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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to cancel Christmas at my house?

38 replies

mumof4sons · 08/12/2011 15:13

I have 4 DSs and they will be spending Christmas with their father this year, so they will have a Christmas with all the trimmings.

I really can't be bothered this year - just not in the mood.

I don't want to go through all the fuss of getting the tree up just for no one to be there on Christmas day to enjoy it. I certainly won't be enjoying my day alone and having a sad tree in the corner will just intensify the feeling.

I haven't got any extra money to spend on presents that they really don't want. I recently had the ceiling come down in the cloakroom because of a leak, and need to have it repaired - insurance won't cover it all. Am also finding it hard to afford to heat the house.

I just want to give the £50 each and hit the sales after Christmas and let them choose what they want.

This is the first time I've felt like this.

AIBU?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 08/12/2011 19:37

Not nice for your children not to have a tree up at home, I know it's a sad time for you but christmas is about children and for children.

CuriousMama · 08/12/2011 19:39

Imperial perhaps her mum is helping with the flight? Mine would if she had the cash and lived in another country.

gettingeasier · 08/12/2011 19:42

Oh really is similar to me I found out the OW was around Christmas Eve 2009 and this is our 2nd one and he has the DC with OW and her huge family.

Maybe like me part of it is the awful memory of that christmas that clouds things still

ledkr · 08/12/2011 19:44

I thibk only very hands on fair Dads should get the enjoyment of having the children at xmas,why should he pick and choose when he has them but include the best days in his choices. Cheek.

ladydeedy · 08/12/2011 19:51

Really? Maybe he should just have them for one day then so the mum cant go away and then that would be deemed even more unfair? why should children not spend time with their other parent?

1Catherine1 · 08/12/2011 19:55

I think what ledkr meant was that perhaps it was unfair that he wants more time with them but only on his terms - for instance, Christmas Day - but not the whole week as that interrupts his plans. Very out of order.

Ripeberry · 08/12/2011 20:00

Go, fly away and see your mum. He won't turf the kids out. He needs to have some responsibility. What is he going to do? He is not your problem.

ImperialBlether · 08/12/2011 20:00

I think if a person is unfaithful, destroys the family unit and goes off to live with someone else, they don't have the right to say what will and won't happen. Yes, it's right that access is fair and that he has an equal say in education etc, but I'd be fucked if I'd spend Christmas on my own in those circumstances. And yes, I've been in that position - but my ex had the decency not to suggest I spent the holidays on my own.

ladydeedy · 08/12/2011 20:50

well I wish that were true Imperial. In our case it was my DH's exw who went off and had an affair with someone, and screwed up the family situation but STILL continues to try and affect what goes on in our lives... And she actually didnt end up getting together with the person she went off with as he dumped her. My DH though did then get together with me and after 10 years the EXW is still bitter and twisted about it!!

makinglemonade · 08/12/2011 21:02

OP that is so sad :( As others have said it may be difficult but you should make yourself put up the tree so that your sons have dome Xmas cheer at home.

I also agree that you need to be more forceful in saying you are going to see your Mum. Your ex is being totally unreasonable.

HowlingBitch · 08/12/2011 21:16

OP you sound so down (understandably) and I think your Ex is being rotten about the whole thing. As others have suggested could your mum visit you? If not bring up you visiting your mum again with him.

You should not have to be alone on Christmas.

Original poster

mumof4sons · 09/12/2011 20:40

Thanks for all the messages. I so wish I could go visit my mum - but really can't afford it - was going to put it on credit card. I have had a quote for flat roof and ceiling and it is going to cost the same amount as a ticket to the US. (Insurance won't cover it - say normal wear and tear.)

My mother was thinking about coming over her, but all her bills seem to come in at once - property tax, fire dues, homeowners assoc fees. Plus she really doesn't like the weather here this time of year (can't say I blame her lol).

I have decided to try to get into the Christmas spirit - the tin of Quality Street will help with that and the Pinot Grigio. I am going to get a few small bits for the boys and then hit the sales after Christmas. I will be sitting them down and explaining the money situation.

OP posts:

CuriousMama · 10/12/2011 15:11

Glad you're feeling a bit more festive Do you do skype with your mum? Shame you can't be together.

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