to think 'prizes' at the disco were unnecessary?

[DriverDan]

I am fully willing to be told IABU and pfb, but am bored and feel like canvassing opinions on this matter of obvious great importance

Four year old DD had her first Christmas show today. It was a one of these 'everybody gets a part' plays so everyone felt like they were included and there weren't 'stars' of the show.

Afterwards they treated the kids to a mini disco. The kids were all feeling great having done a great show and the DJ was entertaining and good at getting the kids doing the dances. He gave out prizes to the best dancers, about 6 kids out of 90 got a prize (a bit of plastic or inflatable tat).

DD took this quite seriously and was determined to get a prize, she tried her best to copy the dance moves but didn't win a prize and burst into tears at the end. The DJ just awarded them to anyone, obviously none of the 4 or 5 year olds were amazing dancers, just jumping up and down and having fun and a couple of kids got them for having a noticable costume or whatever. But she was devastated! I'm sure I am probably being pfb and obviously don't like seeing DD so upset when she was trying her best and we told her everyone wins something at some time and not everyone can win everytime etc etc but I just feel like 4/5 year olds would have been more than happy with a dance and the competitive element was unnecessary. DD is one of the youngest in the year so maybe not mature enough to really deal with this kind of thing yet but after the inclusive nature of the show it just felt a bit mean. DD wasn't the only upset child.

So go on, AIBU? Don't know how this is so long about an infant school disco! Sorry!

YADNBU!! I totally agree, I detest this prize-giving for the best, ugh. They should just be able to have fun without competition. As for 4 yo's needing to learn this life lesson - really?! At 4?! I totally disagree. There is plenty of time for them to learn that the world isn't fair when they're more able to deal with it. I find it ludicrous to say that 4yo's need to learn life lessons.

I think a competition at the disco was unnecessary. But i do think DCs need to start learning young about social skills - and learning to win and lose in a group is part of that. I suspect it is much harder for dcs to learn to cope with this if there is no attempt to teach this until they are much older.

But I have 4 dcs very close in age. It is impossible in my circumstance to fix things so each child wins all the time. They have just had to learn quite early to deal with the disappointment.

That makes it sound as if I set up competitions for them, which I don't. But they compete against each other e.g. running races and any games such as board and computer games have a winner and loser.

I do my best to teach kids that you can't always win and on the whole most are fine; I am talking about pass the parcel at parties, board games etc. I have noticed that some people do have personalities that cannot cope with losing and in children particularly it can be awful, tears and tantrums. They do have to learn but I agree with you at a school disco for such young children it is unnecessary and spoils the fun for the quiet, less showy off confident types (bad dancers!). I really hate all the drawing competitions they have at school. My daughter is nine now and certainly not a bad loser or anything like that, but her art work is not the best (though we love it!) and I cringe as they seem to have art competitions nearly every week! I JUST FEEL LIKE SAYING SOD OFF WITH THIS!

The thing about 4 year olds is usually they have a very strict sense of fair and right and wrong. When you put them in a race or play "snakes and ladders" they can see that someone won but when it comes down to getting an adult's attention and opinion there's nothing fair or right about it. It's why my daughter wants everyone to win and celebrates everyone's win. I bet if the DJ had done a competition where he set up some sort of race the kids would have loved it and no one would have complained about not winning.

Children naturally become less strict on their sense of fair and right, they don't need life lessons at 4yo, they need to be allowed to be children.

Sounds like the DJ is used to slightly older children who might need a bit of motivation to get them up and moving.

Confuddled, that's exactly what I was thinking. In a race it's obvious who came first but how is it fair to expect a 4yo to understand "I thought his dancing was better than yours"? :(