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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really sad that one of my best friends is emigrating to Australia?

28 replies

Irishchic · 07/12/2011 23:04

Her husband is a builder, they have 5 kids, and he has had no real work in the last 2 years. They have decided to move to Australia and make a new life for themselves. Whilst I am happy that they will probably be a lot more happy out there and out of this recession ridden country, i am feeling really sad about losing her, she is like a sister, and feeling really full of resentment against the shitty economic conditions that have made people with young families have to uproot and move to the other side of the world.

OP posts:
timidviper · 07/12/2011 23:09

My best friend emigrated 4 years ago and I still miss her so much Sad

We both have wonderful families and lovely lives but still miss each other

sozzledchops · 07/12/2011 23:14

it can leave a big hole in your life when good friend leaves. Start saving for a holiday out there.

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 07/12/2011 23:21

It is really sad. It will seem silly compared to Australia but I used to live over the road from my best friend - we saw each other with our kids practically every day, and due to recession pile-of-shittyness we had to move several hours away. Because of petrol costs we don't manage to see each other more than every 2 months now and it's so strange.

For a while I hated it and missed her loads, but have got used to it now and don't miss her quite so much. Facebook is awesome - so's Skype. We still get to chat loads at least!

I hope you will be able to fly out and visit too.

Original poster
Irishchic · 07/12/2011 23:22

With five kids i reckon i will be on the zimmer frame before I can afford to get out there!

I suppose there is skype. But its not the same as curling up on the sofa with a cuppa. Sad

OP posts:
fannybanjo · 07/12/2011 23:24

YANBU and you could be me. My good friend moving to Oz in 2 months. I'm gutted. Truly gutted. But life is about friends coming and going and she'll always be your friend, you'll adjust.

Original poster
Irishchic · 07/12/2011 23:24

I have 5 kids too, as well as her, and mine are all under 12, so it will be a long long time before we can visit. Skype is gonna have to do us in the meantime.

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 07/12/2011 23:25

It is really sad, and you are allowed to be sad as well as happy for her. Make sure you get some good times in before she goes, and see about setting up regular times to phone and stay in touch.

Soccermom2 · 07/12/2011 23:26

My best friend is in oz too. I havent seen her in 2.5 years :( In fact, all three of my friends are out there.

I have other friends but there is nothing quite like your bff :(

Original poster
Irishchic · 07/12/2011 23:30

Thanks Slavetofilofax. I guess I am sad that i am going to lose her forever. She will move out there, and her life will be so different, she will meet amazing and interesting people and she wont feel the need to stay in touch with all her old friends in rainy depressing old ireland, she will have a new life and new friends, and that's normal and natural. I reckon if i moved across the world i would just embrace that new life and would find it quite hard to make the effort to stay in touch with people who were part of my old life and who I probably wont see again for years...

OP posts:
Original poster
Irishchic · 07/12/2011 23:31

soccermom, Sad for you, that is awful.

OP posts:
fannybanjo · 07/12/2011 23:31

Don't worry about her finding a new friend to replace you. That's very hard to do, acquaintances come and go but true friends are rare.

Original poster
Irishchic · 07/12/2011 23:34

Thanks Fannybanjo, that has actually really cheered me up. Smile

OP posts:
fannybanjo · 07/12/2011 23:36

Smile 'tis true! You only form close bonds with a select few. That bond will never go, it's just moved further away. You'll adjust and will have lots of laughs skyping and discussing trying to see each other. She may also find the grass isn't greener. Try not to dwell, just enjoy what time you've left and bloody start saving like crazy and have a holiday of your lives!

Original poster
Irishchic · 07/12/2011 23:40

Guess you are right. Now i just need to learn how to use skype! I cant see us flying 5 kids out there anytime soon, so am going to start buying those lottery tickets and hoping for a miracle!

OP posts:
Soccermom2 · 07/12/2011 23:44

My BFF is great at keeping in touch. she rings me EVERY tuesday morning without fail. She has a great deal on her phone so has so many minutes free a month.

