Can I just say that I am totally sick of Posters trying to manipulate opinions by reversing AIBUS?

[QuintessentiallyFestive]

WTF is wrong with just posting your issue or sour grape as it actually is, do you bloody have to try and see it from the other persons perspective, and post outrageous OPs to manipulate heated responses out of people?

It is totally unnecessary to twist an op. It is manipulative, and people waste time seeing it from one side, then somewhere along the way the op comes back and says "actually, it is the other way around".

It does not matter whether the aibu is reversed or not, the op does not come out looking great after first looking shit, this is no greek tragedy, where you go through some catharsis, and seeing the devastating or laughably pathetic truth at the end. It is wasting posters time.

Just stop. Ok

Thus Spoke Quint.

But Narky, why can't the poster just present a balanced, fair account of the situation taking into account all parties' possible agendas? As I do when I post the odd AIBU

A very passive-agressive thing to do, indeed.
Just get on with.
YANBU.

You can't truly post from somebody else's perspective though- you don't know what their motivations are.

But you're right (not you personally but you collectively) reverse AIBU only works if you only state facts and not opinions.

I did X and then I did Y and I said Z.

Fair enough, the other person did do that.

I think X and feel Y and believe Z.

No good, because you don't actually know that that's how they feel.

It's annoying, especially because on a long thread many people will only read the OP and first few posts, entirely missing the reveal half way down. Complete waste of time.

The thing is, with a reversed AIBU, we dont get the truth at all. Not as the OP actually sees it, not as the "opponent" sees it, what we get is a piece of text written to elicit as many YABUs as possible, written to stir, and tug at heart strings, often with very little semblance of truth.

Reverse AIBUs are by their nature designed to confirm the OPs view. A totally pointless exercise IMO.

On the rare occasion I've asked an AIBU, if anything, I'm genuinely trying to get a handle of the motivations of whoever is getting my goat so that I can see it from their perspective which will give me plenty of ammo to twist the situation in my favour hopefully help all parties to resolve the issue amicably

have you not get anything else to be pissed off about

really what does it matter you are still giving your opinion on a situation and that is what they want to hear others opinions

YANBU.

That thread has irritated me. We all got v v YABU with the 'OP' and then realised it was a different 'OP'. So now she's being questioned on her motives (though she'll probably never come back). So half the posts are being cross with her for being manipulative and devious and half are telling her off for BU as the first 'OP'.

? I am!

Because an unfortunate aspect of AIBU is that people try to find fault with the OP, regardless of what they've written. If she'd posted her side she'd have had pages of people telling her she should suggest Christmas Eve instead or send her DC to his father's on alternate Christmas days etc rather than actually addressing the 'ex is choosing not to upset current partner.'

what we get is a piece of text written to elicit as many YABUs as possible, written to stir, and tug at heart strings, often with very little semblance of truth.

But in a non-reverse AIBU what you get is all of that written to elicit as many YANBUs as possible.

Because very few people actually want to be told if they are being unreasonable, they are just trying to get everyone to say what they want to hear.

YANBU

I think the only way to deal with reverse AIBUs is to ignore the OP's "big reveal" and continue to address the question asked in the opening post as if it was completely reasonable.

("Of course YANBU. You're his family now and he should spend every second of christmas with his real children")

So why post such sensitive issues in Yabu, if not for the shock value? If real advice was sought, you could post in relationships....

at trying to turn the thread into whether I haven't other things to be pissed off about or not. (Possibly, but that is not the point of this thread)

YANBU! I don't like them, they confuse my poor little blonde brain :(

I don't understand what a 'reverse AIBU' is. Can someone explain in easy words ??

i think its hilarious that some posters will backtrack on what they have said, if they think the "victim" is another sex or whatever

But for me, that's what I would want from an AIBU I posted.

In most situations where you want to know if you are being unreasonable, you feel that you are in the right as it were, and want to understand the PoV of the people in your situation who are opposing you, thus become better equipped to decide on a course of action. Other posters finding fault in you as the OP is often a very helpful way to achieve this.

You just have to have the balls to hear things you might not like, take them on the chin and refute/accept them. Or not post AIBU.

MildlyNarkyPuffin - the problem with that is that it is a complete assumption that the father inquestion is now not going down on Christmas day to see his son so as not to upset his wife. We do not know that - it has been ascribed to that by the ex-wife, but it may actually be that the father has asked ot see his son at his house, with his wife and children, but the ex has refused.

It may not be so clear cut as the OP of that thread is trying to make out. Insisting that your ex comes to visit his son for only an hour on Christmas day is totally unreasonable - where is the quality time in that?

Well said vivi.

and Frothy

Agreed - they're annoying.

The posters aren't looking for help or even to find out if they're being unreasonable and we have no idea even if the way the info is presented is what the real circumstances are.

The 5yo over christmas could be her Ex being an utter twat using his new partner as an excuse to be a twat and not the other way around, but we don't know from one highly subjective post. AIBU is annoying as it is without an extra layer of bollocks on the top.

Norris It's where you feel someone is BU to you. Instead of posting from you you post from the other 'side' (the unreasonable side in your opinion).

When everyone comes back and says YABVVU you can say 'ta da! Tis me, the wronged one' and everyone slaps you on the back and sympathises.

Except people don't - they get a bit hacked off at not being given the facts upfront and begin to suspect what other porkies have been told.

Hope that's clear!

ah! How naughty!

Thank you