Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to want him to touch my clitoris

56 replies

sleeplessinseatle · 09/12/2011 23:42

He doesnt. Just doesnt. I know this is a ridiculous thing to say, but looking back on 10 years together he never has really.

How the hell do I fix this without it seeming like I'm being critical and unappreciative and in a way that makes him take notice. I'd really like to improve things for me because I can't remember when he last gave me an orgasm for us

OP posts:

tethersjinglebellend · 10/12/2011 00:41

Arf at 'hearing aids'

buzzswellington · 10/12/2011 00:43

Well, that's me chastened.

Do try Glittery's suggestions, and do try Calamity's one too. And if none of that works, have an honest conversation with him about it, possibly with counselling services involved. Sometimes we stop talking openly with our partners, and that's as damaging as a crappy sexlife - but talking can fix it and the hurt you think you'll inflict isn't actually as relationship-killing as we imagine.

Spuddybean · 10/12/2011 00:45

i must say i love all these tell/show your man how you masturbate advices - i have been with quite a few men and none of them have been happy with this approach. They have always felt it was a way of criticising them (fragile ego etc).

The better way i have found is (sadly) to pretend it was a new discovery of sorts.

molly3478 · 10/12/2011 01:02

I have never met a man that doesnt like it when you ride his cock and play with your clit ever.

Spuddybean · 10/12/2011 01:06

molly i have been on top with some guys and touched my clit and they have pushed my hand away either saying 'that's my job' or 'am i not enough'!

buzzswellington · 10/12/2011 01:08

Don't ever underestimate the amount of arse-holes there are out there, .

PigletJohn · 10/12/2011 01:09

is the problem that you find it difficult to tell him?

Are you able to say "ooh, that's nice... bit higher....yes,not so hard..." or something like that?

Or is the problem that when you tell him he doesn't learn?

Maybe he tried once and got told off for doing it wrong.

madasa · 10/12/2011 09:40

Maybe he thinks clitoris is a Greek Island....

Flisspaps · 10/12/2011 09:46

CadetDevilCat At least one of the women on that thread confirmed (after peeing in the bath, over a mirror I believe, after much cajoling and encouragement from others on the thread) that urine did in fact come from her vagina as her urethra was rather unusually positioned.

Definitely agree with your other advice though - if he can see you touching it, he might want to touch it himself.

Or stick a big DO NOT TOUCH sign over it - no-one can resist messing with something that they're ordered not to touch.

perplexedpirate · 10/12/2011 09:47

Well I have no advice but I wanted to congratulation you on an aibu title you just can't not click on. :)

Original poster

sleeplessinseatle · 11/12/2011 22:04

Pigletjohn
'Or is the problem that when you tell him he doesn't learn?' Yes. Because last night, me on top, obviously enjoying it, he still swapped us to him on top. I thought 'right, I will stay silent'. Don't want to send the wrong signals, he'll soon work out this isnt as good for me... but no.

On a related topic, is it usual for your man to stop straight after he comes? Previous partners didn't, and would carry on to hopefully see me through to my pleasurable end. Now were they unusual and especially good, or is DP unusual and especially inconsiderate? Been with him 10 years so have no idea what's normal any more. Or if I am just imagining ex's with rose tinted glasses.

OP posts:

JackMatthias · 12/12/2011 10:31

Had to 'click on the clit' thread, didn't I?

Some men find it uncomfortable to carry on regardless after they've shot their load; you bloke may be one of them.

But, to the subject matter of your OP: speaking from my limited experience of such matters (since, even though I'm quite up for it, my DW won't let me anywhere near hers even with gardening gloves on!) how, er, trim is your, er, undercarriage? I don't mean shaved or anything like that, but a man needs to see his way clear to his objective, if you get my meaning; there's nothing worse IME than a stray hair (or ten) coming between a tongue and a clitoris.

I'm sure there's more to it than that, but just a thought that that might just be a factor...

OK, I've said waaaay too much here (ducks down behind a rock to take cover!).

DoesNotGiveAFig · 12/12/2011 10:41

Ooo dear OP, maybe try the "joy of sex" together? Bit of video action like"sex, how to do everything" (the anal episode I did find extremely amusing though!) Might help him see his errors without you pointing them out? You don't want to make it harder (snigger) for him to enjoy sexy times by openly saying "look love, you're a bit pants in bed."

DoesNotGiveAFig · 12/12/2011 10:42

And Jack that's a great point about pruning: I only started to after a boyfriend suggested it, it was wild and free before then! I find sex much better with less hair.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 12/12/2011 10:43

If he can't continue after finishing, there's nothing stopping a hand job for you, my DH always obliges if he's done before me.

entropyglitter · 12/12/2011 10:49

tethersend have just wet self somewhat after reading 'sit on his face'

I have to go and lecture now...I hate/love you!

daveywarbeck · 12/12/2011 10:50

Because last night, me on top, obviously enjoying it, he still swapped us to him on top. I thought 'right, I will stay silent'.

Why didn't you tell him you wanted to continue as you were? Is he very very vanilla - lights off, nightie up, strictly missionary?

DoesNotGiveAFig · 12/12/2011 11:29

arf @ nightie up

knittedbreast · 12/12/2011 12:21

ive never thought to touch my clit while having sex, ever. thats where im going wrong!

dont u get embarrased touching yourself in front of your dp?

i think id die

DoesNotGiveAFig · 12/12/2011 12:23

Why would you be embarrassed?! He'll likely love to see you doing it.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 12/12/2011 12:23

Or she

knittedbreast · 12/12/2011 12:26

he! definatly! im sure he woild but i couldnt bring myself too.

its a bugger cos i think it might improve things if i touched myself there while we had sex.
i couldnt just start all that now, weve known each other to llong for that

daveywarbeck · 12/12/2011 12:29

i couldnt just start all that now, weve known each other to llong for that

That is terribly sad, I think. How can you have known your partner too long to do something enjoyable together?

knittedbreast · 12/12/2011 12:33

hes my bestfriend, but we dont really have sex. we do enjoyable things together, walks etc...

i dont equate sex and love, because i love him i cant shag him and really enjoy it. However i would have no qualms about an open relationship where I could have good sex with someone else (although since baby no2 i look better with clothes on lol)

ce le vie

knittedbreast · 12/12/2011 12:34

its c`est le vie isnt it? doh

Flip

1 2 3