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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have days where I don't take DD out at all??

48 replies

BackToB4Beatrice · 12/12/2011 16:33

About 2 per week/every 10 days. Normally whilst I have major housework/washing days. The other days we go for lunch, park, farm, gymnastics or shopping. She is 2.4 years.

She doesn't seem to mind, although I'm sure she would if it was all the time. Indoor days were mainly spent in the garden in the summer, but obviously now, indoors is indoors!

I only ask because my mum always seems to frown a bit at this, and I often hear an read things about making sure they go out everyday (sounds more like a dog than a person!).

Does anybody else feel a bit like they ate frowned upon for randomly staying in sometimes?

AIBU?

OP posts:

funkybuddah · 12/12/2011 17:27

staying inside now and then is perfectly normal, i hate the whole 'they must go out every day' thing.

Inside they can do allsorts of things, craft, colouring, playing reding, tv computer games normal games.

It will not harm their development on bit if they are allowed to free wheel it.

Yesterday my dd (nearly 4) refused to get dressed, she spent the day playing zelda on the wii and playing with her toys, we then watched tv .

It was a lovely calm chilled day and probably more beneficial than dragging her out somewhere that none of us wanted to be and with all the stress that goes with it.

cookingfat · 12/12/2011 17:48

We tend to go out every day, sometimes just a walk to the shop. Not if it's cold, dark and raining though. I've deliberately kept dd in today (10mo) as she had a really busy weekend and I thought she could do with some downtime. She slept all afternoon .

Chestnutx3 · 12/12/2011 17:52

when i lived in a town centre I went out nearly every day but then it was no bother just going for a 5 minute walk to a shop, see the buses/trains etc... Now I live rurally and have a large garden there are lots of days we don't go out, potter round the house, in the garden, in the greenhouse etc... At least now my toddler thinks its great to go to the town centre to a cafe for a special treat rather than a daily event. Lack of cake and coffee stops means that despite the lack of walking I have not put on weight. DC go in the garden in all weathers wrapped up unless they are ill.

molly3478 · 12/12/2011 19:05

In the summer I was out every day from 7.30am until 6pm with DD monday to Friday and it was constant activities. I do work at a nursery so would walk all the way there, then do 5 hours of acivities with DD whilst there. Then finish and we would do park, fun house, play cafe, library, round a friends, beach etc.

I would usually then hang around town to get picked up by my DH around 6pm so we would have nearly 10 hours of being out a day, but my mum still moans if I had a day in with DD on the weekend lol

5318hoho8 · 12/12/2011 19:14

open the back door and stuff the child into the garden for a bit if you CBA to get togged up for an expedition?

CurlyBoy · 12/12/2011 20:05

Don't worry. We try to get our 2yo boy out most days but sometimes it just doesn't happen. It's usually once a week or so that we stay in and play with his toys or colour or run up and down the hall or whatever. It's perfectly fun!

Haberdashery · 12/12/2011 20:23

My DD is five now so we get forced out of the house to go to school most days and the weekends are busier because there's less time to fit non-school activities into. But when she was small we often had days when we didn't leave the house at all. It was LOVELY. It's also now one of my favourite parts of the holidays. Sometimes we watch TV together under a duvet, sometimes we do craft/art activities, sometimes we read books, sometimes we just potter about not doing much at all or making cakes or eating cakes or whatever we fancy. Often all of the above. Some children do not need to be out and about doing physical things all the time. I know I hated it as a child and would have far preferred to be reading or drawing or writing stories. BTW, DD is slim, fit, healthy, doing really well at school and generally a v happy child (it's something that people who don't know her well always comment on - she is such a cheery little soul). I firmly believe that as long as both of you are happy, as many days in as you like won't do you the smallest scrap of harm.

I did actually find that most of my friends who have similarly aged DC would often say (a year or two ago) 'unless you get them out of the house every day, they go nuts' etc. But mine wasn't like that and seemed to like and thrive on the downtime. Sounds like you have a similar one, OP.

Also, if your child is happy to potter while you do housework or get on with stuff, then you have a treasure of a child and this should be strongly encouraged! It's good for them to make up their own stuff to do, IMO.

gallicgirl · 12/12/2011 21:21

DD is 10 MO and I'm still on mat leave.

We have days where we don't go out. Although it's nice to go out even for a brief walk, some days we just need to stay at home and be quiet. I find her routine gets a bit out of kilter when we go out. She's really nosy and interested in everything going on around her so doesn't sleep as much as she needs to. The days at home just give us chance to get things back on track.

I guess at 4, that quiet time isn't quite so important and just because you're at home, it doesn't mean you're not doing something constructive.

DiscoDaisy · 12/12/2011 21:25

All 5 of my DC are at school now so term time we have to go out. During the holidays and at weekends we often have days where we stay in all day. These are usually weather related but the children don't mind as they just find things to do indoors.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 12/12/2011 21:55

We tended to go out every day because I needed to, even it was only to say hello to the man in the newsagents and to stretch my legs.

If you and dd are happy to be at home for a day and she gets a bit of quality time, I don't see a problem with it. In fact, the other side of the coin is that it can be lovely. By the time our dd came along ds was at school and the poor baby was dragged out twice a day come rain or shine, come illness serious or otherwise.

