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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed with mail addressed wrongly?

44 replies

PenguinArmy · 14/12/2011 12:06

If so, then give me tips to not get annoyed other something I know is really trivial.

I have a few family members who when sending us cards etc. address it to

Mr and Mrs (DH Initial) (DH surname)

I assume this is because they are old school and think letters should be addressed formally. However, if that's the case then it's just wrong. I'd rather it just be addressed to names without titles. e.g. DH and Penguin.

Incidentally if it was correct then it would be Dr Army and Mr DH Surname. I think I'd be alright it was addressed to Mr and Ms DH surname but it's having all 3 components wrong that pisses me right off irks me.

I'm being sleep deprived hormonally driven irrational aren't I?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 14/12/2011 12:07

So the formal, correct way is 'wrong?' Grin

WorraLiberty · 14/12/2011 12:09

This is such a non issue imo

Just smile at the fact they bothered to send you a Christmas greeting and chuck the envelope in the bin.

Housewifefromheaven · 14/12/2011 12:09

Grin at Valium!

wineandcheese · 14/12/2011 12:13

I completely understand where you're coming from but I'd put it in the 'one to let go' pile.

letmehelp · 14/12/2011 12:14

Hmm, but their way is right! (Except they should say Mr & Dr in your case) unless you have different surnames?

ihatecbeebies · 14/12/2011 12:16

It could be worse, they could sign it great grandma Wink

WorraLiberty · 14/12/2011 12:16

I would only address something to a Doctor if it was a medical thing...other than that, it's just a bit odd I think.

I don't address other people's cards "Mr Roofer and Mrs Tesco Shelf Stacker" Xmas Grin

Original poster
PenguinArmy · 14/12/2011 12:16

No we have different surnames

OP posts:
Original poster
PenguinArmy · 14/12/2011 12:17

to be fair, they don't know that I (would) go by Ms rather than Mrs

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/12/2011 12:18

If it is official post, then fair enough.. if it is christmas cards, get a grip.

WorraLiberty · 14/12/2011 12:20

And don't let them know you're this pedantic or they probably won't bother next year!

Original poster
PenguinArmy · 14/12/2011 12:20

where do just general letters from then fall then squeaky Xmas Grin

I think DS agrees with MN, he's sticking his tongue at me.

OP posts:
WhereTheWildThingsWere · 14/12/2011 12:23

This gets me too, we get loads of cards addressed to Mr and Mrs DP surname, we are not even married! I actually wouldn't mind so much if it was something official (apart from it being a glaring error) but these are our friends and family.

Original poster
PenguinArmy · 14/12/2011 12:24

a part of me feels I'm being dismissed in quite a big way, that's what I can't get over despite knowing that this issue is small fish

OP posts:
eurochick · 14/12/2011 12:28

I've started getting the Xmas cards in so I know where you are coming from.

I didn't name change and have been pretty vocal about it. But even if people hadn't heard, I hate hate hate being addressed as Mrs [husband's first name, husband's surname]. I didn't take his surname and I certainly didn't take his bloody firstname. And it's not just old people who are doing it, it's my generation too.

WorraLiberty · 14/12/2011 12:29

Dismissed because they're bothering to wish you a Happy Christmas?

My friend has been with her DP for 22yrs and it bugs the life out of her when people address things to 'Mr Black and Miss White'....she doesn't see what's wrong with just 'Mr and Mrs Black'....seeing as though their DD has her Dad's surname.

It's a bloody minefield with too many over thinkers out there imo

HazleNutt · 14/12/2011 12:34

Why would it be Mr and Dr? Dr goes first, even if it is a Shock
lady-doctor. So yes, all the people insisting that it must be correct, the correct way is Dr Army and Mr DH Surname.

And I don't think it's too much to ask that your family members use your actual name and title.

lesley33 · 14/12/2011 12:34

If you google this there are lots of people giving advice about the "correct" way and all are slightly different. Although to be fair nobody seems to suggest the form your family members are using. But nobody seems to suggest from what I have read so far using Ms either.

Original poster
PenguinArmy · 14/12/2011 12:36

dismissed because three components (what's the deal with having his initial there) are wrong, like I'm being told I should have changed my name (they do think this actually), dismissed because they could just simply address it to our first names 'Jack and Jill' style.

Also it's just cards, we do general correspondence as well.

I would never say anything to them. I would like not to get a bit annoyed about it though, just can't quite get there.

OP posts:
WhoKnowsWhereTheMistletoes · 14/12/2011 12:38

I feel exactly the same but would never say anything, so YANBU

Original poster
PenguinArmy · 14/12/2011 12:39

The Ms thing for more conceeding that Dr can come across as a bit wanky as well as the insistence of writing a longer line by using both names. It would in some small way recognise I am not Mrs DH name.

OP posts:
helendigestives · 14/12/2011 12:39

It's very frustrating when people misname you. Perhaps growl and rip up the envelope, then smile politely when it comes to thanking them.

WorraLiberty · 14/12/2011 12:40

Ok well yes, I do think you're being sleep deprived hormonally driven irrational about this really.

At the end of the day, you'll be no more or less important than anyone else on their Christmas card list I imagine.

Therefore, I expect they put more thought into the actual card and contents than the envelope.

As long as it gets where it's going, job done Xmas Smile

Scholes34 · 14/12/2011 12:40

Ooh, I like to give a message to my ex-boss's 2nd wife (he's her fourth husband), by addressing their card to Mr and Mrs Ex Boss, so she understands she's easily replaced (and she's been doing such a lot of replacing too that I wonder if she remembers who she is).

OldGreyWassailTest · 14/12/2011 12:45

If you sign your cards to them.....Dr Whatever and Mr Whatever perhaps they'll get the message?