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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask OH's parents to turn off their unguarded open-flame gas fire when LO is there?

116 replies

TuesdaySusie · 10/12/2011 17:09

Genuinely want to know what other people would do. It makes me very nervous when LO is running around in front of it whereas they seem to think its not a problem because they say they are always in the room with her.
It only takes a second though doesn't it?

OP posts:
whackamole · 10/12/2011 20:52

It depends how big the room is. I say this because OH's grandparents have a gas fire in their living room, they do turn it off when we visit (they have the central heating on as well!) but obviously it takes a while to cool down.

HOWEVER the room is so tiny, that if they were to venture close to it they could (and are) grabbed quickly. They are nearly 3 now and we have never had any accidents.

OrmIrian · 10/12/2011 20:56

If it worries you buy them a guard and don't expect them to freeze in their own house.

moonstorm · 10/12/2011 21:00

Well, a friend's neighbour was engulphed in flames when a spark (real coal fire) caught on her dress. (The dress went up like a match before they had time to remove it from her). She was in hospital for weeks.

YANBU

You can explain to a child but you can't account for an accident.

CardyMow · 10/12/2011 21:34

The thing is - dc listening to you is VERY dependant on their personality. DD - she had to experience 'hot' once for herself, then didn't touch the radiator again. DS1 - only needed to be told 'hot' to stop touching the radiator. DS2 - was not mobile till he was more than able to totally understand, so not a problem. DS3, however. Hmm. He is 10mo, and I CANNOT turn my front room radiators on, despite the house being like a freezer. Every time I move him away, and say "NO! HOT!", he looks at me, grins, the goes BACK and touches it again. When he realises it is hot, he hits it in a temper, thus hurting his hand AGAIN. Hmm. I have done NOTHING different with DS3, yet he just does not listen, or learn.

531800000008 · 10/12/2011 21:42

oh yes, Hunty, one of mine was like that

OP, you are a bit stuck tbh

I think your DH needs to step up here and say ''fireguard must be up or sorry we shan't be asking you to babysit in your home again'' and in the meantime source alternative babysitting

MelanieWiggles · 10/12/2011 21:44

YANBU

I worked with a woman who put her hands in a fire out of curiosity when she was three. She had had several operations and skin grafts and they were still very badly scarred twenty years later. Her confidence had been affected for her whole life by the scars.

Why take the risk ?

thepeoplesprincess · 10/12/2011 21:58

I also have one like your DS3 huntycat She's 7 in March..............

I'm exhausted.

CardyMow · 10/12/2011 22:40
Nevertooearlyforcake · 10/12/2011 23:11

I would get a fireguard and insist they use it when your DC is there. I know you said they say they have one but if it hasn't shown any sign of appearing so far then forget about it and just get your own. I have recently moved into a new house with a gas stove - the door is closed but the body of the stove gets extremely hot and I was looking at fireguards today, you can get a perfectly serviceable one for £25.

My youngest DD is 2.5 and shouts and me if I go close to the fire but when I grew up everyone had open fires (rural) and everyone had fireguards. I think I was about ten before my parents got a bit more relaxed about putting it up, it's not like it restricts the heat! My parents weren't OTT about safety in general, I used to ride with my DF on the tractor, balancing on the trailer towbar or the hydraulics but they always had a fireguard!

Nevertooearlyforcake · 10/12/2011 23:13

I don't think you should expect them to turn it off btw, just that you should get and insist they use a fireguard.

newcommer · 10/12/2011 23:31

My Pils flatly refuse to use a fireguard even though I have offered to buy one for them, they consider it an insult to them that I have even asked. They still seem surprised that I never ask them to babysit.

TheSecondComing · 10/12/2011 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFrogs · 10/12/2011 23:51

When my ds was young he was a perfect child in almost every way possible. He never attempted to touch a fire, plug socket etc (though I had all the necessary precautions in place).

Dd was a monster, was into everything.

Who ended up with a harry potter type scar? Ds. He tripped and fell through a glass door whilst in ofsted registered childcare! Even the most sensible kids have accidents, not unreasonable to try and minimise the risk.

