to whack SIL over the head with a brick and not tell her why?

[elephantsgomarching]

Around DPs parents with his siblings, partners and neices/nephews.

Talk gets around to weddings (DPs brother is getting married very soon) as it does and gets on to asian-weddings (I'm pakistani british) and how they are different etc (no one in DPs family or DP has ever been to one)

Then it got to talking about arranged marriages and views on it then trails onto forced marriages.

DPs sister then pipes up that people involved in forced marriages are weak and surely if they dont want to get married then they would stand up to their families.

I was fumming I had to get up and walk outdoors without saying anything (it is amajor raw nerve for me).

I only came back about 10mins later when DP came out.

No one in his family said anything and DPs sister gave me funny looks for the rest of the day.

AIBU to have wanted to have lashed out at her and not tell her or anyone in DPs family why?

YABU to expect people to know your personal issues (whatever they are) without explaining why to them, so you either need to explain, or have a mantra, or do what you do now and walk away.

YANBU to be utterly irritated by a person who will turn a pleasant conversation about different styles of weddings into a platform for discussing a serious issue for many... I suspect its the way she was talking rather than the subject matter? As if she'd ASKED what your take on it was out of genuine interest in a subject that is possibly part of your heritage, you could have been given the opportunity to comment calmly, and generally that its something you feel uncomfortable discussing.

If your SIL is anything like mine, she'll be full of sweeping statements that are lacking in any form of tact what-so-ever... examples being (years ago before I flicked her out of my life) "All these titles for naughty little shits, its just the parents making excuses" (said in front of my friend who's beautiful son has quite of few of these titles relating to him) "If you're browner than 'normal, then you're black and not British" (said in front of my friend who is olive skinned) and "I'm the head women in the family now aren't I?" (said AT my MIL's funeral) - these comments are always said with complete conviction and accompanied by a triumphant sniff.

Maybe I'm biased, YANBU.

I also agree with jux completely, I do think part of the healing process is down to being able to have it come up in random conversation without that conversation throwing you back into that tunnel of despair and exhaustion.