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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have days where I don't take DD out at all??

48 replies

BackToB4Beatrice · 12/12/2011 16:33

About 2 per week/every 10 days. Normally whilst I have major housework/washing days. The other days we go for lunch, park, farm, gymnastics or shopping. She is 2.4 years.

She doesn't seem to mind, although I'm sure she would if it was all the time. Indoor days were mainly spent in the garden in the summer, but obviously now, indoors is indoors!

I only ask because my mum always seems to frown a bit at this, and I often hear an read things about making sure they go out everyday (sounds more like a dog than a person!).

Does anybody else feel a bit like they ate frowned upon for randomly staying in sometimes?

AIBU?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 12/12/2011 16:35

What are you doing all day though? A bit of fresh air and exercise daily is good for you and for your child. Being cooped up in the house all day isnt really the best thing for you both. Even if it is just a half hour walk to the shop or nearest park.

Flisspaps · 12/12/2011 16:37

I don't go out every day, which means that DD and the mindees don't go out every day. Sometimes we stay in, sometimes we go out.

Fresh air and exercise are good yes, but getting rained on, cold and miserable for the sake of it are not good. I certainly wasn't taken out every day when I was a child.

Livingwiththefamished · 12/12/2011 16:38

Oooh. I do this quite often. More than you. And I feel like a right lazy slob when I do, so I'm marking my place to see how other people view it too...!

We do do the school run though, so I get dressed at least. But then DS2 and I will hang around at home all day till pick up...

JamieComeHome · 12/12/2011 16:40

If you and your child are both happy, then what is the harm? DS2 had to go out every day at this age, DS1 did not.

TroublesomeEx · 12/12/2011 16:42

I didn't take mine out every day. They need to learn to entertain themselves and besides, there's always cutting and sticking, chalking the patio and playing with dolls and jigsaws to do.

If your DD doesn't need to go out every day (e.g. you're not tearing your hair out because she's bouncing off the walls) then of course YANBU.

mrsgboring · 12/12/2011 16:43

I always assumed the go out every day advice was mostly aimed at preserving maternal sanity. Can't see that occasional days in cause any harm at all if you and they don't get frustrated by it.

YaMaYaMa · 12/12/2011 16:45

I work 3 days a week and of my 2 days off we normally get outside on one of them and stay in on the other. This is because there are no playgroups or parks near us, I cant drive and we have no disposable income at all for activities. Sad I feel constantly guilty and like I'm letting my daughter down.

So, basically, compared to me you're doing great and shouldnt feel guilty!

Original poster
BackToB4Beatrice · 12/12/2011 16:48

Livingwith- I know, I feel like a slob too! Not sure why though, it really can't be that detrimental, the amount it happens!

Squeaky toy- um, house work, washing, bill paying etc. Me and DD will spend an hour or so reading, drawing, counting. Chuck old toys, clothes etc. It then leaves pretty much 5 days a week totally totally free, other than just general tidying up after ourselves. I think that's why I like it. I feel on top of things and happy to do whatever on the other days. I'm sure I could squeeze a walk in on these days, it's not that I'm too busy, I just don't. Do you/ did you take yours out religiously everyday then? Not being funny, literally just wondering!

I guess I just quite like it. Monday is pretty much always an indoor day, and then maybe sometimes another one, but not every week. I just feel like it's the WRONG thing to do.

OP posts:
zukiecat · 12/12/2011 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecklerNotKoch · 12/12/2011 16:56

Do you/ did you take yours out religiously everyday then?

i did, simply because if i didnt, I wouldnt have talked to a soul until OH got home that night

we used to go to the library loads, the kids loved it there

JamieComeHome · 12/12/2011 16:57

Back2 - I wonder if it's because you are adjusting to being a SAHM, and feeling that you have to justify everything you do? People who work outside the home do fart around as well.

MudAndGlitter · 12/12/2011 16:57

Thank fuck I'm not the only one!

JamieComeHome · 12/12/2011 16:59

I took mine out because I wanted the company or they needed to let off steam. Sometimes I needed to do stuff at home. Sometimes I was not feeling very well.

