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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to cancel Christmas at my house?

38 replies

mumof4sons · 08/12/2011 15:13

I have 4 DSs and they will be spending Christmas with their father this year, so they will have a Christmas with all the trimmings.

I really can't be bothered this year - just not in the mood.

I don't want to go through all the fuss of getting the tree up just for no one to be there on Christmas day to enjoy it. I certainly won't be enjoying my day alone and having a sad tree in the corner will just intensify the feeling.

I haven't got any extra money to spend on presents that they really don't want. I recently had the ceiling come down in the cloakroom because of a leak, and need to have it repaired - insurance won't cover it all. Am also finding it hard to afford to heat the house.

I just want to give the £50 each and hit the sales after Christmas and let them choose what they want.

This is the first time I've felt like this.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Crosshair · 08/12/2011 15:16

yanbu but maybe making some sort of effort will make you feel better? It sounds like you've already decided its going to be crap.

Do you have other plans or people to visit so you're not alone?

WorraLiberty · 08/12/2011 15:17

How old are they all?

Ihavewelliesbutitssunny · 08/12/2011 15:17

Go to the 'bum slap dance' and 'acorn throwing' household and keep the OP there safe company.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 08/12/2011 15:20

How old are the boys? My cousins have asked for money this year (nicely and only if people have asked) as they LOVE going shopping and being able to choose (6, 8, 10).

The christmas tree isn't only for one day though is it - it's for the next month. How do the boys feel about not having the tree up?

Mine isn't up yet, which is silly as I love the lights etc, I just can't be bothered getting it sorted, but I know I will love it when it's up. Should do it this afternoon really. It's usually up in Nov!!

QuintessentiallyFestive · 08/12/2011 15:21

Yanbu.

My friend did this last year. Her kids were at their dads. She booked in for as many shifts as she could for work over Christmas (she works in the lab at the hospital, growing bacteria and stuff, and analyzing samples), and became a very popular woman, with quite a large paycheck after Christmas.

CuriousMama · 08/12/2011 15:21

can't you go to a friend's for Christmas preferably one without dcs? It's really up to you what you do but to me Christmas spirit isn't about one day. The tree etc.. is there for more than one day. I have mine up now.
YANBU though as it's your choice.

thunderboltsandlightning · 08/12/2011 15:21

Oh that's so sad you're feeling like that. You'll be missing your boys so no wonder it's making you feel like you don't want to celebrate.

A christmas tree isn't just for christmas day though, it's for all the time around christmas, and children do love presents from their parents, however much money you're spending on them.

Can you choose to celebrate christmas for yourself - do nice things for yourself that day, or spend it with friends or other family? Think you're going to have to make an effort so you're not miserable.

HecklerNotKoch · 08/12/2011 15:27

the thing with that is your boys will feel sad and guilty that you are at home alone, with no cheer.

Try and make the most of it for their sakes, then on the day you can sit there glum as you like

Soups · 08/12/2011 16:10

Is there a local homeless charity you can volunteer for? I know they often have people in to help with Christmas lunch.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 08/12/2011 16:14

If I knew a friend would be alone for this reason I would want to know so I could invite them over.

I agree the tree is about more than just the day, mine is up now and we won't even be here at Christmas!

Callisto · 08/12/2011 16:30

Gosh, if I had a friend who had nowhere to go I would definitely want them to have Christmas with me. In fact I've done just that on many occasions. Please don't sit at home on your own all day on Xmas day, your children will feel awful and so will you.

OurPlanetNeptune · 08/12/2011 16:35

OP, I want to hug you. I would be so sad if I knew a friend was feeling like this and faced the prospect of Christmas on their own. I would not hesitate to invite them to mine.

Is there anything that you can envisage doing which would make you happy?

