sick, kids have accidents, who else is going to sit in A&E waiting for an xray/stitches/... If not the parents?

In the case where my son was in hospital with pneumonia my DH roomed in with him, fed him, changed him, amused, supervised him, which otherwise they would have to find a professional to do, so indirectly it's not as expensive as it would appear on the surface.

shuffleballchange · 15/12/2011 10:24

YAB a bit U. I know its a shit but from a childless colleagues point of view, why should you get paid for looking after your child? Would you like it if they were allowed to just take a day off to look after their sick pet and get paid for it? I always take it as holiday, even though my employers are really cool about the whole thing and dont mind if we take it as sick or holiday. Its just another joy of being a parent.

EssexGurl · 15/12/2011 11:28

Parental leave is supposed to be organised in advance and is not there for emergencies. But there is an entitlement to something called emergency leave which is for what it says on the tin, the odd unexpected day off and is unpaid.

Why should you take it as a paid day off when you are not at work and not ill yourself? Sorry, but YABU. You need to either take as holiday or unpaid leave .

ByTheWay1 · 15/12/2011 11:36

I would be docked a days pay - no other option as am a support worker in school - no time off in term time allowed at all.

My partner would be affected much more - he is on contract work - and any unpaid absence counts as a break in contract and therefore breaks continuous service and pension provision etc can be badly affected.

diddl · 15/12/2011 11:41

Heavens-I never read this at all as OP expecting to be paid-just not wanting next years holiday using!

Scholes34 · 15/12/2011 11:53

YABU to expect it. However, you might feel you deserve it. How committed are you to your job? Do you go that bit further to do the job properly, stay late, come in early when necessary? It's all swings and roundabouts. Both sides need to accommodate each other's needs. I have to take the hours if I'm off, but can make up at other times or we take into account extra hours I've already put in. DH gets up to five days' dependency leave, or we try to work from home.

hardboiledpossum · 15/12/2011 11:58

I always assumed that you could just take it as sick pay but I see I was wrong! My partner took a day off work to look after DS when I was ill and his company let him take it as a sick day they also paid him when he stayed home to look after me when I was ill and pregnant.

emergency leave www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Timeoffandholidays/DG_10026555

parental leave www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Moneyandworkentitlements/WorkAndFamilies/Parentalleaveandflexibleworking/DG_10029416

anniemac · 15/12/2011 12:02

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