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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think 'prizes' at the disco were unnecessary?

31 replies

DriverDan · 12/12/2011 23:42

I am fully willing to be told IABU and pfb, but am bored and feel like canvassing opinions on this matter of obvious great importance

Four year old DD had her first Christmas show today. It was a one of these 'everybody gets a part' plays so everyone felt like they were included and there weren't 'stars' of the show.

Afterwards they treated the kids to a mini disco. The kids were all feeling great having done a great show and the DJ was entertaining and good at getting the kids doing the dances. He gave out prizes to the best dancers, about 6 kids out of 90 got a prize (a bit of plastic or inflatable tat).

DD took this quite seriously and was determined to get a prize, she tried her best to copy the dance moves but didn't win a prize and burst into tears at the end. The DJ just awarded them to anyone, obviously none of the 4 or 5 year olds were amazing dancers, just jumping up and down and having fun and a couple of kids got them for having a noticable costume or whatever. But she was devastated! I'm sure I am probably being pfb and obviously don't like seeing DD so upset when she was trying her best and we told her everyone wins something at some time and not everyone can win everytime etc etc but I just feel like 4/5 year olds would have been more than happy with a dance and the competitive element was unnecessary. DD is one of the youngest in the year so maybe not mature enough to really deal with this kind of thing yet but after the inclusive nature of the show it just felt a bit mean. DD wasn't the only upset child.

So go on, AIBU? Don't know how this is so long about an infant school disco! Sorry!

OP posts:

halcyondays · 12/12/2011 23:45

Yabu

himynameisfred · 12/12/2011 23:46

I remember crying (and feeling incredibly hurt) at that exact same age when losing out during a party game.
Maybe kids that age aren't mature enough to understand it.

ItWasABoojum · 12/12/2011 23:46

YANBU - obviously it won't scar any of them for life but it's sad that kids that age aren't just encouraged to have fun without any competitive element.

ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 23:46

Welcome to Real Life, lil' MiniDriverDan. It sucks.

One of my earliest memories is of a disco like this with prizes, must have been about 6, and I won a bag of sherbet UFOs for identifying New Order's Blue Monday. True Story.

Original poster

DriverDan · 12/12/2011 23:50

Vivi that's what DH said, but with more fury, he really is very pfb about DD!

OP posts:

HoneyandHaycorns · 12/12/2011 23:51

YANBU. My dd wins a prize at every school disco but she would enjoy it just as much if she didn't.

Not everything has to be competitive.

LittleJennyRobyn · 12/12/2011 23:51

I understand that you dont like to see your DD upset but it is something she will have to learn to deal with.

How is she going to cope at Birthday parties if she doesn't win at pass the parcel, or musical statues?

It's life i'm afraid, and something that she will have to get used to, as there will be all manor of prizes and certificates given out throughout the school years.

squeakytoy · 13/12/2011 00:02

YABU.. kids have to learn that not everyone can be a winner. Thats life.

I suspect Pass the Parcel is even fixed these days to ensure everyone gets a prize

RomanChristingle · 13/12/2011 00:45

YABU. Even though I suspect my 4 yo dd would have been exactly the same. I probably would have explained to her that not everyone would be getting a prize but if I thought she was really good at dancing and not getting in a strop if she didn't win I'd get her a prize pack of haribo on the way home.

ClapTrap · 13/12/2011 01:31

YABU, however I do completely understand -it is heartbreaking to watch your pfb (I have one too ;) ) do their very best and get upset when their efforts are not rewarded. They are so use to being told how amazing and fantastic they are (as they should be.) My DD (nearly 4) was at a party on Sunday that had a dance competition. My usually shy little girl really got into the spirit and threw some interesting shapes. I was all prepared for meltdown and doing the 'not everyone can win' speech, but to my relief she got a plastic medal. Phew. As sad as it is to burst the bubble of the pfb, it is a kindness really. We can not protect our children from all the uncomfortable things that will happen in life, but at least we are there to support them and guide them on their way.

confuddledDOTcom · 13/12/2011 02:29

It does seem odd considering they'd gone to such effort to make everyone included.

