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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I dont want to interfere but I dont know if I should do nothing.

36 replies

MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 12/12/2011 11:24

My DB and SIL have a 5mo baby boy. He is their first.

We went over to see them on Friday and SIL was upset because of the way DN is feeding. She says that he is constantly miserable and cries a lot. He is bottle fed.

Basically her mum has told her that DN doesn't need any more than 4oz milk every 4 hours, and that if he is hungry inbetween to fill him up with yoghurt or baby cereal. But what is happening when DN is hungry is that he is so upset he ends up not eating it. He then screams himself to sleep. She is very rigid about the 4 hour thing.

So I mentioned that maybe he was hungry. She said that if he was hungry he would eat the baby cereal that she had for him. I suggested offering water but apparently he refuses that.

I tried to speak to my brother, but he just told me that SIL knows what she is doing and I should keep my thoughts to myself. I know my Mum has tried to say something.

I remember having my first and having my MIL interfering in everything I did and how shite it made me feel, so I dont want her to make me feel like that. Is DN getting enough fluid. I have to add that he is a big boy so he isnt starving on it (he weighs 19lb).

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 12/12/2011 11:30

How about encouraging her to talk to the baby clinic, health visitor or GP? What you or your mum tell her is not going to trump what her own mother assures her is right. But a health professional may be better placed to say that advice has changed, and she'd be much better off doing X or Y.

MmeLindor. · 12/12/2011 11:31

Erm, not sure but isn't the current advice on weaning to wait till 6 mths?

4oz every 4 hours - so that makes 6 feeds a day. 24oz - that seems very little for a 5mth old

You do have to interfere, I am afraid, if no one else will. That poor baby, he must be so unhappy.

knittedbreast · 12/12/2011 11:32

so hes thriving? no issues stay well clear

Shmumty · 12/12/2011 11:33

Is she scared that he will get fat or something? Perhaps if she doesn't take your advice, point her to the advise on the formula packet... must say somewhere that you typically give 7 or 8oz per feed....

MmeLindor. · 12/12/2011 11:33

And agree, with MumInScotland

Do you share a health visitor or GP?

MrsRhettButler · 12/12/2011 11:35

My 3mo has 6oz every 4 hours (more or less) you cant be rigid with a baby.

It will tell you on the milk pack what the correct amount is for each age. Can you somehow point that out to her?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 12/12/2011 11:37

IIRC the side of the formula packet has rough guides on the amount of milk you should offer at certain ages. Here is the SMA list (scroll down a bit) I know it's only a rough guide, and it's on the side of the formula tin, but I did find that these amounts roughly matched up with what DS would get through in a day.

Maybe suggest offering more at each feed, if he doesn't want it then suggest that she must have been right in the first place.

MmeLindor. · 12/12/2011 11:41

That link that Jareth posted suggests 4 feeds @ 8oz

Your SIL is doing 6 feeds @ 4oz

Can you suggest that she tries to give him more in his bottle and see if he holds out for the four hours without being so unhappy.

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 12/12/2011 11:44

So the SMA guide says 5x7oz feeds per 24 hours, so 35oz a day. She's doing 8x4oz feeds, so 32oz a day.

Not too off then, but worth maybe pointing out that if he is skipping some of his bottles/meals he might not be getting enough, and that bigger or more regular feeds might be less stressful and get the same amount in him?

Did you bottlefeed? IF so I would start a conversation about how difficult you found gauging how much your baby should have and when, and you found that baby was much happier when they found their own routine?

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 12/12/2011 11:45

How have we ended up with different maths mmeL?

Seona1973 · 12/12/2011 11:48

every 4 hours is 6 feeds not 8 and 4 x 6 = 24 (not 32oz)

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 12/12/2011 11:50

Oh, yes of course - I was double counting noon and midnight. Sorry!

MmeLindor. · 12/12/2011 11:51

SIL is doing 6 feeds, is she not?

midnight

4am

8am

midday

4pm

8pm

Feeds every 4 hours.

So 6 feeds @ 4oz

She is actually daft, cause if he has more to eat he might actually go longer than the 4 hours.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 12/12/2011 11:51

When you say every 4 hours, is this at night as well or is DN expected to go through the night without a feed as well?

MmeLindor. · 12/12/2011 11:51

:) Te

You had me double counting that. Maths is NOT my strong point

OhTheConfusion · 12/12/2011 12:30

I would have a word (she say's knowing that it is easier said than done!).

I have a 3mth old dd and she is on 4 x 5oz and 2 x 6oz feeds a day. I am considering moving onto hungry baby milk in the next week or two to avoid increasing the volume of feeds.

The reccomendation is 6mths for weaning (changes all the time) but that is to start weaning, the baby shouldn't be onto yogurt so soon either.

MrsRhettButler · 12/12/2011 12:30

See, I say I do every four hours but I only do 5 feeds as we don't do the 4am one. Are we sure sil does every four hours?

OhTheConfusion · 12/12/2011 12:33

Sorry, ment to say 3 x 5oz not 4 x 5oz. so 27oz a day.

P.s. DD sleeps through the night. Feed times are (roughly) 7am (6oz) 9am (5oz) 1pm (5oz) 5pm (5oz) 9pm (6oz).

ZonkedOut · 12/12/2011 12:42

Can you suggest she gives him 6oz a few times, to see if he drinks it, and if it calls him down a bit? Every baby is different, and what worked for her DM won't necessarily work for her. Try to put it in a non-confrontational way, just as something to try.

If my baby was consistently unhappy with what I was doing, I would change things around until I found something that worked. Why not suggest this?

Also, he might not be really ready for solids, it varies, and the current advice is not to start weaning when they are hungry, because they can be too upset to eat. It should be a fun adventure in the early days, learning about food, at 5 months, he definitely shouldn't need food to make up a deficit in milk!

FabbyChic · 12/12/2011 12:59

He should be on 8oz he is not getting enough food, poor kid. Id have to say something.

valiumredhead · 12/12/2011 13:03

Well I would have to say something as I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut!

By that age ds was guzzling huge bottle AND being weaned as the guidelines 10 years ago were to wean at 16 weeks.

Deberny · 12/12/2011 13:03

Are none of you bottle feeding on demand? Shock
The 4-hour system was developed for calves.

It's a long time ago now but iirc demand-feeding and not making the baby finish the bottle is best.

Sorry that doesn't help the OP but I'm a bit worried about all this talk of ounces and timings.

valiumredhead · 12/12/2011 13:06

I used to bottle feed on demand - it was roughly every 4 hours but that could change, and if ds drained a bottle and still wanted more I would give him a few ounzes extra too.

calamityboo · 12/12/2011 13:07

poor little thing, he is defo not getting enough Xmas Sad maybe reccomend a hungry baby formula if she will not up the physical amount of milk maybe the extra calories in the hungry baby milk might help him feel fuller and settle better, and as the other posts advise point out the chart on the milk containers!

bejeezus · 12/12/2011 13:09

is baby gaining weight?

do they still see health visitor?

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