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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to looking after BF's DCs for new year's day whilst he sees friends?

44 replies

Purpleroses · 07/12/2011 20:28

We don't live together but had planned to do something together with the DCs (he has 4 and I have 2) on New Year's Day. But now he has said he has plans to go and play board games with his friends for afternoon/evening on New Year's day, and do I fancy looking after his younger two DCs Confused

If not, he says he'll ask his DD1 (14) to do it. Feeling rather peed off as I'd though we were going to do something together. I like his DCs and they're good company for mine, (and we could feasibly do something all together on a different day) but looking after all of them with no other adults for company wasn't what I'd planned to do on New Year's Day :( Told him I'd have to see what other plans I could make with my own friends first and see if his DCs wanted to fit in. Or should I just have said no?

Am rather hoping that his DD1 has plans of her own and says no too.

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 07/12/2011 20:33

It sounds to me like he's using you. I am assuming this partly because you don't all live together. I also think he's using his threat of asking DD1 to make you feel bad if you don't agree...

ImperialBlether · 07/12/2011 20:35

Tell him to get lost! Cheeky thing. Why doesn't he want you to be with him when he's visiting friends?

I think he's using you. How is he normally?

pigletmania · 07/12/2011 20:40

No way what a cheeky bugger! They are his kids, he should take responsibility! Does he not want to spend time with them on New years day, family and all that!

NatashaBee · 07/12/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantasENormaSnob · 07/12/2011 20:44

Cheeky twat.

pictish · 07/12/2011 20:45

Yes...why not have the older dd to babysit while you both go to play board games?

Otherwise...nah! No ta!

SandStorm · 07/12/2011 20:49

I feel rather sad for his children that he'd rather spend a day playing board games with friends than spend a day with them. I'd tell him that too.

Original poster
Purpleroses · 07/12/2011 20:49

I say board games for simplicity but it's some long-running dungeons and dragons type game that he plays with his friends. I am not part of it, and wouldn't really want to, though I would be very happy to spend time with his friends doing something else (just a social invite or something).

Don't think his DD1 would think it reasonable to be asked to sit for my two as well as his other 3 for us to go out together (though I could has their dad to have my two). But he's not suggested something that would include me, just this game that I'm not part of :(

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 07/12/2011 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Purpleroses · 07/12/2011 21:12

No, I wasn't wanting to be invited to his games. I leave them to it Grin Just put out that he has made plans without me when we'd provisonally said we'd do something together. Yes, he does have his DCs for a week or so over Christmas and New Year (though I have to workk some of it) so we could do something together another day. I guess if he's apologised for having made plans for New Year's Day before straight away asking me to have the DCs or suggested an alternative day I might have been less bothered. Am currently writing him an irate email :)

OP posts:
SilentNotViolentNight · 07/12/2011 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbbyAbsinthe · 07/12/2011 21:22

I'm really quite shocked actually. What a fucking cheek Shock

Tinselrella · 07/12/2011 21:27

YANBU. Cheeky twat.

So he originally suggested you all spend time together on NY's day and then knowing that you wouldn't have made any other plans he asked you to babysit his children??! That is beyond cheeky.

But, please don't send him an email about it. Talk to him.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 07/12/2011 21:30

A grown man playing role play games is bad enough. But when he puts that above his own dc? God, what on earth do you see in him? How sad for his kids.

PontyMython · 07/12/2011 21:43

What fuckityfuck said.

DCs come first... Surely he could fit his hobby into his non-access days?!

pictish · 07/12/2011 22:04

Oh I seee...dungeons and dragons eh? Quite right to steer clear.

Still think he's got a cheek.

joanofarchitrave · 07/12/2011 22:08

I think you've decided that you have other plans on NYD. Haven't you? I wouldn't get irate, particularly, why bother - but don't do this. What a silly man.

Original poster
Purpleroses · 07/12/2011 23:05

I'm now trying to make plans. But it's not so much the asking to have the DCs that bothers me, so much as his having no regard for the agreement we'd made to do something together.

And if I do make plans, it would seem mean (to his DD2 in particular who's likely to want to come along) to say that she can't, just to have a go at her dad wouldn't it?

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe80nappies · 07/12/2011 23:09

That is bloody rude. Are you sure he's really that into you? Because alarm bells would be ringing for me...

oranges · 07/12/2011 23:10

no you really must not say yes to this or take responsibility for his children when he doesn't want to.

Inertia · 07/12/2011 23:54

I think that, if she asks, you need to tell his DD that her father has already made plans for himself and his children on NYD, and those plans don't include you or your children. It would be utterly unreasonable for him to let you down and then guilt-trip you into sorting his babysitting problem for him too.

lisaro · 08/12/2011 01:42

What a spanner! Tell him where to go....

KittyFane · 08/12/2011 08:17

Noooooo.
No.
He is joking I hope.

LoveInAColdClimate · 08/12/2011 08:21

He sounds like a crap boyfriend and not very good father. What a twat.

mrsjay · 08/12/2011 08:59

YANBU and i wouldnt babysit his children so he can swan off with his friends say no and tell him hes being a twat leaving his dd to babysit ,

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