Aim to be "good enough"

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 12/12/2011 16:59

We don't go out every day either. I can barely walk at the moment and driving is getting harder so it's a case of going out when we absolutely have to and reserving energy for pre-school runs etc. DD survives.

Hardgoing · 12/12/2011 17:01

I used to stay in about the same amount, some days we just didn't get outside, but my dd1 loves pottering and so do I, we were never bored. My husband did (and still does) all the big days out, theme parks, even just local days out, I am more of the 'at home' person, I think it all balances out nicely.

aubergineinautumn · 12/12/2011 17:03

This is just something else to make Mums feel unecessarily guilty about.

Firawla · 12/12/2011 17:04

sometimes i do this, i never ever used to before because i found it so depressing but we used to live in small flat with hardly any sunlight and no space so me and dc would all have gone mad by the end of the day. now we have got a bit more space and sunlight i will be alright to stay at home all day for even 2 days in a row, if i feel like it so it depends a lot on your circumstances. if your dd is happy i dont see anything wrong with it. it makes it easier to get plenty of housework done anyway, when i used to be out the whole time i would get more behind on stuff

Firawla · 12/12/2011 17:06

and as for your mum just ignore!! some mums are always like this for some reason, if i stay in my mum would tell me its the wrong thing, if i go out a lot again my mum will tell me its the wrong thing, depending on her mood so just please yourself and your dd as you will never please other people

Pozzled · 12/12/2011 17:07

I think it depends a lot on the child- and the adult! DD1 and I need to get out every day or we both start to get irritable, and she's been like that since she was tiny. But if you and your DD are happy at home then why not? Sounds like you get out a lot on other days.

halcyondays · 12/12/2011 17:12

Well if she's happy pottering about the house sometimes, what's the problem?
I tend to go out nearly every day but my dds have always wanted to go out, if your dd is happy to stay at home sometimes, then seize the opportunity to get things done. That said, we don't go out every day during school holidays, but I never seem to get much more done and the day seems really long.

Most weekends we do go out somewhere, but occasionally we just can't be bothered especially if the weather is bad.

halcyondays · 12/12/2011 17:14

Yes, mine are a bit like dogs that haven't been walked if they don't get out to burn off a bit of energy! I like to get out, but I do envy people who have the sort of children that will potter about while they get on with housework sometimes, without bouncing off the walls.

Trills · 12/12/2011 17:15

I don't leave the house every day. I'm an adult. Is there some point in development that makes it so that you no longer need your daily walk?

twojumpingbeans · 12/12/2011 17:16

I work four days a week and Monday is my day at home with DD, who is 4. To be honest we rarely go out. Usually the shopping is delivered at some point, I have housework to do and I know that DD really enjoys the time to play in her pjs without dashing all over the place. We do craft, reading, baking. I love it, it's great for me too to not have to worry about doing hair, putting decent clothes on and all that nonsense! I feel she more than makes up for it with nursery, grandparents, ballet class and always seeing friends and going out and about all weekend.

I really don't feel a tiny bit bad about it, Monday is our lovely day to be at home together - nothing wrong with that! So - I wouldn't worry, a slower day is good for my DD, life isn't all running about doing activities, sometimes for us it's good to just be... Smile

Original poster
BackToB4Beatrice · 12/12/2011 17:21

Thanks for all your posts. DD is quite happy pottering around all day when we stay in. Obviously she wouldn't want to all the time. But she spends a lot of time really "playing" with her toys, doing lots of role play etc. We do some crafty stuff. We also do plenty of stuff, and can be outdoors all day in the other days.

I have never felt it is a problem for US, I just wondered why it seemed a problem for others, and whether I was missing something!

I can see how getting out would be helpful from a mental POV, but I also feel better in my self if all my "jobs" are done at the beginning of the week. I do think it's a shame that, possibly, others could feel the same as me, especially with a newborn, and are made to feel bad about it. But, hey ho! Maybe they will find this thread!

Thanks for all your opinions! I feel much better!

OP posts:
MildlyNarkyPuffin · 12/12/2011 17:21

I have always gone out every day because of the dogs. Otherwise I'd be with you.