CuriousMama · 08/12/2011 17:23

Homeless charity is a brill idea. I often say I want to go out and do this but don't think dp would be up for it? Dcs go to their dad and gran's on the afternoon so I may just try to help for a couple of hours this year?

ladydeedy · 08/12/2011 17:33

how long are DSs away for? Christmas day or the full week? That makes quite a difference I think...

mockingjay · 08/12/2011 17:38

If you don't want to go anywhere OP, is there something you've always wanted to try and never really had the time? Watching a particular film, cooking a particular dish, etc? It's rare that you get a whole day to yourself after all...

gettingeasier · 08/12/2011 17:43

Same here but I am trying to focus on the positives (no bum slapping FIL [grin) and am determined to keep it "normal" as possible for the DC and they wont need to know my xmas dinner is Green & Blacks butterscotch chocolate but when they get home they will see tree etc.

Its hard though and I am just faking it until I make it iyswim ? Also have had a couple of invites for lunch so may yet not be alone

Original poster

mumof4sons · 08/12/2011 18:09

DSs are 18, 16, 14 and 11.

I usually really love Christmas, but this will be my first year without the boys. Last year I went over the top with Christmas, because it was the first without their father. (Was Christmas eve of 2009 when I found out the ex had been having an affair.) The boys will be spending the holiday with the f*ing ex and OW.

I wanted to go away and visit my mother in the States, but ex will not have boys for a week, despite always saying he'd like to see them more. Think he said no just to spite me, after all he is a selfish bastard. My mother struggles with this time of year as she married on Christmas Eve and my SF died on New Years Eve (luckily not same year). I'm an only child, so would have been nice to be with her.

I do have some family here in England, but as yet no invitation has been forthcoming despite hints - so hence I will be alone. All my friends seem to have plans.

Who knows, maybe the Christmas spirit will suddenly strike me.

OP posts:

ladydeedy · 08/12/2011 18:42

can your mom come to you mumof4sons?

1Catherine1 · 08/12/2011 19:00

Screw asking him... Tell the bastard! Why should you spend Christmas alone while he plays happy families with your family and prevents you seeing your mum!

Pisses me right off that ex-wife has to ask permission to leave the country but good-for-nothing-ex-husbands can do what ever they like whenever they like. And in fairness, the 2 eldest can stay home alone, he only has to look after 2 of them and be available in case of emergencies for the other 2. I think your boys would understand.

crypes · 08/12/2011 19:04

Yea tell him to look after his children so you can go away, you sound very fed up.

lizzie712 · 08/12/2011 19:08

Book a flight and go and see your Mum, you do not need your exH permission! The boys will be fine!!!

thunderboltsandlightning · 08/12/2011 19:15

Can your mum come to you? Either that or you should go to her. And get a lovely tree and buy your boys nice gifts, even if they aren't expensive.

Don't let your bastard ex ruin your holiday. He is so not worth it.

CuriousMama · 08/12/2011 19:27

Am sorry but I'm all for booking the flight and telling him. The cheeky bastard Go for it, what's he going to do? Just turn up with dss and a weeks worth of clothes, or not enough Extra washing for his tart.

Go on you know you want to and we'll all back you up He wouldn't dare cross me!

ledkr · 08/12/2011 19:30

Ah no wonder you feel so sad,my ex did the same but the children have never wanted to go to him for xmas thank goodness. Why dont you have your own xmas day with them before or after or if not yes ignore it for sure,i used to love it too until that happened.The first year i had him with me nd it was awfull,the following year i took the children to India and we were on a nice hot beach on xmas day totally ignoring it
Do what you need to do and make up for it next year x

ImperialBlether · 08/12/2011 19:36

Your children will feel awful leaving you alone. Please put up the tree and talk to them positively about what you're planning to do. It would be awful for them to feel so guilty over Christmas.

As for you, how long were they going to be at their dad's? I wouldn't agree to my ex having them for the full Christmas - it's not fair. He has his girlfriend for company, anyway - why should you be left on your own? How far away does he live?

If you can't afford a lot for their Christmas, how would you manage to go away?

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