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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how many days/hours your DP's work?

51 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 10/12/2011 08:48

We have a new baby and my DH is working all the hours - including Saturdays at the moment.

I know it's for the greater good but I miss him and I know he feels the same about us.

It will hopefully mean we can one day move to a bigger house, pay off debts and have some money for luxuries. We are slowly getting there but we're definitley quality time poor.

I sometimes feel envious of our friends - those with DP's who are home by 4.30pm, have flexi hours etc, but at the same time am so proud of my DH for working so hard for our future.

Just wondering how everyone elses lives stack up regarding time with DP's v long working days? And do you think time at home (with less money) is more important than working hard whilst the DC are little and it paying off in the long run?

OP posts:
penguinpenguin · 10/12/2011 08:52

My DP works shifts - 6days on/4 days off. 2 early, 2 back, 2 nights. While I really miss him on his night shifts it is lovely to have him here for his 4 days off and has meant we spend some time just us while Lo is at school (I'm a supply teacher). It also means on his back shifts he takes LO to school. He gets shift allowance which makes his salary decent. However
Big downside is he has a rubbish sleep pattern :(

molly3478 · 10/12/2011 08:52

40 at the moment but he was doing overtime before till about 45. He does 4 days and cleans on his fri off . I do 25 though so we are both home a lot together, but in the day we are both out the house and i take DD to work, pregnant with number 2 DD who will also come to work with me as DD1 is starting school in Sept.

I like my DH being at home a lot and wouldnt want him to work any weekends personally

penguinpenguin · 10/12/2011 08:53

Oh meant to add, his days in work he works 9-10 hour shifts x

troisgarcons · 10/12/2011 08:54

Out of here at 7.30, back at 8ish most nights - if the traffic is good he can be back at 7pm Mon-Fri. However, that doesnt stop the mobile calls all evening.

whenPaschagotstuckupthechimney · 10/12/2011 08:54

Probably 50-60 hours a week, over 5-6 days.

fivegomadindorset · 10/12/2011 08:55

DH doesn't go out to work. He runs our B&B business so works 7 days a week in the busy season and does maintenance on the house and the odd bit of chainsawing for someone in the winter. I work 3/4 different jobs.

CailinDana · 10/12/2011 08:56

My DH works Mon-Fri about 9-4, usually home by 5. He earns an ok salary, enough for us to own a house and me to be a SAHM. I suppose he could earn more in a more pressurised job but I don't want that for him or for me. I prefer for him to be in a job he enjoys with plenty of time off (never works weekends and has over 30 days holidays a year) than to have more money.

Emsmaman · 10/12/2011 08:57

DH is out of the house from 7:30am until anytime between 8 and 10pm, working from home or being on call some nights and weekends, and of course the ever present blackberry. I know he would like to see DD more but he worked up to a role like this for the last 10 years and you can't just switch that ambition off. I don't mind the weekdays but the weekend stuff gets in the way, for example last weekend I wanted to take DD to the pool but DH couldn't go in case he was called (which he wasn't) and I didn't want to deprive him of time with dd so we stayed home.

NinkyNonker · 10/12/2011 08:57

DH can't work from home due to the sensitive and technical nature of the work, so he normally only does 38 hrs over 4.5 days. Sometimes much more at critical points in a project, sometimes he goes away etc...he is happy to when necessary but there is no presenteeism where he works. We're very lucky he can earn a professional salary and have a good balance on the whole.

SanTEEClaus · 10/12/2011 08:57

5 days a week, leaves around 730 home between 5 and 630, depending on his lecture schedule. But then he works at night writing lectures/marking/etc.

So he helps with bed time but then I don't really see him the rest of the evening. Most weekends he's free though.

aldiwhore · 10/12/2011 08:57

We decided a long time ago that a bigger house isn't the be all and end all and unless we could afford to save comfortably, then we'd not kill ourselves trying to get there. DH works hard thats for sure, it depends on the contracts, some require him to be away for long days/periods of time. To get that work/life balance he only accepts days when the daily rate is above a certain amount.

I don't know what you can do to achieve that balance.

I strongly feel that its okay to have a small house, and that quality time especially while the children are children has more value than any big house. My parents' one regret is that they worked so hard to provide all the trimmings and by the time they had enough they turned round and we'd grown and left.

