to expect parents to reply to a party invite?

[SirCliffRichardSucksEggsInHell]

I get this every flipping year and it drives me nuts! This year I've paid for a football court in our local sports centre for a football party for ds and his friends. I've also paid for a member of staff to be with them. I'm also organising all the food and need to have a good idea of numbers.

I've invited 9 boys - with ds it would be 10. Two are not coming and I've only heard from 2 that are. The other 5 haven't bothered to get in touch. So now I'm faced with the dilemma of not knowing how many to cater for and I'm worried that there won't be enough children to make up a decent team for football.

As we are new to the school, I don't know any of these children (which is why I'm paying for a party so that ds can make new friends) and so cannot approach their parents to ask if they are coming.

Whenever I get an invite I always reply as I know what a nightmare it is to organise a children's party. So what makes parents not bother? Should I take it as a sign that they are coming or not?

Yup. I even did an RSVP slip and every year there are still surprises. I once had some kid (about 10 or 11) sitting in a corner reading a book at DSs 2nd birthday party. I have no idea to this day who she was!

When is the party? For my daughters party I got many replies in nthe week leading up to it. In the end only one person didn't respond, and she turned up. One confirmed she was coming but was ill, and another confirmed she was coming but apparently on the morning of the party decided she wanted to go to the park instead! Tempted to send that mum an invoice for the £15 a head it cost me.

I would text/email to find out, I invited 6 children to my 2 year olds party and no one replied. With 3 days to go I started texting, fearful of having a child ready for a party that no one turned up for. I find it very irritating and very rude so my sympathies are with you on this one

YANBU, every year there are some parents I have to chase, it is very rude. However busy you are, how much time does it take to check a diary and text a reply? Not replying can mean they are not coming and not bothering to tell you or can mean they are coming and not bothering to tell you or for the really flaky ones they haven't found invite in DC's school folder yet .

You will have to chase, do you do school run? If so, get your DS to point out the invited boys so you can nab their parents.

I always reply out of basic good manners.

At one of dd's birthday's a child who hadn't replied turned up and his mum left her other two dc also!! I didn't realise until after she'd gone!

This drives me nuts too. At a friend's party recently SIX kids who hadn't rsvped turned up, and three of them brought siblings who hadn't been invited, but still expected to stay. So my friend had to dash off to the cash point to pay the venue for nine extra children who had just arrived with their parents expecting them to be fed and entertained but who couldn't be bothered to send a text message to RSVP.

Is there a polite way to put on a party invite that only those who RSVP will be expected at the venue I wonder? I put "RSVP essential" on DSs party invite, but still it was complete guesswork as to who was going to turn up...

becky the OP doesn't know the other parents so presumably won't have their phone numbers and email addresses.

I have no idea! Ds1 was 6 a few weeks ago, I had to chase the replies from a quite a few, the parents of twins never got back to me, despite me speaking to dad who said he would check with mum as they were with her at the weekend (split family). The twins never turned up and 2 who said they would be there failed to show. One I presume completely forgot, but the other parent sat next to me 2 days later discussing with his mum how he had forgotten about the party but didn't bother to apologise to me directly or even offer me an explanation. He knew I was the parent of ds1, as did his mum and both knew I was there as we had all been sitting chatting. I catered for those who had not replied incase they turned up. Could you ask your ds to check with them? i asked ds1 to ask the twins, which he did but they didn't know, but dependng on the age he might have more luck?

Yanbu to expect replies. But-just a thought-did you hand the invites to a parent? We recently missed a sweet little card in my dd's book bag and had no idea about the party...

Maybe we should do DCs parties like those raves we used to go to back in the day (showing my age now - the young'uns here will all be saying 'what's a rave?') You know - "please RSVP by text on this number to confirm that you are coming and then the venue details and exact start time will be sent to you by return text."

I also make sure I reply either in person or send a text. Ds1 had attended birthday parties for the 2 who failed to turn up in the fortnight leading up to his party, one I replied to by text, the other I told the grandmother we were coming and had ds1 been ill I would have text the parent or passed a message on through a friend who was going. It is basic manners in my opinion.

Had the same problem with my DD's party this year - new to the school, couldn't ring them, etc. In the end I got her to point out the kids we'd invited in the playground and accosted whoever was picking them up to "just to check you got the invite".... they all had (my DD can be relied on for that sort of thing) and most of them were able to confirm that they were in fact coming.

