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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I dont want to interfere but I dont know if I should do nothing.

36 replies

MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 12/12/2011 11:24

My DB and SIL have a 5mo baby boy. He is their first.

We went over to see them on Friday and SIL was upset because of the way DN is feeding. She says that he is constantly miserable and cries a lot. He is bottle fed.

Basically her mum has told her that DN doesn't need any more than 4oz milk every 4 hours, and that if he is hungry inbetween to fill him up with yoghurt or baby cereal. But what is happening when DN is hungry is that he is so upset he ends up not eating it. He then screams himself to sleep. She is very rigid about the 4 hour thing.

So I mentioned that maybe he was hungry. She said that if he was hungry he would eat the baby cereal that she had for him. I suggested offering water but apparently he refuses that.

I tried to speak to my brother, but he just told me that SIL knows what she is doing and I should keep my thoughts to myself. I know my Mum has tried to say something.

I remember having my first and having my MIL interfering in everything I did and how shite it made me feel, so I dont want her to make me feel like that. Is DN getting enough fluid. I have to add that he is a big boy so he isnt starving on it (he weighs 19lb).

OP posts:

ThatVikRinA22 · 12/12/2011 13:11

id have a word with her health visitor if you cannot get through to either her or your brother. she is not giving him enough to eat, and she needs to know.

4madboys · 12/12/2011 13:17

surely they have read the packet of formula and can SEE that they are not giving him enough milk? that said my dd never took more than 5 bottles each of 4oz right up till 6mths when she was weaned, she grew fine tho, i offered her more but she wouldnt take it. my ds4 on the otherhand was downing 7-8oz bottles at that age, 4 or 5 times a day.

have to say my bottlefed babies DID fall into a routine that was roughly every four hours of their own accord, my bfed babies (first three) never had any kind of feeding routine. most bottle fed babies do fall into some kind of routine i think? at least by the age of the op's nephew, i alway just saw how they went and if htey seemed hungry earlier they got their milk earlier, or if not hungry they had it later. the baby doesnt sound happy tho, poor thing :(

Deberny · 12/12/2011 13:22

Well my ff baby did have a sort-of routine but not decided by us and it was every 3 hours, not 4 - just how he was. No pattern for number of oz I don't think, sometimes he took less and sometimes more. We always tried a bottle if he was snarky thinking it might be a growth spurt.

It's sad to think of it being decided the other way around: the baby will feed every 4 hours and will have X oz - btw I agree it sounds as though her feeding regime is off and more bottles/less goo might be good to try.

If she can't cope with the advice then is she ok?

MmeLindor. · 12/12/2011 13:38

I fed on demand, not by the hour.

I looked up the recommendations to see what a baby of that age typically drinks in a 24 hr period, and it was way above the 24oz that the baby is currently receiving.

OhTheConfusion · 12/12/2011 13:38

Deberny, as I said (roughly) every 4hrs. DD feeds when she is hungry, I could not let her go hungry nor force her to finish a feed.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 12/12/2011 14:11

Hungry baby milk doesn't have extra calories iirc, its just the type of milk is different (different proportion of casein or something)

belledechocchipcookie · 12/12/2011 14:15

It's been a long time since I've used formula (ds is 12) but isn't a 4oz feed for a newborn? He needs more then this. Your brother is passing the buck and needs to grow some.

frenchisbest · 12/12/2011 15:29

Poor little thing, my baby is 4 months and has 8oz whenever she hungry, be every 2 hours, or 6 hours as she needs.. plus a little bits of veg puree... I would never let her cry if she was hungry. After all, we are not hungry at same times everyday and dont need the same amount everytime...

KaraStarbuckThrace · 12/12/2011 15:50

Hungry baby milk does NOT contain extra calories, it is harder to digest. NHS guidelines on different types of formula.
24oz does not sound a lot, my friend's 9mo has that and she is on 3 meals a day! However it has occurred to me, could it be trapped wind? Does she seem to have trouble bringing up his wind after his feeds? That could explain the crying and refusing solids.
I really would advise your SIL to speak to her HV for some advice. At least that way you are not telling her what to do.

whoneedssleepanyway · 12/12/2011 16:14

If he has been gaining weight evenly and is 19lb which sounds a very healthy weight for a 5 month old baby it doesn't sound like you SIL is under-feeding him, although I do agree that 4oz per feed does sound on the low side. My DN who is also 6 month old and only weighs about 14lbs has 8oz 4 times a day and then normally a smaller feed dream feed so prob has about 36oz a day.

I personally wouldn't get too involved but perhaps next time you are with her and she is feeding the baby just comment that she could try increasing the feed amounts and perhaps it would mean she would have to do less feeds or something like that so not like you are criticising her.

MrsRhettButler · 12/12/2011 16:43

Deberny, it's 'roughly' here too, the timings and measurements on the milk packs are more or less what dd2 wants and will eat anyway. If she's hungry I feed her obviously. :)

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