TheChristmasCountessOlenska · 10/12/2011 08:57

48 hours (includes a double shift), 2 days off a week(not weekends though!). He stays over at his work around 2 nights a week.

It's a lot more than some but I'm used to it as he has always worked long hours. It works better for us now that I'm at home with DD. When I worked full time we never saw each other!

TheChristmasCountessOlenska · 10/12/2011 09:00

Oh and he doesn't get paid a fantastic salary for that!

callmemrs · 10/12/2011 09:01

My children are older now, but when they were younger, we went for the 'both parents having a work/life balance' rather than one of us working insane hours and one being at home. Personally I believe both parents are equally important to their children, and I cant see how it benefits the kids if one parent being home full time comes at the expense of the other parent working ridiculously long hours and barely seeing the children.

As the kids got older, we've both increased our hours, mainly due to promotions and changes in actual job role. Its worked well for us.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 10/12/2011 09:02

My DH has clawed it back a bit now he's nearly 50 and only works about 11 hours a day and a few hours on a Sunday afternoon. When ds was born (17 now) he worked about 12-14 hours a day and the few years before and after dd's birth he worked all but a handful of a weekends as well.

If he hadn't built his reputation then, as a family we wouldn't have the things we have now and it wasn't something that could be deferred.

When dd was five I went back to work, part-time initially (for something to do) and after a few years full time.

I don't think you can have everything - there has to be a compromise somewhere. When the DC was small - home and dc were my job and work was DH's.

LoveInAColdClimate · 10/12/2011 09:02

Usually at least 80, often more. I am often quite lonely because of it.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/12/2011 09:03

65-70 hours, 45k salary, public sector (teacher)

hopenglory · 10/12/2011 09:05

As many as possible. He's self-employed so if there's work available, he does it

molly3478 · 10/12/2011 09:06

It depends what you want op I like being able to work myself, I dont like being on my own much and I like having all of us together. i do think its easier to balance that if you both work tbh. Also it means you dont get stuck doing boring bits at home which is always a plus Wink

Also depends on how hands on DH is my DH left a job where he had to travel as he didnt want to miss anything of DD (and subsequent DCS lives). However some men are much more job orientated.

JambalayaWarmMincePie · 10/12/2011 09:08

DP works 9-5 Monday-Friday, less than 1 mile away. Earns 'enough'.

I work too - 8.30-3pm Mon-Fri.

We're very lucky, but he's paid his dues and did shift work for a long time; no weekends together, 2-3 hour commutes, 4am get-ups in deepest Winter, late shifts meaning he wasnt home until 11pm.

TeapotAndBiscuitTin · 10/12/2011 09:09

He leaves at 6.30am and comes home between 5.30 and 6pm, 7 days a week. He doesn't take any holiday time most years.

It's lonely for me especially as I'm not working at the moment and we have no children. It does however mean that we have a house, have no debt etc, but I'd rather have at least a day off with him a week.

Hulababy · 10/12/2011 09:09

Dh is a solicitor, partner of a reasonable sized local firm.
He leaves for work just before 8am, taking dd to school en route.
He arrives home between 6:30 and 7 most days, works a bit later when he collects dd from her drama class once a week.
He works Monday to Friday. Rarely has to do weekends and if he ever does it is just a bit at home.
We are pretty lucky as his hours are reasonable and his take home pay very good.

NinkyNonker · 10/12/2011 09:09

How does he feel about his work? That is key. DH loves his, when he gets home he works on projects, designing etc for us...it is just him. He loves the balance he has and is lucky to be well paid. However I have always said that were the pressure of being sole earner to get too much for him I would step in in a heartbeat. I can't at the mo, as I'm pregnant, but otherwise that stands!

twinklytroll · 10/12/2011 09:09

Dp works from home , usually during school hours only. This means he does not earn very much and I have to work long hours, although as a teacher I can do much of it at home.

We think it is worth it so that dd almost has a full time parent.

TadlowDogIncident · 10/12/2011 09:11

He's SAHD, so as many hours as I do plus a bit. I work for a big charity and I do feel a bit guilty about not being around much in the week (basically I see DS for an hour or two before I leave in the morning on weekdays and that's it).