Actually, if you are happy and dd is happy I would enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

quornsausages · 12/12/2011 22:00

If I've got nothing planned/ nothing urgent to do, I'll stay in with DD if it's cold or rainy. We quite enjoy doing this (and she gets plenty of time playing with her toys or reading) and feel that our time is fairly balanced.

NinkyNonker · 12/12/2011 22:02

I don't. Never really thought about it tbh.

3inABIRDsnest · 12/12/2011 22:06

We have the occasional slouchy day. We chill at home, maybe watch a dvd together, cuddle on the sofa. We had a day like that today. It's rare but I actually enjoy it - sometimes I feel I never stop. Sure in midsummer I'd feel it was a shame, but today was grim, I had no car, didn't fancy playgroup, had no shopping to do - what's the harm? My 4 year old said "I like snuggling up just mummy and me and [younger brother]". So he enjoyed it too. They're in school soon enough, then you HAVE to go out!

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 12/12/2011 22:08

I hope it's not too terrible because my DCs are screwed if so :(

Combination of DH who can't walk without being in pain, and me with depression, doesn't really lead to gallavanting every day. I am trying to pick up the slack on my days off, it's just hard to be planning bus journeys etc when I can't face anyone.

I hate it, tbh, I feel guilty a lot. Thinking how I've not done all the toddler groups and stuff, especially with DS. Like I've missed a whole stage of their life.

Tomorrow though after DS's appointment I am taking him to the pet shop to look at snakes. He's a bit obsessed :)

happybubblebrain · 12/12/2011 22:16

I think its good to stay at home sometimes. Everyone deserves a lazy day, when you can play games, catch up with things, bake, potter, watch films, read etc. I try and stay in every Sunday, it doesn't always happen but I try. Why should we be busy all the time? I feel completely frazzled when I'm always running around all over the place. We enjoy being at home and nobody will make me feel guilty about it.

FabbyChic · 12/12/2011 22:21

Is there a law to say you have to take a child out every day or even every other day, some times real life takes over, you make a rod for your own back by doing things all the time, children have to learn to use their imagination and play alone too.

senioroafdog · 12/12/2011 22:29

Yanbu it's lovely to just have calm, relaxing time around the house. I always find that I'm trying to squeeze way too much into my week; work, hobbies, socialising, tidying (occasionally ) some days I just enjoy being around the house with DD (21 mths) watching beebies and doing the washing!! In fact they are my favourite days!!

vanimal · 12/12/2011 22:37

I used to take DD1 (4) out all the time when she was younger, then not so much one DD2 (2.5) arrived. DD2 has spent much more of her first 2 years indoors.

They are both exactly the same, sometimes want to go out, and sometimes stay at home and play. It's a 50:50 mix for us at the moment, but I really don't think it's an issue worth worrying about.

I remember spending loooong summer holidays staying in/playing in the garden when I was young. My sister and I would create plays, read lots or just play outside/in the shed and make up secret adventures. I think it's good for children to be able to entertain themselves unlike my best friends DD who can't do anything alone.

FreudianSlipper · 12/12/2011 22:45

we do sometimes have a lazy day and not go out but nost days we do

may have a lazy day tomorrow i was planning on going to winter wonderland again but i am not keen on going on the big wheel when it is so windy (like we did last week)

bilblio · 12/12/2011 22:50

Ignore your Mum. If you're happy and DD is happy it's fine. I work, DH is a SAHD. He never took DD to groups, they'd go shopping, sometimes to the park, or stay home. On my days off we'd visit family & friends do practical things, or stay home. She's very happy entertaining herself at home.

I'm on maternity leave now, I go out for my own sanity once or twice a week, but generally going out involves spending money, even if it's a couple of £'s and on maternity pay I can't afford it.

We rarely went anywhere when we were kids, small village, nowhere to go to, and we were fine. I know people who go out every day, but then complain when their kids are climbing the walls when they stay in. They've never learnt how to entertain themselves.

CherryLip · 12/12/2011 22:56

Do what is right for you and your family. There is no right and wrong. Just make the most of each day because the day will come when they will leave home! DD went to Uni in September and DS will also be gone in 18 months time! You never think it's going to happen but it does!

pookamoo · 12/12/2011 23:10

It's interesting you should say this, OP. I have two DDs, 3yo and 3 months. I find that I have to get DD1 out of the house every day or she goes a bit stir crazy, and as a result, the housework and jobs generally fall behind. Just because we're not there, so I can't do it!

I'm really, really hoping it will improve as the girls get older.

Rhubarbgarden · 12/12/2011 23:44

I take 18 month old dd out every day unless one if us is ill. I think fresh air and exercise is really important, but then I'm a bit old school and this is just how I function. I had an outdoor job before I became a sahm so I go a bit nuts if I'm stuck indoors. Dd loves to be outside too, rain doesn't bother her in the slightest, she loves wearing her raincoat and splashing in puddles. I read recently that being outside is important for their pineal gland too (though I wouldn't trust my memory to explain why exactly). But if you are happy with the way you operate, then I wouldn't worry about it. We are all different.

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