with my mother wanting some sort of secret club with my daughter?

[VickyCM]

I don't know if I am overreacting but my mother keeps talking to my daughter (she is three months - I know, I know) and saying things like ' Nanna is going to spoil you and you mustn't tell Mummy' and ' we will have more fun than with Mummy' and my favourite ' love Nanna, hate Mummy day' it is driving me mad and I think she thinks it is funny or she is trying to be funny but I am getting upset by it. If I try to tell her to do something my way she usually sees it as a huge slight and gets angry. Also she tips the pram to see my daughter and this drives me mad- I have told her not to do it but she still does!
vent over!! not sure how I should tell her to stop as she can be unreasonable.

My MIL is a bit like that.

She has very little and very controlled contact with the DCs. You're the mum. Show her who's boss!

"love nanna, hate mummy day" WTF!

If you tell her not to do something, she doesn't do it. End of. Your baby, your rules and all that.

Be strong, Vicky. Be strong!

Ignore, ignore, ignore the comments (except any that suggest she should 'hate' anyone - that's just rude).
Your DD knows who her Mummy is, and that is a special relationship that no-one can break.

If tipping the pram really upsets you then she shouldn't do it. Be firm and if she doesn't listen, then push the pram yourself. If it only a small matter, but she should respect your wishes as the mother.

Ignore her totally. People are at their silliest with babies!
Treat her like a 2 yr old, ignore the irritating and pay attention to her when being sensible.

I will be strong- thanks!! also every time she comes to the door she says ' its ok Nanna's here' grrrrr

Grit your teeth and ignore.
(If you wanted to be really mean you could record her one day and play it back!!!)
However-probably be best to just totally ignore.

'Hate Mummy day' isn't very nice though.

I would tell her to stop that one.

All the better to undermine you with. Hate mummy day is just mean.

It is mean-which is why I would take no notice.

She sounds like a right charmer! I think you just have to tell her that if she can't be nice, she can't visit.

A lot of grandmas do seem to get like this with the grandchildren which can be very annoying but sometimes you can put up with it for a quiet life, however it sounds like her behaviour really is not acceptable and crosses the line. It needs stamping out asap! What did you say when she said "hate mummy day"?!

I had a very similar situation with my mother, I just gritted my teeth and let it pass. Which it did, eventually. But I would not put up with 'hate Mummy day', that is horrible and you shouldnt have to put up with something so nasty.

I will ignore, but also i will tell her not to say the hate one, i know she will then say (as she always does) 'I can't say anything right' errrr no you can't!!!
don't even start about Christmas !! oh boy, what joy!
Thanks all for your posts- really helps

You could ask her (conversationally like) if her own mother made comments like that to you when you were a baby and if so how she felt about it....

I'd call her on the hate Mummy comment though and take the baby. Hopefully she'll get the message that if she doesn't speak appropriately she doesn't get cuddles.

I said errrmmm no I don't think so. She just carried on cooing and talking as if I wasn't there. She also grabs the pram from me and wants to take over. I need to get a grip and be more forceful but anything for a quiet life right?!

I always joke with my baby/mum - if he cries I will say 'come back to mummy, did evil granny make you cry'. It's a running joke though

The hate thing is awful, that needs stamping out but the rest sounds ok, you just need to tune it out.

What is wrong with her wanting to push the pram? In a few months you will be desperate to walk upright without pushing the buggy in front of you, take advantage and swing your arms!

My Mum used to do the 'I can't say anything right' thing, and I just say 'yes you can, but that wasn't one of them'. It takes all the melodrama out of the situation and she will soon stop doing it.

I'm sorry, but this is making me laugh. I know she's your mum but it's making her seem like a character in a film in which Joan Crawford would at her part.

It's really bizarre. If my mum said this I wouldn't be seeing the funny side tho.

play her part

You are right, the pram thing is more that she takes over in a kind of possessive way, I totally don't care if she wants to push it, oh I don't know...she is just grating on me!!
I'll try the 'yes you can but that wasn't one of them' thanks for that!

She sounds like my mother. People don't believe me when I say I don't like her, but I don't. She is always trying to undermine me with my children and come between us. Contact is fairly limited, and every time I relax how often / how much she see them, she reminds me why I limited it in the first place.

It is a horrible feeling, but you do have to be very strong. Calm, logical, and strong. Don't allow her to bully you, but equally don't over-react. It is a fine line to walk. Good luck!

It is as though the whole world revolves around her, if she is tired- god help us!!
Thanks :)

I would beat her at her own game. 'love Nanna, hate mummy day' would be met with 'you won't hate anyone will you? You're too nice for that. Silly Nanna'. All said to the baby in your baby voice with a huge smile on your face.

lol my mum does this. She's even says exactly what your mum does. Apart from the hate thing. She does it to wind me up. Take no notice and laugh it off.