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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be in awe of WOHM???

80 replies

SnakePlisskensMum · 08/12/2011 18:24

Don't want this to be patronising or creepy creepy but how the hell do you do it???

I had a great career for years, high powered, highly paid, long hours. I always said that if I was lucky enough to have kids I would want to stay at home with them until they went to school (circumstances permitting). I was lucky enough to do this and loved it but as my youngest has just started school and DH's job is now not that secure I decided that it was time for me to contribute to the family funds. I retrained in an area recently which means I have a 'trade' and I have set up my own business which is only just starting out but growing quickly.
I cannot believe how stressed I am! I am highly organised but I am so used to being able to do stuff in my own good time. Now there's deadlines to meet, clients to see and I can't seem to fit in all the other stuff I used to do. DH does his fair share too and is brilliant with the kids.
I am now in awe of people that have to/choose to work whilst having young DC. My mate was left a single parent when her DH left her and she did it all alone, working from when her DS was 6 months old. I have the utmost respect for her.
As I said, I'm not patronising, just really, really admiring and I admit it, naive!

OP posts:
smokinaces · 08/12/2011 19:42

I'll say thank you too Grin

It takes military organisation. I'm a single mum of 2 (5.5 and nearly 4) and work 4 days a week. Its bloody hard, it takes a lot of organising to get us all out the house at 7.40am and to make sure nothing is forgotten. Add to the work, house, parenting I now have spellings/reading/homework stuff to do. Some days I live for my weekend, just to slow down a wee bit (though now have football club and everything else on too)

But I luckily love my job. and my kids. Ok my house is a little shabby, and my clothes sometimes need a bit of an iron, but we get there!!

thebigkahuna · 08/12/2011 19:43

I have to say, I'm a bit Hmm at full time WOHM who have partners and have to fit in all the housework by themselves.

AmIthatbad · 08/12/2011 19:44

SnakePlisskensMum I'm another one who'll take the compliment. I work FT, am on my own with no partner, have a DD with SN.

It's hard. But my house is a shithole bit untidy. And I don't have much of a social life.

And a good employer that knows if I need to work at home sometimes, I'll do double the work I would normally do. I couldn't pay the mortgage and bills without my job, so it is an art in itself, trying to balance being a professional person and being a good mum.

DD is at school, but due to her SN, she can't be independent so needs after school care - and holidays, in-service days, etc need to be planned in advance.

And then we get days like today, when schools were closing early due to the weather. Luckily my boss let me take work home, which I am just away to finish once I get off MN Xmas Smile

molly3478 · 08/12/2011 19:46

Nah housework is the easiest bit trying doing all the childcare and working at same time. Thats what I call stressful Grin

thebigkahuna · 08/12/2011 19:47

Oh, that wasn't a compliment - it was a 'why the fuck doesn't you partner do some housework too?" face.

molly3478 · 08/12/2011 19:51

I am just jokingcause I have been working with my child since she was 4 months. We have worked in 2 different employments together she is like a colleague lol

007alert · 08/12/2011 20:01

I'll take it as a compliment too. I work full time, rigid hours in a high pressure job. I'm a single mum with 9, 7 and 5 year olds. I have no family within a 5 hour drive. I cope by using pre and after school care, lots of lists and internet shopping and doing the washing at silly times of the night! (no cleaner or nanny here - xh left leaving me with massive debts and huge mortgage so although I'm well-paid, it's almost all accounted for).

It is blooming hard work, and relentless keeping all the balls in the air. But I do love my job, my kids love their school and we all love our weekends (and I get school holidays which helps enormously).

My worst nightmare is when one child wakes up in the morning with a sore tummy...

RushyBay · 08/12/2011 20:05

I'm a single mother of a 2 year old, working 3 days a week.

Ex has DS 1 day, he goes to nursery 2 days. I love the days I spend with DS. I love my job. It's my dream job. I feel so lucky to have been able to get this balance.

But this evening I came home to a tearful DS, and the nursery reported he'd been tearful all day. It's been a busy week, and I knew when I dropped him off this morning that he just didn't want to go today. I read the note from nursery as I was nursing him and wiping his teary face and I just wept.

Even though I know intellectually that it's good for him to have a happy and fulfilled mummy, I know deep down that he'd rather just be with me and his daddy, for me not to go to work, and for me and Ex to still live together. It makes me ache.

wideawakenurse · 08/12/2011 20:09

I laughed at barbie's comment that all WOHM must have cleaners/au pairs!

