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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think InterFlora delivery people shouldn't pass comment

42 replies

KurriKurri · 09/12/2011 15:38

on the flowers they are delivering?

This morning my SIL sent me flowers, I opened the door to a grinning delivery man who said 'Oooh lucky you, is it your birthday?'

Um no, my Dad died, they are 'thinking of you' flowers'.

Now he was embarrassed and apologised profusely, and there was absolutely no malicious intent, and I can smile about his faux pas. But if the folk delivering flowers to my mum last week had all made chirpy remarks like that, she'd have been a bit upset.

Or am I being over sensitive because of the circumstances?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 09/12/2011 15:40

You are being over sensitive and he apologised. Totally understandable given the circumstances though. Sorry for your loss x

DoesNotGiveAFig · 09/12/2011 15:40

I'm so sorry for your loss Sad

I think you are being a little over sensitive though.

NatashaBee · 09/12/2011 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redwineformethanks · 09/12/2011 15:41

I'd say you're being a bit sensitive due to the circumstances, but that's understandable. Similar thing happened to me once. I'm sure he was very embarrassed. Sorry for your loss.

AFuckingFestiveKnackeredWoman · 09/12/2011 15:41

He was trying to be nice...

FunnysInTheGarden · 09/12/2011 15:44

you are being over sensitive. This happened to me when I had about 8 bouquets after my first MMC. The delivery man said 'oh is is someones birthday' and we had to say 'uh,no'. I actually felt very sorry for the poor lad as he looked mortified.

AvadventKalendar · 09/12/2011 15:45

YANBU. As NatashaBee says they don't just deliver celebratory flowers so they shouldn't really comment on the offchance of upsetting somebody.

Very sorry to hear you've lost your Dad Sad

TidyDancer · 09/12/2011 15:47

Yes, you are being oversensitive. Massively so. But it's understandable.

As someone who has also very recently suffered the loss of their father, you have my greatest sympathy. You don't always think straight at times like this, and are hyper sensitive to any comments.

I'm sorry for your loss.

bemybebe · 09/12/2011 15:47

The delivery guy was unprofessional. He may have "tried to be nice" etc, but it does not take away from the fact that he did not do his job well.

You are not being over sensitive at all. I am very sorry for your loss Sad.

eurochick · 09/12/2011 15:48

I suspect with the exception of specific funeral flowers (which they know are funeral flowers because they are to be delivered to a funeral parlour or similar) the majority of deliveries are for celebratory or congratulatory reasons so I think it was not unreasonable of him. But it is completely understandable that you are upset. I'm sorry for your loss.

HMTheQueen · 09/12/2011 15:54

I had similar - when MIL had flowers delivered for my first anniversary (DH died 3 days after we were married) I had a comment about birthdays and when I said no - anniversary - I was told that obviously my husband was agreat guy and I should treat him tonight.

I wish :(

Original poster
KurriKurri · 09/12/2011 16:01

Oh HMTheQueen - I'm so sorry Sad

and TidyDancer - so sorry you have recently lost your Dad too Sad

I accept I may be being over sensitive, - I'm not really thinking straight at all at the moment, - but flowers often get delivered for unhappy occasions don't they? - not just deaths, but illness or memorial occasions.

OP posts:
HughBastard · 09/12/2011 16:11

Actually I don't think you are being over-sensitive at all OP. Your OP is quite mild and measured, and I think you make a very good point.

Every time I order flowers for someone I am asked to specify the occasion, so they have the technology to know. There are plenty of sad reasons to send flowers. He was unprofessional. Flowers are bloody expensive, and if I have spent £30+ on conveying a specific message through the medium of flowers I would be annoyed to think that some wally delivery guy might inadvertently make that person's day that little bit more difficult.

philmassive · 09/12/2011 16:13

Oh Kurri. I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. I have followed you all and I know he has had problems. I'm so sorry.

Yanbu, by the way.

bonkersLFDT20 · 09/12/2011 16:19

I don't think you are being over sensitive at all. Unless flowers are clearly for a celebration (baby balloon, or inflatable champagne bottle attached) then they should not make assumptions.

I agree with hugh

I am very sorry for your loss OP.

starfishmummy · 09/12/2011 16:20

Well the delivery guy may have made a faux pas, but the polite thing would have been just to have been non comnmital -(agreeing they were lovely flowers) rather than making him uncomfortable.

dottygirl1 · 09/12/2011 16:21

Kurri,

I am so so sorry for your loss. Having had a berevement recently too i would have been upset. I think when a person is dealing with grief, it is a given that they will feel super sensitive to most things.

Very sad time for you and your family.

TidyDancer · 09/12/2011 16:21

Thank you Kurri. Tis is a shit time isn't it?

You're right, flowers do get delivered for different occasions, but with something like this, if you weren't 'clouded' by your emotions (which are completely understandable), the assumption would be that the delivery guy was just being nice and making conversation.

People have said a lot of things to me that probably sound right in their heads, but hit a nerve or two with me and it does sting, but you have to appreciate they're not intentionally upsetting.

Be kind to yourself. :)

bemybebe · 09/12/2011 16:23

"but the polite thing would have been just to have been non comnmital -(agreeing they were lovely flowers) rather than making him uncomfortable."

Fuck that. If I was running the business and learned about this exchange this chap would warned the first time and fired the second time he done it.

spartafc · 09/12/2011 16:26

I took in a couple of bouquets over 2 or 3 days, for a neighbour who had lost a parent. The delivery bloke made a similar comment to the one made to the OP on the second delivery. I think I just made general noises of agreement. But I did wonder how my neighbour would have felt if something had been said to her. I also had flowers sent to me following a miscarriage, presented by a beaming delivery lady with 'aren't they lovely. Enjoy your day'. She wasn't to know. It probably is best for people delivering flowers to say as little as possible!

Original poster
KurriKurri · 09/12/2011 16:32

Thanks all, - and hello to Phil - hope you are keeping well Smile

regarding 'the polite thing to do would be to be non committal', - I may be didn't make it clear, I didn't say 'my dad died' as starkly as that - that was just how I was feeling inside. I actually was quite thrown when he said it, and I'm utterly hopeless at doing the polite lying thing, - I get flustered.

What I actually said was 'um oh no, - there's been a death in the family' he said he was sorry etc, and I said 'It's OK, you weren't to know, I'm sure the flowers are lovely'. So reasonably polite I think.

I wasn't deliberately trying to make him feel uncomfortable, but he'd created an uncomfortable situation.

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 09/12/2011 16:40

starfishmummy You what?! Why in the name of fuck should SHE be worried about making HIM feel uncomfortable?! She's the grieving customer ffs!

difficulttimes · 09/12/2011 16:51

Hmmm I see your point

If I worked in that area I would keep schtum just incase.

lottiegb · 09/12/2011 17:03

This is a professional error, not a personal one, the person was representing the company - which does deliver flowers for a number of reasons, so should know better. He was trying to add a 'personal touch' and got it wrong. I'd probably rather they went for a non-committal 'pleasant but dignified' approach, rather than asserting anything, as, if they did know, I wouldn't really want a 'sorry for your loss' from the delivery person, it's one more emotion to respond to when you'd rather not.

lottiegb · 09/12/2011 17:12

So I think your heading is exactly right and would be a point worth making to Interflora - in a general way, rather than drawing attention to this delivery person.

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