to ask Father to buy new pram?

[SadieGeneration]

No contact with father for 20 years , his choice. When Iwas pregnant with ds I thought it would be nice to get in contact so found out his number and called.

He visits a few times a year. He gave me £1000 on our first meeting , when I had ds £500 and has bought small presents. No amount of money will make up for his absence while growing up but he seems to have stopped giving me money for whatever reason which did come in handy, but obviously I didn't expect it.

He did give ds £100 for his birthday although I only got a card.

Anyway in laws bought ds pram but now as expecting again will need a double. Would like a phil and teds around £500 , should I just ask outright if he would like to buy it?

He has no other family to support and tells me his savings go up every month as he has nothing to spend his money on! I'm an only child so no other children either.

I feel that the least he could do is offer financial help now, especially as when my mother left him, he never paid a penny in maintenance, so we were very poor.

I was just going to wait for him to go on about all his money then jokingly say , "well of you have that much , we could really do with a double pram!"

So aibu?!

SadieGeneration... I agree entirely about the 'odd things'. I'm quite estranged from my dad, we speak maybe once a year and he always talks about things like nuclear waste management and jet propelled engines... none of which I know much about nor have much interest in.

OMG talk about grasphing, why have another kid if you cannot afford it? Seriously get a grip and support yourself or dont have any more kids until you can.

Cow and cash?

I got a double Jane powertwin from (whispers netmums local) for £80 - what's wrong with something like that

lyingwitchinthewardrobe it's more inappropriate topics for a father and daughter , such as him mentioning my mums episiotomy and asking whether I would have one! I don't mean he is pervy but just seems to have no clue on how to chat to a daughter.

fabby I can afford another child , its not about that at all and perhaps if you read the thread properly you might have understood that. A pram is hardly the sole expenditure when it comes to supporting a family anyway.
The pram isn't a necessity , it is something I will be buying anyway it was just a question of whether I should suggest my father might buy it.

I can't see any harm in asking him next time he's 'complaining' about having nothing to spend hi;s money. Either he's feeling guilty and is bringing the subject of money up to give you the opportunity to ask- in which case what's the prob? Or he's a rude and insensitive git who just wants to show off, so who gives a flying if he gets offended?

I certainly think you're entitled to want his money. He owes you big time.

Contempt for someone and asking the v same person for expensive things don't go together imho. Of course, I would consider asking for money/contributions if I was literally desperate and had no other choice, but it doesn't seem like you are in this position.

I would keep my integrity and keep the money issue out of this particular relationship. Work on supporting your dcs relationship with their grand dad instead. But if he volunteers financial support there is nothing wrong with gratefully accepting it of course (provided it is not the way to manipulate you).

Btw, I do not think yabu to feel contempt for him if I correctly read your posts. I would have felt exactly the same I think (and have similar feelings towards the fil who behaved similarly to my dh).

I don't have contempt for him, I also don't think me accepting his money means I lose integrity one bit. I know I'm the one asking the question but maybe when he says he doesn't have anything to buy , perhaps he would be glad to buy for his grandchildren. I won't know unless I ask, I really won't feel embarrassed if he says no or be upset with him. It was just a random idea I had to answer his boasts with as usually I just laugh when he goes on.

I would hope my dd's would tell their father (if he talked about money like this) that perhaps he could pay the arrears he owed their Mother!!!

I would be dissappointed if they sat back and said nothing!

fair enough sadie, you did ask
good luck to your family!