Can I just say that I am totally sick of Posters trying to manipulate opinions by reversing AIBUS?

[QuintessentiallyFestive]

WTF is wrong with just posting your issue or sour grape as it actually is, do you bloody have to try and see it from the other persons perspective, and post outrageous OPs to manipulate heated responses out of people?

It is totally unnecessary to twist an op. It is manipulative, and people waste time seeing it from one side, then somewhere along the way the op comes back and says "actually, it is the other way around".

It does not matter whether the aibu is reversed or not, the op does not come out looking great after first looking shit, this is no greek tragedy, where you go through some catharsis, and seeing the devastating or laughably pathetic truth at the end. It is wasting posters time.

Just stop. Ok

Thus Spoke Quint.

how so?

I prefer to see an inane shoe aibu, to be honest....

Because in the reverse AIBU there is actually some unreasonableness going on.

And after all, you can't beat a bit of unreasonableness to hoist the judgy pants to

If they feel they have to - what does that say about mumsnetters (if anything)? Surely an opinion ought to be the same, regardless which 'side' of the situation the OP is on?

I dislike reverse AIBUs intensely.

You feel like a complete fuckwit for starters and secondly, the discovery of the reverse AIBU usually emerges several pages into the thread and is generally lost in the tide of high emotion that is generated by the original post.

As my grandmother used to say "tell the truth and shame the Devil".

WTF is a reverse AIBU? I am more confused than a confused thing!

Hecate: the opinion should only be the same if presented with the same facts, surely?

In the thread which I am fairly sure sparked this one off (the 5 year old/seeing dad at Christmas thread) there was a lot presented as fact which was total supposition - the feelings ascribed the the dad's wife, the fact that it was about jealousy on her part, the sitting at home and not doing anything whilst waiting for him etc etc. these can not be known as true. they are at best third party representations - chinese whispers in effect.

if the OP of that thread had posted as herself from the start, there would, I expect, have been questions asked as to why her son could not go to his dad's for the day (questions which I suspect she wanted to avoid answering) rather than blanket agreement that the dad and his wife were wrong.

It is ridiculous when posters fabricate entire scenarios and expect to garner solid advice and support.

but why feel a fuckwit?

Surely the pov should be the same regardless?

AIBU - my friend has just done X

She was reasonable

ok, well it was me

fair enough, you were reasonable.

Not she was unreasonable - ok it was me - well, in that case, you were totally reasonable.

If the opinion changes based on whether it was the OP or someone else, then people aren't giving genuine opinions and what's the point of that?

x-post frothing. Yes, you are right. I was of course assuming that the facts would be the same. If you tell a totally different story then it is reasonable to assume that responses would be different

Quint

Your not going to get to page 3 and announce actually you think they are a good thing and wanted to get a different viewpoint are you?

I was thinking that Honey. This is a reverse AIBU isn't it?

Because situations are rarely so black and white.

Have you read the thread in question? (no aggression - just curious).

It makes out the wife is jealous, and stopping her husband from seeing his son (at ex's house) for an hour on Christams day because her children are upset and missing their dad.

But none of that is actually fact - it is an opinion of what may be going on in the dad's house.

To ask AIBU? about the above scenario, posting as the wife, not the ex, is absolutely manipulative - created to get lots of 'yes, YABVU, let the dad see his son' when in fact, the situation may be more that the dad wants to see his son at his house, and not be controlled by his ex all the time.

and so, with a reveal, the opinion might shift, depending on what the actual facts of the case are.

x-posts with your last, Hecate, sorry.

I assumed you had

I see that AIBU is still doing its bit as Jeremy Kyle Corner

it really does provide an ideal environment for the worst sort of thread

I bloody hate the entire thing, and seeing threads filled with Yanbu, yabu, and all that nonsense is very surreal when you've had it hidden for ages.

It makes us look like a bunch of idiots. It's like a game show. You can't be surprised when you get stupid threads in that part of MN.

honey, NO! That would be rather hypocritical of me wouldnt it?

The problem is that the POV never does exactly reverse. Mainly because you are getting a third-party interpretation of a situation which contains all sorts of supposition that can't be verified.

I'm not saying that supposition doesn't creep into un-reversed threads on AIBU but as Frothing says, facts can be thin on the ground in these vicarious streams of consciousness.

Agree with ViviPru.

But I do wonder at the 'waste of time' comments... ... Nobody - with the exception of MNHQ - has this a j-o-b, do they? I don't believe most of what I read here.

I think people generally read all kinds of things into posts, looking at the stepmum one now some posters are railing at the OP for what they perceive is a dig at them. People are just too sensitive and should be diverted off to the 'soft platitudes board', wherever that is.

JaneBirkin... you want the SUPER-STRENGTH 'hide' button... this one >>> ...

at emphaticness of Quints NO!

When someone posted a few days ago about whether it was BU of her to expect her DH to get up for 30 minutes to do one night feed - he wanted to stop because it was making him tired - she put in all sorts of extra info about how she was feeding her DS.

As a result, rather than getting a response on whether it's reasonable to expect the father of an 6/8 week old to do one night feed - even if it means he needs to go to bed earlier stop staying up until midnight and go to bed closer to 10pm with his wife and child - she got pages of people calling her a BF martyr and telling her to change the way she feeds her child.

People have stopped actually answering the question and tend to make up their own - including the poster who had an arrangement with her DH so she did night feeds whilst he did cooking, cleaning and baby baths, and so somehow assumed that the OP should do the night feeds without any such reciprocal arrangement!

My point ^ was that I understand why people do reverse posts or hold back info.

Actually, I think I agree... reverse AIBUs are tedious, very boring to read. It's like enjoying a good book to find that the writer died in the middle and it's been ghost-written by somebody with no talent for it...

Yes. This does my head in and I think 'GRRR!' YANBU.

I would say YANBU but I am worried you are going to turn around and say that actually you love them and think they are The Way Forward for MN.