Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

not to want overnight visitors when i have a young baby

52 replies

chocolatehobnobs · 12/12/2011 18:25

My DS is a month old and DSis has not yet visited . She has 2 DD 34 months and 11 months. She lives 2 hours drive from me. She always attacks me and DH for not spending more time with my family. She views herself as a childrearing expert so I'm surprised she has not visited. The truth is that my family are difficult, especially en masse and argue a lot , DH finds them stressful. My DM suggested that I again invite my sister to visit so I phoned her to invite her offering 10 days in next 2 weeks bringing the girls. She wants to come and stay overnight midweek with her 2 girls as she feels 2 x 2 hours in the car is unreasonable for her DD. I would find a daytime visit an easier proposition so I asked her to think about it. AIBU not to want them all to stay overnight?

OP posts:

5318hoho8 · 12/12/2011 18:26

yanbu at ALL

OhTheConfusion · 12/12/2011 18:27

I took my 3dc's on a 4hr round trip last weekend to visit family and deliver christmas gifts. My youngest is 3mths and was fine!

OhTheConfusion · 12/12/2011 18:28

Ment to say... YANBU!!!

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 12/12/2011 18:30

Yanbu to not want to say but she is not being unreasonable to not want to make the trip in one day. I have four children, three if them would be totally fine one for some reason screams in he car so 4 hours in ine day would be a bit of a nightmare.

If you dont like her coming why invite her at all? She seems liek she has decided for whatever reasin to stay away so i would leave it.

CamperFan · 12/12/2011 18:32

2 x 2hr in the car, in one day, for me would be a nightmare at the moment, with DS2 (13 months). However, it is absolutely your prerogative if you don't want overnight guests when you have a small baby, especially difficult ones. YANBU - just explain you don't want an overnight visit right now, so if it's not convenient then a visit can be rearranged for when she feels able to travel that distance in a day or you feel ready for an overnight guests.

YellowDinosaur · 12/12/2011 18:34

What dirtydishes said.

I was also going to add that YANBU to want her to travel there and back in a day but let her pick the timing of the visit so that she could fit the driving in around naps

Sparklingbaubles · 12/12/2011 18:36

Travelodge/Premier Inn. I hate overnight guests and don't have a small baby.

banana87 · 12/12/2011 18:38

I personally wouldn't want to drive that far with two young children and not stay either. Do you have room for them to stay or will it be cramped?

Serenitysutton · 12/12/2011 18:40

Yanbu, of course not! I'd say if she can't do overnight you'll bring the baby to hers when you feel you can do the 4 hr round trip. Or can you meet at your parents or someone halfway ish? How about lunch in a pub halfway on Sunday in jan?

pinkyp · 12/12/2011 18:41

This is a hard one. Yanbu not wanting her to stay but yabu refusing - it's your sister and nieces!!

KD0706 · 12/12/2011 18:41

I can see both sides. I have a 19 month old and wouldn't really want to do that amount of driving for a day trip with her.

But I wonder, is the problem more that you don't want her to visit?

Sirzy · 12/12/2011 18:43

This is what hotels were invented for!!

buggyRunner · 12/12/2011 18:44

If your baby is so small would it not be easier for you to go there? Like others said I would let her do the timing- tbh I wouldnt do the drive with dd 1 2.5 yrs and dd2 5 months as dd1 would struggle sleeping for a few days after. However, if you suggest they arrive 830am and leave after they have bathed kids etc in the evening say 7pm, that could be an idea? I would also suggest a park or something for the little ones to run off some steam.

Or you could suggest going out for lunch somewhere in-between with a play area?

At the end of the day Yanbu but neither are they if they don't want to visit because of this

IneedAChristmasNickname · 12/12/2011 18:45

My DGparents live in Cornwall. When DS1 was a baby we regularly met half way between here and there for lunch (average 2 hour drive each way) and baby was always fine. But then not all children like to be in the car that long.
I think YANBU and agree she could find a travel lodge/holiday inn.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 12/12/2011 18:46

I wouldn't want to do 2x2 hours with my toddler and 9mnth old, and I think I would be slightly if close family wouldn't put us up.

Do you have a spare room, or is it going to be an upheaval? That makes a big difference IMO.

naturalbaby · 12/12/2011 18:46

yanbu. I took my 3 very young children to meet their new cousin 4hrs away. we booked accomodation and made a holiday of it. they do live in a lovley tourist hotspot which made it easier!

Sparklingbaubles · 12/12/2011 18:49

I wouldn't dream of asking to stay with someone who had a month old baby even if family. Overnight visitors are hard work.

MrsPepperpotty · 12/12/2011 18:59

Personally I think a 2 x 2 hour drive in a day with 2 LOs ranks higher on the nightmare scale than having overnight guests with a newborn. So if you want your sis and nieces to come then YAB a bit U.

Sparklingbaubles · 12/12/2011 19:01

Overnight guests. Overnight guests with small children a month after giving birth.

MrsPepperpotty · 12/12/2011 19:03

It does depend on how much space you have. If no spare room then that is different.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 12/12/2011 19:05

See this all depends on how you view overnight guests.

I like having people to stay, even when I've got a newborn, so for me this wouldn't be a problem at all.

Sparklingbaubles · 12/12/2011 19:08

Feel all antisocial now Alibaba.

Rhubarbgarden · 12/12/2011 19:09

Yanbu. Overnight guests when you have a young baby are really hard work. It's up to her really, isn't it? If she wants to visit she can visit, if she feels the drive is too far then she doesn't have to. Suggest Skyping instead?! Or hotel, as others have said?

My PIL insisted on visiting within days of dd being born. They live abroad so there was no question of them doing it in a day. But as far as I was concerned there was no question of them staying with us so soon after dd's arrival - they would have done my head in. So they stayed in a nearby hotel. They probably thought I was a being a bit unreasonable, but they were gracious enough to acknowledge that it's a new mother's prerogative to not want overnight guests at that stage.

Dozer · 12/12/2011 19:10

You are both being unreasonable.

Agree with mrspepperpot.

IMO two dc under three are harder work than one newborn and much harder to transport for 2 x 2 hours. I have DC of similar ages and am far too sleep-deprived to safely drive that length of journey in one day. Also dd2 screams constantly when in the car for over an hour.

Perhaps your sis could come for the day on a weekend and leave her Dc with her partner.

Dozer · 12/12/2011 19:12

Most of our family lives too far away not to stay so we have often had overnight guests, without much space. Having low standards of cleaning / hosting and fostering low expectations helps

Flip

1 2 3