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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Drinking whilst TTC

71 replies

difficulttimes · 07/12/2011 14:58

I was wondering what peoples stance is
I'm not atm,
Is it acceptable to drink in small amounts/moderation whilst ttc or completely teetotal.
I dont agree with ladette style binges whilst ttc but is a little bit okay, Is it a case of 'dont behave like you're pregnant until you know you are?? Or before?

OP posts:

marriedandwreathedinholly · 07/12/2011 20:22

Just be sensible. Pg 1: No alcohol, no smoking, folic acid, perfect diet - lost baby at 17 weeks, Pg 2: exactly the same. baby born at 36 weeks, almost strangled by the cord and had to be resuscitated, Pg 3: exactly the same - lost baby at 12 weeks, pg 4: exactly the same - baby born at 27 weeks and didn't survive.

Pg 5 - advised not to conceive because of a possible infection and needing tests to determine possible problems: no folic acid, was drinking a couple of g&t's a night - big ones - to survive a bad time, blazing row with dh, both got drunk, conceived. Obstetrician said a g&t a day couldn't hurt me and I had one. dd arrived a week or two late 51 weeks after ds2 died and was conceived against medical advice. My only big, fat, full term baby with an apgar score of 9+. Oh yes, 2 hour labour too! IME - perfect circumstances for conception and pg make not a jot of difference - what will be will be. Notwithstanding the fact that any sort of alcohol/drug/tobacco abuse cannot be good in any circumstances.

verytellytubby · 07/12/2011 20:27

I haven't got one friend who stopped drinking while TTC. In fact it's never crossed my mind

smokinaces · 07/12/2011 20:30

I was TTC my first DS for 2 years. I did give up drinking and smoking for a while, but after 18months started again. I drank alcohol and smoked 20 cigarettes a day up until the moment I took that pregnancy test. Then I didnt smoke or drink at all until he was born.

DS2 I wasnt TTC and smoked and drank until I was 7 weeks pregnant when I found out. As soon as I got that positive test I didnt have another drink or cigarette until he was born again.

I think its idealistic to give up before conceiving - not a bad thing if you fall pregnant in month one, but after 18 cycles I confess to not giving a shit anymore until I was actually pregnant!

CupOfGoodCheer · 07/12/2011 20:33

We're ttc and I really don't see any reason to stop drinking - why would I?

Agreed, if its been a year with no result I would probably want to do everything by the book just in case, and would cut down/give up. For now though, there's no way I'm foregoing a glass of wine on the weekend for no reason!

YABU to tell people you are ttc
YABU to even consider giving up drinking
YABU to be considering all this as (iirc) you are not even actually trying to ttc at the moment.

I think you are overthinking this a little...

Ragwort · 07/12/2011 20:34

I'd be more judgemental towards someone/a couple who piously 'announce' that they are preparing to TTC - surely you wouldn't discuss it with anyone apart from your partner . No one is in the slightest bit interested - even if they pretend to be. Certainly no one I know has ever told me that they are TTC.

I wasn't consciously TTC when I found out I was 10 weeks pregnant - hadn't altered my alcohol intake at all .

DialMforMummy · 07/12/2011 20:58

I smoked (a bit) and drank while TTC . Quit smoking the day I had BFP and now i have a glass a wine/week.
I think that changing your lifestyle dramatically (i.e.: no more booze, fags, tea, avoiding certain foods etc...) for TTC can put you under pressure and actually have a negative effect; as in psychologically TTC becomes your "mission" and i know some people who have become obsessed with it IYSWIM. Best keep on living like you normally do and have loadsa sex

2rebecca · 07/12/2011 21:33

I think I conceived my first on a drunken holiday. We had been not using contraception for about a year at that point though. He's fine.

2rebecca · 07/12/2011 21:35

I agree we never told anyone we were ttc and didn't think about the conceiving that much, more of a not bothered if I did get pregnant rather than a desperate to ensure I did.

