to want my dad to just slip away...

[FruitShootsSantaandLeaves]

He has no idea who anyone is or where he is, or that is it Christmas. He is doubly incontinent. He is now in almost constant pain , because of a hernia, and on regular painkillers, but he can't be operated on because of his condition.
He is permanently worried and upset. He is alive but has no life.

Who in their right mind made the law that insists we preserve life at all costs.
It is cruel and unbearably sad.

I await a flaming from those who think that a human life should be preserved no matter what.

So sorry for you and all your family. My Dad took a long time to go (cancer) and we felt nothing but relief for him and us when he finally passed. Although the pain was under control he was a proud man and was left with little dignity. It's tough to watch. Thoughts with you.

Thank you for all your kind words and thoughts
He's been like this for a while, I think it is just this time of year that makes it worse, and the fact that he is now in pain and can't understand why.

I think it all comes down to a very personal choice... My grandmother has a very poor quality of life, no mobility, kidney failure which causes delirium, severe pain all of the time, yet when asked what she wanted when her condition worsened, she said she didn't want anyone to kill her

I wouldn't call it a quality of life, but it is her life, me... I would prefer to be able to make my own decision on this and feel secure that my wishes be carried out when I am unable to communicate.

Sorry to hear about your dad op

No flaming here either, I agree with you 100%. They wouldn't let an animal suffer this way and it's devastating for the families too to watch a loved family member go through it :( As someone else said they are 'existing' not living and I think that's wrong.

When my nan had cancer she took a while to die and when I was told she finally passed away I was just so relieved for her that it was all over

Sorry about your dad op

Fruit.

Sweetie - the pain and the emotional distress can be stopped. It can be. I've seen it. They stopped it for my Dad.

Speak to his medical team - or, if you're feeling a little frail, get someone not involved but a friend to do it for you and the family with your authority.

My thoughts are with you. Lord knows it's not easy. Approaching death is difficult enough. Suffering is a whole different dimension.

Fruit YANBU at all. There's only one thing worse than someone you love dying, and that's someone you love suffering.

When my MIL died, before the grief set in, all we felt was utter relief and gratitude even that her suffering was over.

I'm so sorry you're going through this but also agree with cozie that it is well worth speaking in detail with the medical team. Even if only a small amount of relief is possible, its a plus.

x