to expect parents to reply to a party invite?

[SirCliffRichardSucksEggsInHell]

I get this every flipping year and it drives me nuts! This year I've paid for a football court in our local sports centre for a football party for ds and his friends. I've also paid for a member of staff to be with them. I'm also organising all the food and need to have a good idea of numbers.

I've invited 9 boys - with ds it would be 10. Two are not coming and I've only heard from 2 that are. The other 5 haven't bothered to get in touch. So now I'm faced with the dilemma of not knowing how many to cater for and I'm worried that there won't be enough children to make up a decent team for football.

As we are new to the school, I don't know any of these children (which is why I'm paying for a party so that ds can make new friends) and so cannot approach their parents to ask if they are coming.

Whenever I get an invite I always reply as I know what a nightmare it is to organise a children's party. So what makes parents not bother? Should I take it as a sign that they are coming or not?

I'm waiting for replies as we speak!
IMO not all parents have basic manners.
At least now DD is old enough not to need the parents to stay at a party I don't get random siblings turning up.

I usually RSVP, but there have been 2 instances when I haven't. One gave me a mobile number that came up as an error when i tried to text to it. The other just gave me a first name and I didn't have the first clue who it was or even who the kid was. Given that the DC invited doesn't cope well with parties and this one was at the grotty Working Men's Club down the road, we weren't going, anyhow.

Drives me mad too!

'No siblings' seems completely reasonable'. I can just about see it if parents are staying AND ask beforehand but not otherwise.

We always leave out an essential piece of information and put 'contact us for venue details' or 'contact us for start time' so that people can ONLY come if they've been in touch.

YANBU. BIL/SIL have had the same probs when arranging their DCs parties. Guess we have this all to come when DD is old enough for parties. In my day you RSVPed to these things promptly. Just plain rudeness IMO.

YANBU in the slightest, but some people wouldn't know what good manners were if they shook them by the hand. If it wasn't the fact that my kids would get lynched in the playground, I'd love to turn non-responding parents away at the venue door. At the last party I did, one parent turned up and had the gall to look annoyed that there wasn't special food provided for a child that I didn't even know was coming, let alone knew was dairy-intollerant.

Well I managed to grab 2 out of the five parents this morning. One is coming and one is not.

So out of 9 invited, so far I've had 3 rejections and 3 confirmations. I think it's might even be 4 rejections as one of his invitees wasn't at school yesterday so if she's not there today, it's unlikely she'll turn up tomorrow. 6 kids for a football party including ds? Poor ds.

Can grown ups join in? Some uncles and dads on the pitch might help your DS enjoy it...

I think 6 out of 10 is a normal take up rate for a party. I invited 30 to DSs party and 17 were expected to come from what I could glean from people at the school gates. But then on the day some of those brought siblings (who hadn't been invited but hey...), some who had RSVPed as 'yes' didn't come and a couple who had said 'no' or not replied turned up... we ended up with 22. Tis so annoying!

I am currently waiting for responses to my invite for DD's 7th birthday. Going on my past experience with response levels, I am trying to cover all the bases - I have a) emailed a question re availability with a deadline for replies, I shall b) send out a text prior to the deadline and c) will issue invites with full details once I've had confirmations. I am not prepared to buy venue tickets for children whose parents have not responded.

Re siblings...sigh...the parents at DD's school seem to think it is absolutely normal to turn up with various siblings and other relatives in tow, with no advance warning. Even when invites have stated "we cannot accommodate siblings as numbers are limited" etc. People are just so rude. And what really annoys me is when both parents turn up with invitee and siblings - why can't one parent stay at home with said siblings? Anyway, I have given up worrying about that now. If we have a party where numbers are not restricted and the cost is not per head (eg village hall or our house), then I no longer care if siblings turn up (I will not worry about it and so am much less stressed). For venues that charge per head, I pay for the invitee. Anyone else can pay for themselves. At DD's 6th party, an invitee was accompanied to the venue by sibling, both parents, aunt and uncle. Aunt was particularly annoyed that they had to pay - she said "I was told this was included in the invite!" well, you weren't invited were you?