ZacharyQuack · 10/12/2011 23:55

Your OH needs to sort this out with his parents. Tell them it's not safe without a guard so he'll buy them one. If they say "Oh no, we've got one in the loft" he should say "Great, come on Dad lets get it now"

And then get it, install it and don't leave your child there unsupervised until a guard is in place.

aldiwhore · 11/12/2011 05:18

YABU... we have an open fire. The children do not run about within tripping distance of it when its lit. Its dangerous.

We do only tend to light it near bedtime though, so that we CAN be in the room at all times.... it wouldn't be practical in the day time if the adult needed a wee.

ableseawoman · 11/12/2011 05:40

I'm astounded at the responses which support/excuse unguarded fires. I grew up at a time when nearly all homes were heated by coal fires. The public service ads on tv repeatedly warned against the danger of unguarded fires.

OP YANBU. It's a pity the DH's parents don't feel their responsibility, so get your own guard, and bring it with you. I'm looking at our fireplace now - there's a guard there, and no children which need protecting right now, but that's what it's for.

ableseawoman · 11/12/2011 05:49

It's a legal requirement in the UK for all radiant heat sources to have a guard where there are children under 12 present. Try DEFRA/ROSPA.

pigletmania · 11/12/2011 08:45

I am Shock that some people on here would trust a young child to be responsible for their own safety, its madness. By all means teach them not to touch etc, but do it with the guard on! As I said I am not for mollycoddeling children, and that they have to learn, but not when it comes to fires. You cannot account for freak accidents, child tripping, or sparks flying from the fire. Its not worth risking the life of a child to prove a point.

callmemrs · 11/12/2011 09:08

While I agree that the fire should be guarded, I am rather Shock at the people who are saying 'buy a guard and MAKE your parents use it'. Erm- they are adults, you can't force them to do what you want. The choice open to you is not to force another adult to do what you say-your choice is to find another babysitter. It needn't affect any other visits when you're there too as you can remain with your dd all the time, and prevent her from going near it. But for babysitting- choose someone who has safety standards you're comfortable with

pigletmania · 11/12/2011 09:34

callmemrs if they want to babysit and have their grandson round then they have to, no choice about it. A child's safety is far more important, they would not live withthemselves if anything happened to him, and would constantly play the situation back wishing that they had used a fireguard.

pigletmania · 11/12/2011 09:36

Even with an adult there, it still needs to be guarded, refer to the ROSPA website. If not have them round to yours in the colder months, you do not compromise with a child's safety!

ableseawoman · 11/12/2011 09:37

It's a legal requirement.

Repeat as necessary.

To the PILs and other posters on this thread

pigletmania · 11/12/2011 09:40

it is able

here

www.rospa.com/faqs/detail.aspx?faq=244

pigletmania · 11/12/2011 09:40

you can be prosecuted if a child is hurt or killed as a result of an open fire not being guarded.

callmemrs · 11/12/2011 09:45

Yes, piglet. And they are reluctant to use a guard, and see no need, therefore the parents need to exercise their parental responsibility and find another babysitter. Nowhere does the op say the grandparents are pleading to babysit. It sounds as though it suits the parents to drop their dd there so they can go off and do other stuff at the weekends- but thats THEIR decision. They can always find another babysitter. As I said, it doesn't have to mean never seeing the gp's- the op can invite them round to her house, or visit with the child and stay in another room or away from the fire. I just don't think it's acceptable for any adult to believe they can force another adult to do something! Its not illegal to have an unguarded fire. Its inadvisable- but so are lots of things, eg smoking- and at the end of the day it's the parents job to decide what is acceptable to them. By all means say 'i'm afraid we're not happy to leave dd here for babysitting without a fire guard' - but be prepared for them to be quite happy with just having other visits. I assume this babysitting is day time otherwise a 2 yr old would be in bed. Its probably quite hard work looking after a 2 yr old when you're elderly- so it may be that they are quite relieved to not do babysitting !

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