Yep, its bloody hard work. Not only is it a challenge to get all the household stuff under control but for me the biggest challenge has been around trying to keep my credibility at work.

I work in a job where working late is the norm, and leaving on time is often frowned on in terms of letting colleagues down. Also I have not family support so between DH and I we have to take carers leave when DS is ill. My commute is an hour each way, and so at the end of the day I am shattered.

OLizzylouofBethlehem · 08/12/2011 20:12

I went back to work FT in April. I have found it extremely stressful thus far.
My boys are 5 and 7.
My house is a tip (though I have just studied for and sat an exam), DH is a great support and PILs are 40 mins away.
It takes great organisation to work.
Unfortunately, whilst I have always been v good at my job organising stuff has always been my weakest card.
There is internet shopping and also, if you're not in the house much, it can't get too dirty, right? Xmas Smile

I am in awe of lots of people for lots of different reasons. Me? I just muddle through with a constant nagging that I am not doing the best by anyone.

heroinahalfshell · 08/12/2011 20:13

I was working when DS was 2 days old.... I'm a barrister.

I have no pride whatsoever in this and if I have another I'll be taking proper time off. It was crazy. I felt under horrible pressure from others and regret it.

Only way I've managed is DH is a SAHD (kind off).

kickingking · 08/12/2011 20:25

WOHMs all have a nanny and a cleaner? I must have missed that newsflash, I don't have either of those things. Hmm

I use breakfast club and after school club and before that, nursery. DH and I clean our own house sometimes-

You're right OP, working and looking after child is hard. I had no idea how relentless and pressurised it all is before I did it.

heroinahalfshell · 08/12/2011 20:25

kind of*

heroinahalfshell · 08/12/2011 20:26

oh and I pay my mum to clean our house

OLizzylouofBethlehem · 08/12/2011 20:27

No Nanny and cleaner here either.
Though afterschool club is used well and a cleaner is on my wishlist.

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 08/12/2011 20:30

I'd rather be a lone parent than put up with some of the DPs featured on MN.

RedHotSanta · 08/12/2011 20:39

I sometimes think you need a degree in logistics to be a WOHM.
It's not easier or harder in my view than being a SAHM, but it needs a HELL of a lot of planning and organisations. My house is covered with post-its! Grin

leftmymistletoeatthedoor · 08/12/2011 20:39

God yes I admire wohm mum too but probably not as much as single mums BUT a lot depends on how much support you have around you. I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and am a sahm. I find it so hard to fit everything in. If I had family support nearby itd make a huge difference and I mightve gone back to work. Who knows?

lulurose · 08/12/2011 20:43

cleaner, ironing sent out, online supermarket shop, lists, a supportive dh, got rid of pets :( slow cooker, meal planning, laying out clothes, dinner money, letters etc night before, accepting that I won't sit down before 9pm. YANBU

sweetsantababy · 08/12/2011 20:43

Back handed dig at SAHM now you've swapped sides.Hmm

RedHotSanta · 08/12/2011 20:44

Oh and PMSL at all WOHM having a cleaner!

Before I was a WOHM I used to think it would be harder than it actually is. You just get into a flow, and turn into crazy focussed list woman. The only real problem is winding down (if there's time!).

Also agree that family support makes a huge difference (not something I've had until very recently) as well as type of job, workload, hours, expectations etc.

lulurose · 08/12/2011 20:45

and I work a 4 day week but teach so get holidays with kids

WidowWadman · 08/12/2011 21:08

wideawakenurse I could have written that

drcrab · 08/12/2011 21:11

Thank you! I'm a wohm with a 3.10 year old DS and 14 month old DD. Both in nursery full time (double my mortgage...) and a dh who until recently would return home at 7.30-8 every night and leave the house at 7.45 in the morning.

Organized is the word. I am super organized but get thwarted by children who don't go to bed or sleep through the night!!Sad

Oh no parents or pils near by either (13 hr flight/6 hr drive).

Xenia · 08/12/2011 21:11

It's hard work at home with 3 chidlrenunder 4. I don't think it was harder for me to be back at work after 2 weeks holiday in which to have the babies than if I were home 24/7 with the three first ones.

There's a bit about success etc on this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1357160-Shocking-stunning-horrifying-unmissable-Guardian-report-on-female-invisibility and why some people, male or female, seem to do better than others.