In my house I can't fix games for my children to always win because my eldest (5) likes to see everyone get a turn at winning, she's quite matter of fact about that sort of thing and always has been, but it's not usual at that age and people entertaining children need to know their audience (like anyone I guess).

lesley33 · 13/12/2011 07:48

I think the competition element is unnecessary for DCs this age - so you yanbu in thinking that. However all dcs need to learn to lose as it is a real part of life. As DD is your first, this may be the 1st time this has happened to your dc and so be upsetting. If you have other DCs then they do experience losing at a young age.

Esta3GG · 13/12/2011 07:59

Life is just one great big tedious X-Factor these days.

The twatty DJ at my son's school christmas party handed out prizes for the best dancers - causing a real downer at the end of the afternoon.
They went to the biggest show offs and the girls who "do" dance classes.
(BTW is there anything more vile than watching 4 year olds waggling their nethers around like Rhianna?)

aldiwhore · 13/12/2011 08:04

YANBU I hate these prizes that aren't fair to start with and are based on opinion, and its usually the showy offy kids who elbow everyone else out of the way who get prizes. (Vivi, your prize was earned!)

YABU to be angry and overly upset over it though, but you're not really are you? I think acknowledgement from you to your DD that it wasn't fair will help her upset, but she still enjoyed the dancing didn't she? Talk about it with her. Then finish with a deep breath, and carry on.

aldiwhore · 13/12/2011 08:05

Esta it was the same when I was a kid, and it was the New Faces era then!

ViviPrudolf · 13/12/2011 08:50

Arf, thanks, Aldi The party organisers were all catsbumface that I'd somehow been tipped off, how could a 6 year old possibly know that. It was only the first few bars too.

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 13/12/2011 09:14

I think it's horrid but I'm wussy. At DD's birthday party I kept a running tally so that everyone won something. Surprisingly hard to fix in some cases. But I know people who think it's OK for the birthday child to win the only game at their own party. At least in this case the minority got prizes - it's much worse IMO when the ones with prizes are in the majority and those without feel really shit.

I agree with aldiwhore.

sickoftheemails · 13/12/2011 09:18

Why cant kids just enjoy a disco without a competition though. I agree with the OP. Sure kids should learn to accept disappointment but why cant they just enjoy something for the enjoyments sake just for once.

Flisspaps · 13/12/2011 09:19

YABU - what's going to happen come Sports Day?

bruffin · 13/12/2011 09:20

I don't think its so bad if it's just one or two prizes, but one year the pta did a raffle with 50 odd prizes so there were more winners than loosers and that did not go down very well with the children at all!

But then every year my DD's bf used to win the best dancing prize as the lady who ran the disco was friendly with her mum

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 09:22

YABU. The dance competitions and prizes are too keep the children dancing and not running around being silly, falling over and hurting themselves, fighting and disappearing to the toilets every 5 minutes. They're nothing about learning about competition!

I probably wouldn't like it if I thought about it. But I don't think about it!

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 09:23

to keep - obviously

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 13/12/2011 09:35

YANBU although maybe a little precious

Is there really any need to award prizes for best dancing at a school disco? Surely the kids have loads of fun anyway? Giving prizes to the winner of musical chairs/statues/whatever I get, but dancing? My 5 year old nephew would be gutted if he lost out on a prize for dancing- he takes his dancing very seriously and in his own words "knows how to bust some moves!"

HoHoOpotomus · 13/12/2011 09:39

You DD is learning a life lesson - little by little we learn these things about the world. Hopefully not too soon and not all at once, but knowing how to handle winning/losing needs to be learnt pretty early don't you think?. All kids need to know they aren't always going to win and that's OK. What's wrong with that?

Miette · 13/12/2011 09:45

YANBU. After putting on the show the kids should have been allowed to relax and have fun without being made to compete against each other.

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