So can't you invite some more kids, now, even if it's very short notice?
I mean this as constructive feedback:
8 days is too short notice for a party, sorry, and Saturdays can be packed with activities at that sort of age anyway, so a Sunday party with 3 weeks notice would have been better. Might improve your response rate in future?

Do any of the friends who are definitely coming have siblings who would be the right age to join in? I think it would be OK to invite siblings at short notice.

Ooh, I am quite new to the (terrifying) world of parties as my son has just started school. I always RSVP but I also nearly always have to bring my littlest son as most of the time my husband's at football on a Saturday. I take food for him, so he doesn't eat the party food and he's not quite two, so he doesn't join in the games or anything. Is this not 'done'? Seems a shame to not let my son go to a party because I can't bring his brother.

YANBU at all! It's basic courtesy to thank the person for the invitation and say whether or not you can make it.

YANBU in wishing people would confirm their attendance.

But I honestly don't think it is reasonable to bring uninvited siblings unless the party is for a very young child who you'd normally expect to stay with or the sibling is a baby. I realise that this can cause difficulties but, with respect, these need to be overcome by the invitee and certainly it is not OK to assume it is always acceptable to just bring an uninvited child along. It doesn't matter if you bring their own food either because actually, it's all about the party dynamics (if you'll excuse the vile expression).

When ds1 and 2 were very small we tended to avoid parties that were very dependent on numbers. Not least because they were still at the age when their guests might not want to be left and also because there were a lot of younger siblings to consider. Hence smaller parties that were usually home-based.

Having had a child with a December birthday, parties were always more complicated by all the other seasonal events - Nativity Plays, school concerts, family outings, Cub and Beaver Christmas parties and the like - so people were busier. It was still frustrating not to know who was going to turn up but from about 8 onwards, ds2 and his best friend had a shared bowling/Laserquest party which worked well since between the two families we always managed to get confirmation of who would be there. A stress shared being a stress halved iykwim.

EmpressOfTheSevenSnowflakes

Yes, that's more tactful than my idea.

SirCliffRichardSucksEggsInHell

" it's unlikely she'll turn up tomorrow. 6 kids for a football party including ds? Poor ds"

If you need only another one, what about a child who is somewhere around the football park, looking on hungrily? Yes a stranger but it would give him something to do and pleasure for the afternoon.

Mrskbpw, I think if you have no choice, ask in advance and make it clear that you don't expect the sibling to be catered for then that's very different from just turning up with them.

Mrsbpw , be careful, not only is it very rude but if you get a reputation for doing this it can impact on the invitations your older child will get. Not always, but it drives some people nuts.

The parties that DD has been to recently we've always RSVP'd. It would be rude not to confirm whether you are going.

What I have noticed though is that parents do tend to bring younger siblings along. No-one seems to mind and, at one party, they even had extra party bags because they had added in that there would be younger siblings there, and they were all invited to have party food. These were all parties at venues where it was not a pay per child though.

DD's next party will be at a cheap venue, most likely whole class invited. I will try not to mind whether people reply or not and not get stressed about it (been there, done that in the past), and just hope that enough turn up to have a good time.

The best party I ever organised (Dynamic Earth, Edinburgh) you had to pay nothing at all up front and then pay so much per kid on the day. It was bliss as I didn't have to worry about the RSVPs etc and could have cancelled if my son was ill or whatever. It was interesting how much less stressful that made it for me, as I am not good with parties.

OP, sorry you have got a low turnout. Parties are always a bit of a lottery and attending parties is not always highest priority in some families (understandably).

Forgot to say, I can understand those who don't RSVP and don't turn up. I have even done this due to lost invite. But what I really don't get it no RSVP and then they DO turn up. What's that all about?

Ooh flipping heck. I think mumsnet should write a guide to school etiquette - my son has only been at school since September and I seem to have made many mistakes already.

I've not done a party yet, but I would be cross if people didn't RSVP. I can't say I'd mind if guests brought younger siblings though. Surely it doesn't make any difference if they're just there - not eating or participating? Isn't it just like having mums there?

I have taken all your comments on board, though, and just RSVPed to a party invitation, and said that I'll have to bring my little one as well.

its hard esp for the child we just had a party for my twins & neice as birthday a week apart,dst1 all his friends came,dst2 most of them came(his best friend didnt) and out of those my neice invited only 3 turned up :(