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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be in awe of WOHM???

80 replies

SnakePlisskensMum · 08/12/2011 18:24

Don't want this to be patronising or creepy creepy but how the hell do you do it???

I had a great career for years, high powered, highly paid, long hours. I always said that if I was lucky enough to have kids I would want to stay at home with them until they went to school (circumstances permitting). I was lucky enough to do this and loved it but as my youngest has just started school and DH's job is now not that secure I decided that it was time for me to contribute to the family funds. I retrained in an area recently which means I have a 'trade' and I have set up my own business which is only just starting out but growing quickly.
I cannot believe how stressed I am! I am highly organised but I am so used to being able to do stuff in my own good time. Now there's deadlines to meet, clients to see and I can't seem to fit in all the other stuff I used to do. DH does his fair share too and is brilliant with the kids.
I am now in awe of people that have to/choose to work whilst having young DC. My mate was left a single parent when her DH left her and she did it all alone, working from when her DS was 6 months old. I have the utmost respect for her.
As I said, I'm not patronising, just really, really admiring and I admit it, naive!

OP posts:

Original poster

SnakePlisskensMum · 08/12/2011 18:59

YaMaYaMa - thank you. It was truely meant as one although you can't ever please some people.
My DH works long hours so although at the weekends he's brilliant, it falls to me mostly in the week. So, yes I get support from him. I honestly do not know what I'd do without him. Just get on with it I suppose

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 08/12/2011 19:00

thanks . house like a hovel too. No maid unfortunately. But I am training DD well enough .

I am actually very proud of being a WOHM. I have no issues with it. It does not detract from SAHM, don't see why those people should feel marginalised or that they are not being valued by this thread, this is not a thread about SAHM, it is a thread about WOHM. we should not always be made to feel bad. And I don't.

So thanks OP for recognising the very very hard work I put into caring for my family my way

YaMaYaMa · 08/12/2011 19:00

You shouldve posted 'aibu to think wohm's houses must be shit tips'. Same people wouldve been contrary then too

bigkidsdidit · 08/12/2011 19:02

I'm not displeased :) I'm just saying - individual circumstances are all.
My life is quite easy really. A SAHM with one baby and loads of family nearby might be ok too. A WOHM with a crappy or no DH or more children might be hard.

But I know what you mean about organising! I have a to do list of to do list

thebigkahuna · 08/12/2011 19:02

Oh god, I hope this thread doesn't go horribly wrong.

Wondering if someone is alerting ScottishMummy on the batphone as I type..

Pantofino · 08/12/2011 19:06

"she has four children, the same husband as always, lives in a very smart apartment building and does all the right things; oh, and has all-day maid coverage (two full timers) and an au pair.

It was a bit of a let down to discover she lives in a hovel (albeit a large one). But I suppose something has to give"

She needs to rethink her household help! I have a reasonably large house - certainly by my standards and my cleaner seems to manage that perfectly well.

molly3478 · 08/12/2011 19:06

I did it all myself I do the childcare and work out of the home without outside help from childminder/cleaner/nanny etc

My mum helps now for pre school but will go back to doing it all myself in feb. I do it by having one kid at a time under preschool age. Started young so I can fit more kids in etc. It has had very stressful moments but also loads of really good ones. I cant really sit still anyway so am always doing 10 thinsg at once!

WowOoo · 08/12/2011 19:08

Thanks. You have made my day! We have no family support and it was so tough when I first got back to work.
Something slips every day, but there's usually plenty of food, worst areas are mostly clean and tidy and we are often knackered. But isn't that just everyone really.
I love you. Not really, but you know what I mean.

DonInKillerHeels · 08/12/2011 19:08

One child.

Seriously, though, bigkids are you me?

LiesDamnLiesandStatistics · 08/12/2011 19:09

Working full time, single mum, demanding well paid job, no cleaner, no nanny or au-pair. Did have a childminder for DD before she went to high school, now have no need.

ALL of us do what we need to do and it's all relative. When you've never known any different, (DDs "father" sodded off when I was pregnant and I haven't seen him since) it doesn't feel like hard work and working for a living is not something anyone should be in awe of. I feel very lucky to have a fabulous DD, to be able to do a job that pays very well and indeed to have the independence that being single gives me.

ithaka · 08/12/2011 19:11

I will take the compliment! Thank you, thank you (bows to accept applause).

