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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Christmas gifts dilema

50 replies

Alexandra88 · 10/12/2011 21:57

I'd appreciate advice on the following topic. I'm new to the forum so please forgive any mistakes I might make. I was hoping for your advice or suggestions re the following problem (there's no-one else with whom I can discuss this) - I have been with my partner for nearly 8 years now. Every Christmas his parents give me really awful presents. They are really cheap and embarrassing. One year I was given a bath product that cost £3. I know this because I'd bought the same product for myself not long before. I have always tried to give them nice gifts; gift vouchers, books, DVDs, etc - all things that were on their Christmas lists. They have more money than I have so could afford more than £3 !!
I know you don't give to receive and it's the thought that counts, I know that, I know but it doesn't stop me feeling embarrassed, upset and annoyed. I invariably have to open the gift in front of my own mother and I can see her puzzlement and I'm sure she sees my embarrassment. I wish they'd just not bother giving me anything if they're going to insult me. By contrast my own parents are very good to my partner.
I have never received a birthday gift from them, even for my 30th. I gave them presents for their 'big' birthdays. I get an e-card, if I'm lucky.
I don't want to say anything to my partner as he is very good to me and I keep trying to say to myself it's his parents, I love him and so I'll give the best I can to them but it seems to be a one way street. It's not that they don't like me, they do but....
As yet another Christmas approaches what should I do?

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 10/12/2011 22:02

Just open it, smile and thank them.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 10/12/2011 22:03

Buy them something "small but perfectly formed" - think poundshop or poundstretcher's finest. Things like those hideous lovely fibreoptic lamps they often have as prizes in amusement arcades, or china plates with kittens and puppies on them. When they open it, beam with delight and gush "As soon as I saw it I just knew I had to get it for you if you can squeeze out mum here it all adds versimilitude to the performance isn't it squeee lovely ?" and look all expectant

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 10/12/2011 22:04

Oh and your local charity shop will really appreciate whatever they give you, and it will do some good in the world

musttidyupmusttidyup · 10/12/2011 22:04

Just be pleased that your own parents are lovely . That's what I do. Don't say anything as there is nothing your do can do so suck it up and try not to let it bother you.

musttidyupmusttidyup · 10/12/2011 22:05

Dp not do

TysTheSeasonToBeJolly · 10/12/2011 22:05

I am with PomBear on this one

Tortington · 10/12/2011 22:07

yes me too, i like a tacky bath product as it happens, but not the couple of quid ones.

so anyway - im not fussed how much is spent - but there are super cheap crappy gift sets from supersaver or somewhere - not even bloody tesco.

so every year the same, last year i had an allergic reaction - im not the 'allergic reaction' type

tanfastic · 10/12/2011 22:10

What do they buy your dp or other family members? If you are being singled out with a naff gift then I can understand you being pissed off but if they are like that with everyone then just accept it. I get irked that ds only gets a card on his birthday from his grandad who he only sees once in a blue moon and his grandad is minted but I just accept he's as tight as arseholes with everyone. Doesn't stop it irritating me though.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 10/12/2011 22:10

Do you live with your partner? If so, he should be buying them presents anyway - not you! So let him buy them something, smile sweetly at whatever they give you then take it straight to the charity shop. Don't bother buying anything from you - unless it's some wine to share when you visit or some flowers as it's not worth wasting time over imho.

MatLeaveForever · 10/12/2011 22:11

Do they just give awful presents to you, or to your partner too? Maybe they just don't like spending money on presents in general? If they give nicer gifts to everyone else then you're allowed to be annoyed - maybe get them a rubbish gift this year to make yourself feel better!

Original poster

Alexandra88 · 10/12/2011 22:12

Thanks for your advice and suggestions.

The charity shop has benefitted, on more than one occasion.
I can't do the cheap and nasty gifts back thing, not in my nature.

I've 'sucked it up' for 7 years and I really am gritting my teeth every year. The embarrassment and subsequent irritation spoils my day. I want to let it go but can't!!
Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

PresentsRibbonsAndMerrySantas · 10/12/2011 22:13

you are not alone i just smile and say thankyou thats lovely, you should'nt of no really you should'nt of
the recent one is dp mum has sent an advent calender she picked up massively reduced [her words] we have 4 dc's she sent 1

Rudawakening · 10/12/2011 22:15

We are the same, one year I got bubble bath but only had a shower in the bathroom, pil knew this. I just smile and say thank you nothing to be done about it.

Original poster

Alexandra88 · 10/12/2011 22:18

Thanks.
As it happens they are quite mean with my partner too. When he bought his flat they didn't buy him a house warming gift.
We don't live together as we work in different cities.
I suppose I'm measuring them against the example of my parents who are generous. That's what I don't understand - if you're good to someone and they can afford it they should be the same back.
Maybe I just have to accept that some folk are just like that and think that at least the charity shop or the church jumble sale can benefit.
Still stings though.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 10/12/2011 22:20

You know what to expect so they are unlikely to change-smile, thank and forget.

Sillyoldelf · 10/12/2011 22:23

I could have written your post - I was in your position 5 years ago. Honestly ? I would take a step back before you start feeling resentful ( it's bound to happen ). I actually stopped buying presents for my in laws and left my DH to do it . Then whatever they gave me I gave to charity . I was far more chilled for it . I am naturally somebody that puts a lot of thought into the gifts that I give, so I found it upsetting when this wasn't reciprocated . But not now !

Original poster

Alexandra88 · 10/12/2011 22:25

Thanks Sillyoldself - I'm glad I'm not alone!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Alexandra88 · 10/12/2011 22:27

Oops, sorry SillyoldElf.

OP posts:

musttidyupmusttidyup · 10/12/2011 22:27

My pils often forget my DHs birthday and have ever asked when mine is. Sometimes the DCs get cards. It is what it is.

SJisontheway · 10/12/2011 22:27

I'd really try not to let this upset you. I get much the same off my inlaws. No birthday presents either. I can genuinely say it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Why is it so embarrassing for you. Do they buy everyone else thoughtful and extravagant gifts and save the shit for you. This might put a different slant on things if you think they are deliberately sighting you. Some people are no good at presents. I really don't think its that big a deal.

musttidyupmusttidyup · 10/12/2011 22:28

In contrast my patents are just fab so we are lucky.

musttidyupmusttidyup · 10/12/2011 22:28

parents

squeakytoy · 10/12/2011 22:29

As it happens they are quite mean with my partner too. When he bought his flat they didn't buy him a house warming gift

Nobody has ever bought us a house warming gift... never even thought about it to be honest.

If you dont live together, then really its just nice that they even think of you at all and get you a token gift. That is all you need to get them back, a box of chocolates or something.

Just because people have money doesnt mean they have to buy lavish gifts, especially for adults, and more so for adults that are not family.

SJisontheway · 10/12/2011 22:30

Sorry - cross posts. It's not personal. Try not to dwell on it.

troisgarcons · 10/12/2011 22:35

One year I was given a bath product that cost £3. I know this because I'd bought the same product for myself not long before

I wish they'd just not bother giving me anything if they're going to insult me

Well you lost me there - they buy you something you buy yourself and its 'insulting'? Rather that than something useless you'd sling out to the charity shop Jan 1st.

perhaps - and this a wild thought - they just dont do expensive in-your-face presents - and perhaps - just perhaps they arent as shallow as you and judge presnts by monetary value.

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