Agree it's really annoying if you've paid per place and some don't show. Only other option is to offer the spare places to any younger siblings that turn up on the day if the guests haven't put in a appearance.

But I like Becstarsky's suggestion too :)

It's bizarre isn't it.
I invited five children to DD's party. Only five.
Two replies yes, one after prompting.
One reply yes and I will be bringing 2 siblings.
One reply "maybe, but we might have a better offer"
One no reply.

I guess this is normal?

You are so NBU, but sadly it happens all the time . The effort involved is so bloody minimal, it's hard to imagine what the difficulty is.
Melindaaa you'd have to have a single brain cell and a hide like a rhinos arse to announce your child decided on the park instead! Stupidity knows no bounds.

It IS bizarre not to respond. I always would. I've had a (good) friend forget the party, I can understand that a lot more! I have not responded because we went away and didn't get the invite but if the parent had looked in DD's drawer they would have seen that we hadn't picked it up AND I apologised profusely about our lack of response.

Can you send out a friendly reminder to parents just saying, 'need to know numbers for catering purposes and to see whether we have enough for a decent team'. What about the ones that did reply, can they help you chase or know parents to ask?

I couldn't hand the invites to parents as I don't know them. My ds handed them to his friends and children at that age don't forget about party invites easily.

They all went out last Friday - I didn't want to hand them out too soon for fear they might forget. They've had all week. The party is on Sat.

I'm picking him up now, I'll try to grab a few kids but it's pissing it down with rain and high winds so I don't fancy my chances!

I don't understand it either, I always respond to my DS's invites, send a simple text usually, it only takes 30 seconds or so. If you haven't got a mobile phone just drop a note in nursery/school for the parents. It's not rocket science is it?

Well it was a rush in and rush out job so I didn't get to see any parents.

I've asked ds and he says that all but one of the children have told him that they are going, so I shall have to rely on them. It's too late to invite others now, which we would have done if less than 7 were going as we've paid for up to 10 children. I'd be gutted for ds if only about 5 turn up, not to mention all the wasted food and money on booking the place.

I've had this at every school my kids have gone to though, so it's obviously fairly common. Why would you not reply to an RSVP invite?

This drives me nuts too but ds3 is my third and it's the same every time any of them have had a party. Just a bloody text would do!

Drives me crazy - how difficult is it to reply one way or the other??

DS2's party last month - invited 8 people from nursery - 2 replied within a week saying yes, 2 (twins) were the siblings of DS1's friend whose party we went to just after I sent out the invites so she told me verbally they would be coming. With a week to go, hadn't heard from the other 4 so asked nursery if they would chase them up for me. 1 eventually replied saying they couldn't come, 2 replied saying they were coming and I didn't hear from the other one - so summary was that 6 of them were coming.

Only 3 turned up on the day which cost me £30 as I had already paid for them. I was not a happy bunny as it is just rude.

YANBU, it drives me mad too. It's so damn rude and happens ALL the time. How hard is it to reply, especially if there's a mobile number on the invite (which I include on all mine?) It takes two minutes to reply, yet half never bother to reply.

I can't believe how rude some parents are in not replying, particularly when the hosts are paying a fortune for a kids party. My DD is 18 months and we had her first birthday party at home so it did not really matter so much if people turned up or not. However, I would be mightily peeved to fork out £15 per head for several kids not to show up. Looks like I have all this to come!

YANBU.

DD's birthday party is in the next couple of weeks. I also don't know many of the parents at her school as she is new to the school and I only do the school run a couple of days per week due to work. I gave dd the invites to to hand out with return slips and my mobile number and not one person got back to me either! I have been close to tears over it because I started to think that no one would turn up. I have now been chasing parents at the school over the last couple of days. I've been asking dd to point out her friends so I can find their parents and we now have ten confirmations. Nobody yet has said they are not coming, although I still need to chase up two more invites.

To be fair, all the parents I have spoken to have apologised for not getting back to me but it is very frustrating, especially when you need to know numbers.

Hmmm. I think that many of you are being generous with your opinions about others and your wilingness to give parties not knowing what the response will or will not be.

Having read the posts, I would like to invite people to a party and give a time (eg '12 noon precisely' with 'RSVP essential for information' and ' invitee only') and, when they arrive, drive them off somewhere exciting. If anyone turns up after 12 noon, I hope they will feel stupid for not replying to find out what you were going to do.

I was wondering if its ok to say "invitee only" or even "sorry no siblings"

New to all this stuff, I havent a clue!