Original poster

difficulttimes · 07/12/2011 22:05

Why is telling people should a bad thing ? tbh I've only told 3 people one of them is ttc herself??

OP posts:

Traceymac2 · 07/12/2011 22:09

I don't think it is really. I told a couple of close friends when I was tcc no 1. They were very close friends and we were all at that stage of our lives. Now if you were to announce it to the postman that might be a bit inappropriate alright!

2rebecca · 07/12/2011 22:41

I didn't go round telling people when I started using contraception so I saw no reason to tell them when i stopped. I didn't see TTC as a physical state like being pregnant, and never really thought of it as trying to conceive, more as not trying not to conceive. Plus if you tell folk then they'll keep looking for bumps and asking how things are going and I don't want people to be that curious about my sex life.

awaywego1 · 07/12/2011 23:01

I dont understand why everyone is so dead against telling people you are ttc. Surely, when you have very close friends that you discuss the detail of your life with its the perfect place to get support at what can be a difficult time.

skybluepearl · 07/12/2011 23:07

I used to hav the odd glass but then avoided alcohol just the week before my period arrived as thats when cells would be implanting into uterus. As soon as my period arrived though, i'd have a big glass of wine!

I don't think it would be the end of the world if you had the odd drink but would avoid a complete blow out genrally.

WilsonFrickett · 07/12/2011 23:09

Yep. I told a lot of people. It made the next two years of 'why aren't you pg yet' an absolute joy. My own fault though....

OP I don't think there's anything wrong in telling a couple of close friends but I would keep it very close or it's all surreptitious glances at your stomach when you see people. No fun.

attheendoftheday · 07/12/2011 23:13

I stopped drinking when we started ttc, and it took bloody ages. But it was my choice and nobody else's business, just as your decisions are nobody else's business.

Chynah · 07/12/2011 23:14

I drank as I normally would whilst TTC both of mine. Of course nobody was judgemental because noody knew we were trying (never saw the point of telling anybody that! just opens things up to too many unwanted questions!) - luckily I fell pregnant first time both times and then stopped driniking totally with the exception of the odd one once past 12 weeks or so.

eurochick · 07/12/2011 23:27

All our close friends know we are trying. Most of them are either trying or have recently been themselves. We are all mid-30s and it is pretty obvious. It is taking a number of us a while (my two closest friends have been through IVF and another good friend has had a couple of miscarriages) and it is very helpful to have that solidarity. We are all mature enough to deal with it sensitively. I find it helpful because none of them expect me to pregnant if I order a soft drink once in a while or ask awkward questions. In fact the only person who does keep asking me if I am pregnant is one person at work who does not know.

I guess whether it is wise to tell people you are ttc depends on how sensitive your friends are and whether they are at the same life stage as you. Personally I am glad I can talk about something this important to me with the people I am close.

Original poster

difficulttimes · 07/12/2011 23:31

Haha yeah I said to my mates If I dont tell you, as soon as I start ordering soft drinks you'll know anyway.

OP posts:

A1980 · 08/12/2011 00:11

I still had a few drinks when I was ttcing.

What's ttcing? TTC is sufficient as it stands for trying to conceive.

TTCING would stand for trying to conceiving..... makes no sense

sozzledchops · 08/12/2011 01:31

I would imagine moderate drinking would do no harm. I did feel guilty when I binged a few times not realising I was pregnant.

SantasCave · 08/12/2011 08:14

Our reason for not telling people we were ttc was because we were very aware that it can take time for it to happen and the prospect of family/friends asking "if it's happened yet" was too much.

As it stands we're 18 months in with no luck at all. I confided in my best friend who is also ttc, and having problems, and finally relented and told my parents when my Dr said I had to have an operation under general anaesthetic to inspect my tubes - I didn't feel it was fair to them not to know that I would be in hospital. However they were told that we would not be keeping them up to date on progress and that any questions from them on the subject would be roundly ignored!

It is no one's business but mine and DH's.

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