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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ok.. am i being mean to NOT let dd2 go to the pantomime with the school today, not sure now school seem to think i am

57 replies

sheepgomeep · 08/12/2011 11:02

dd2 is 4 and I'd say about 3/4 of the school are going. Her 9 year old sister is going and most of year 6 as well as all the infant classes.

At the time I didnt have the money for them both to go and dd2 didnt seem fussed anyway, she hasnt mentioned it all today and was looking forward to the dvd afternoon that the school have planned for the ones staying behind. I dont honestly think she would get that much out of it anyway,

Her class teacher said to me yesterday, why isnt she going, she'll be left out and there wont be many kids left in the school anyway o I should keep her off, another teacher said no bring her in, theres quite a few not going and they have planned things for those not going.

So now I have JUST got a phone call from the school asking again why she wasnt going when her sister was, there was a ticket spare and did I want it. When I still said no I'd rather she stayed in the school (because the wind is quite bad here and I want her local as shes only 4. dd1 is ok cos shes older and more able to look after herself iyswim) it was meant with a deadly silence and then oh ok, well she'll be missing out.

I did think yeah and the school will be missing out on a tenner thats why the school rang Hmm

Perhaps i am mean I don't know. sorry its rambly and full of bad spelling and grammar, very tired.

yesterday her class teacher

OP posts:
WhoopsyLa · 08/12/2011 12:28

YABU, one or neither. She SAYS she's not bothered because she probably sensed you wanted that.

WhoopsyLa · 08/12/2011 12:28

BOTH or neither is what I meant....not one or neither.

gothicangel · 08/12/2011 12:29

she is your daughter so you do what you feel is best, sod the school,

if she was happy as you have said not to go then she isnt missing out as she didnt want to go,

xx

WhoopsyLa · 08/12/2011 12:29

Plus the school won't be chasing up one child for a tenner....they thought it odd that one child was going and not the other. Siblings usually do the same trips if they are offered.

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/12/2011 12:37

nah whoopsy.. she's not mentioned the pantomime at all. I know her quite well and if she had felt she was being left out then trust me she would have made a song and dance about it.

I'm glad though that some people do see where I'm coming from though, thank you everyone for your input.

I do think (putting the weather and the cost aside) that quite honestly i dont think dd would get an awful lot out of going with the school. For one thing she gets upset with lots of noise around and by that lots of clapping cheering and singing and a noisy coach would be a nightmare for her.

I'll see how she goes next year and she can go then

OP posts:
wheredidiputit · 08/12/2011 12:39

Why couldn't they have a pantomine company come to school. This is what my dd's school does.

cat64 · 08/12/2011 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RaspberryLemonPavlova · 08/12/2011 12:42

No siblings don't always do the same trips. Mine don't. It depends on what it is and how bothered they are.

It is unfair of schools to pressurise people into trips.

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/12/2011 12:42

whoopsy i have got 4 children.. yes I do try and make sure that no child misses out but coming just before christmas I really could not afford to send both primary school girls when the tickets came out in the first place. ds has a trip coming up in high school and dd3 needs new clothes

OP posts:
Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/12/2011 12:44

theatre coming to school is a much better idea

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OrmIrian · 08/12/2011 12:49

Why doesn't the wind bother you for your older DD?

i don't think the school was being unreasonable to double-check. If she is the only one being left behind I imagine they wanted to make sure it wasn't an oversight on your part or that you hasn't changed your mind.

Mean? I don't know if you're mean but I think it's a bit of a shame. It;s a new experience with all her school friends.

hazeyjane · 08/12/2011 12:52

I don't really understand why the wind is more of a problem for your younger dd?

Dd2 (who is 4 and a half) went to the pantomime yesterday, and loved it, apparently she spent the whole time heckling, and tried to get up on stage Blush. I think it is quite an exciting thing for them to do, but understand that some children might not enjoy it (dd2 found the whole experience very scary and sat on her teacher's lap - she is 5 and a half).

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 08/12/2011 13:06

I'm more shocked you have to pay tbh. The infants and juniors here plus the SN school all go to the big panto at the civic hall thingy each year and it's free. They go to other shows through the year too.

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/12/2011 13:12

oh believe me the wind does bother me for the 9 year old and i'm on tenterhooks just thinking about it. I think because she is older and less likely to get blown over is maybe the reason sh was ok to go. She already had a ticket anyway.

yes yes i know you think i'm bonkers Grin

I do think she would not get as much out of it as dd1 will, like Ive said she is not fond of a lot of noise

OP posts:
Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/12/2011 13:13

I think its mad you have to pay as well,

OP posts:
MarthasHarbour · 08/12/2011 13:15

i dont think you were mean either, it seems that a couple of the teachers were completely on board with entertaining the others back at the school.

and if you were right in the hurricane of 87 then FGS i can COMPLETELY understand, i was 14 at the time and remember it well, it is freaking me out a bit at the mo (3 floors up a glass building - am such a wuss!)

MarthasHarbour · 08/12/2011 13:16

and actually the thought of DS being out on a coach in this weather would worry me too, although he is only 2! the thought of him tucked up back at the nursery with all the other kids is quite comforting!

aldiwhore · 08/12/2011 13:18

Worra you have provided me with my quote of the day "If money was the problem why blame the wind?" I shall use that in future!!

Other than that, its your choice. I wouldn't be sending my pre-schooler who's 4 (in the nursery part of the foundation stage unit) but my 8 year old woulf definitely go... that isn't U.

Shake off the guilt that certain members of staff are trying to make you feel, soemtimes people can't help but project their opinion on to you with guilt trips. You're doing nothing wrond.

AnaisB · 08/12/2011 13:22

I feel mean writing this, but i would be worried about passing my (wind) anxieties onto dd.

If you can't afford it then totally different. Am i naive in thinking school could have helped out if you told them though?

JaneBirkin · 08/12/2011 13:23

I understand Smile

Some people just want to get a reaction out of you I think. Ignore them.

(not talking about most of the replies which are fine)

I was asked if I wanted ds2 to go to the panto after Christmas, when he will have just started school and I said I didn't know, and could we wait and see how he settles in first.

I don't think I want him to go really. He's still 4 and too little.

Ds1 wants to go with his friends so he is.

It is a lot of money especially as a lot of families go anyway, so the kids get to go twice. I hate the way the school tries to take over like this. I mean if they did it for free so that disadvantaged kids got to go, it would be pointful, but it's a tenner.

Anyway, yanbu, I'm sure dd2 will prefer the DVD afternoon!

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/12/2011 13:36

thank you martha and aldi Smile

I can remember the 87 hurricane so clearly. I was living in a village in west sussex and I can remember a night of howling winds, hearing trees falling, witnessing an entire block of garage roofs lifting off and crushing a car. no electric for days and pilons collapsed and arcing in the night sky.

This is why i'm rather edgy about wind!

OP posts:
Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/12/2011 13:37

thanks jane Smile

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JaneBirkin · 08/12/2011 13:38

Gosh - I can see why you are so worried.

I remember sleeping through it Blush here in Kent and my sister's friend was upset as she lived near the big public garden and most of the huge old trees had been blown down.

No scary pylon activity here. Blimey.

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 08/12/2011 13:44

We were cut off as well iirc. Entire fences and sheds blew away (ours didnt) didnt stop my dad claiming for a shed that miraculously remained intact!

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knockneedandknackered · 08/12/2011 13:57

you have to do right for you not anyyone else.