I didnt want to say incase it outs me (as ive been telling anyone who will listen!) but feck it...she is actually home next tues for christmas! She left when i was pregnant so hasnt actually met my little man (who is nearly 2) so will be meeting him for the first time : )

Im so excited Grin

BustersOfDoom · 07/12/2011 23:53

My best friend emigrated to Aus in 2003. She has been back once for a holiday and we are planning to visit in 2013. We just haven't been able to afford it so far.

But we speak regulary on the phone and our friendship really hasn't suffered. We still share the same sense of humour and can easily spend an hour or more on the phone every couple of weeks. Telediscount - 2p per minute! She has made a brilliant life out there and has lots of friends but we still share the same bond. Maybe it has been easier because I am in Yorkshire in she was in Buckinghamshire so we can still sort of pretend that we are still only that far away. I miss her lots and was heartbroken when she waved me off the day before they flew out after I spent the weekend helping them pack. She's still my best friend but is just a bit further away than she was.

howdoo · 08/12/2011 01:10

I am on the other end of it - I emigrated (not to Oz) nearly four years ago. Completely agree with Fanny that you won't be replaced - my best friend is still my lovely best friend even if I don't see her as much, and I would rather sit down with her and a bottle of wine than anyone else in the world.

Spermysextowel · 08/12/2011 01:32

I've had 4 lots of friends do the same thing; one family has come home as he couldn't find work.

One family has come back as their 3 teenage DSs hated it.

One family has settled really well & it's all they've dreamed of.

Jury's still out on last friend. Oz is his place of birth but all his reports back are of being jobless & spotting echidna? in his yard?

ninedragons · 08/12/2011 01:48

One of my best friends lives in Singapore and the other in NZ.

I've found it very reassuring that on the rare occasions we do see each other (about once every three years, on average), we pick up exactly where we left off.

I am a big fan of "I saw this and thought of you" presents. It's usually something small and inexpensive that really did make me think of her when I saw it. I prefer this to Christmas presents; much better than something that was bought in a rush when you realise the posting deadline is looming.

I can quite understand why people used to hold funerals for their relations who were transported to Australia.

Don't forget what the second F in BFF stands for! I haven't seen my Singapore friend for about four and a half years but I've just named DD2 after her Smile

TheCatInTheHairnet · 08/12/2011 01:56

Not at all. I have 2 BFFs. One lives the other side of the country and the other is moving to Europe in the new year. I miss/will miss them terribly :(

Spermysextowel · 08/12/2011 01:57

Am not saying that you should hope it goes badly for her so that they come back, just that they're prob more scared than you are; with a lot more to lose.

On the other hand you could be spending Xmas 2012 on the beach!

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 08/12/2011 02:03

My best friend left for new opportunities in Malaysia a year ago.I miss her to bits, but I'm so happy for her- her job skills are being recognised, and she is making a great life for her family. I will always miss her, but I'm glad she is doing well.

stickybean · 08/12/2011 03:20

I'm on the other side... I've emigrated (not to Oz) and have settled well and made lots of friends. BUT not one person I've met comes close to replacing my best buds at home. There simply isn't the history or the innate knowledge of each other. She won't forget you and if she's anything like me, she will miss you more than you miss her!

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 08/12/2011 04:50

I'm on the other side and miss my London friends like crazy. They will never be forgotten and although we may not speak or even just be in touch as often, we always pick up where we left off.

One tip - try not to make a big deal out of phone calls and skype. What I mean is, try not to get into a habit of scheduling a time in, working out the time difference and booking it in, all official, like. Just call. Or skype. If they're there, they're there, if they're not, they're not. Psychologically, it helps to feel a lot closer to people, and like speaking to them isn't some Big Deal that has to Be Arranged just because you're on opposite sides of the world.

Trust me. You guys will be BFF, no-one will replace either of you. I'm back in the same country as mine now - we've been BF literally forever, lived in different countries for many a year, then in the same, then parted again. Nothing has changed. :)

((un-MN hug))

butternut234 · 08/12/2011 05:13

I'm a best friend who moved to Australia and my best friend in England is still very very very much my best friend - we text at least once a day, speak to each other at least every week or skype - phone calls are super cheap between England and Australia. She WON'T find a friend to replace you, trust me on that! I have new friends here but I miss my best friends like crazy and still tell them everything etc etc etc. It's sad not being right there but you honestly won't lose her, she will appreciate you even more than she already does, trust me :) xxx