Yup, it can feel like running very hard to stand still at times, but we need the cash so what's a girl to do? I don't have a cleaner or a nanny either. I do have a house like a shit tip and a fab support network of friends . Also a super lovely husband. But still, keeps me busy, but I enjoy my life.

scottishmummy · 08/12/2011 19:12

i aways planned ft work and family
yes its hard but satisfying to raise family and work
planning,organisation,and lists,lists,lists
but i wouldnt have it any other way.i had all this planned.housewife was never an option for me

essentially,plan,make lists,internet as much as poss.and at home switch off from work,slip into parent mode

bigkidsdidit · 08/12/2011 19:13

Don't know Don are you in Liverpool at a wee break conference? With a nice wine and a burger?

DonInKillerHeels · 08/12/2011 19:16

Sounds nice bigkids - that was me two weeks ago!

nulgirl · 08/12/2011 19:17

Well can I accept all your plaudits :). I am a single mum at the moment with a new full time high pressure job and a 3 year old and a 5 year old. I cope by having a fab family, wonderful friends and a lovely childminder. Between them, they cover my childcare. What they don't do is the morning and evening stuff or any of my shopping/ housework.

I cope by being organised and never feeling sorry for myself. I feel very lucky- I have 2 gorgeous children and I love my job. I am proud that I am doing all this by myself and keeping things going (albeit my upstairs carpets are in dire need of a hoover)

Self - congratulatory post over.

Pantofino · 08/12/2011 19:18

sm- you are so right about the lists! Dd "stole" one of my bits of paper...all manner of stuff was forgotten!

cocoachanneloffestivecheer · 08/12/2011 19:18

I too will take the compliment- thank you. It's bloody hard working FT and having a baby, but lists, organisation and fantastic support at home and in the office make it possible. Being able to work remotely helps too. It means I can get home about 5.30pm, put DD to bed and then get another of couple of hours done. I'm trying to implement a 'no weekend work' rule, but that's not going so well...!

scottishmummy · 08/12/2011 19:20

lists,and compartmentalisation really help!
i get home,change out work clothes
a lost list ouch thats got to irk

PointyLittleDonkeyEars · 08/12/2011 19:22

I am in awe of SAHMs and single parents of all descriptions, and I feel that WOH actually makes my life easier. It means I really appreciate both my work and the DCs. DH and I have always had to work, neither of has the kind of job that allows the other to stay home. I think a lot of it is about having sensible expectations for your life.

For instance: We have a comfortable (if modest) house which is a tip which is a bit untidy but never not clean, enough food to eat, clothes to wear, can afford for the DDs to go on school trips and so on.

We get books from charity shops, don't buy expensive clothes and don't expect foreign holidays, second cars, gadgets and other irrelevant stuff. The best days we have are often ones we spend in our garden doing really very little.Winning the Lottery would be nice, but our life is pretty good as it is.

nulgirl · 08/12/2011 19:26

I also think that it makes you appreciate the important things in life. Half the threads on here make me realise that some people really have too much time on their hands. All this taking offence about petty crap and worrying about really insignificant things. Me and the kids are happy and healthy. I really don't sweat the small stuff.

scottishmummy · 08/12/2011 19:35

so long as no one says mum ardest job in the world
that dripping cliche is a quip too far

dementedma · 08/12/2011 19:35

I'll take the compliment too. Have been a SAHM, part-time worker, self-employed and now fulltime WOHM and they are all hard in different ways. when the 3 DCs were younger I had one in nursery, one in primary (in one county - we are right on the border) and one in secondary in another county. I really don't know how I managed it and held down a full time job. Most of the working mums I know don't have cleaners,nannies or au pairs.We do the laundry before and after work, the shopping at lunchtimes and weekends, the ironing after work, and the housework as and when we can and its feckin hard work. My house is not a tip, my kids eat home cooked meals and I work fulltime, 8am to 6pm 5 days a week.
Bear in mind that I have been a SAHM so don't flame me when i say that being a WOHM is harder logistically.

PatTheHammer · 08/12/2011 19:36

nulgirl-funny its also my upstairs carpets that suffer from severe neglect. School holidays only or when my mum comes to visit!

PatTheHammer · 08/12/2011 19:39

demented- I know exactly what you mean about fitting laundry, shopping etc before and after work. Its a hassle hanging out a load at 7am or popping to sainsburys at 8pm, but it wouldn't get done otherwise! Meal planning and a good after-school club in ter-times are my saviours.

nulgirl · 08/12/2011 19:41

In one of my lazier moments I actually considered buying a separate hoover for upstairs as I can never be bothered to carry it upstairs. I realised that it would be cheaper just to never really hoover them. My bathroom floor gets washed when the kids are in the bath with all the water that splashes over the side. A quick scrub around whilst chatting to them seems to do the job.

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